h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

i'm glad to see things are going well with you and this chap. i must say i agree with everyone who says 'go for it' (god i'm terrible with names, especially the long ones) but i'd do it now... no don't wait till the next time you see him ... do it now - what have you got to lose?

what might happen if you wait too long? okay so he might not find someone else (ALWAYS a possibility) but he might not want to take it to another level with you. the worst thing any person you fancy can say to you is 'i don't think of you as a girl ... you're my best friend' believe me, i know. its a really cruel and unusual form of punishment how many boys' have said that one? you really don't want that one. again, i'd urge you to get it sorted out with him.

"Those who dare to fail miserably can achieve greatly"

John Fitzgerald Kennedy (35th president of the US, 1917-1963)

Mostly

That was among the rewards I was talking about.

BBS - I can almost with certainty tell you what is holding him back... and actually it´s just that, his back...

I think I mentioned it before, but he has some serious back problems and they do hinder him in some ways... He can´t move his head all that well, he has to look straight forward most of the time. He has to sit in and special chair and can´t sit down in a buss because of the seats.

We talked about sex in our little sharing conversation, and I asked him if he could even do that with his back. He said he didn´t know, but he didn´t think so. And he was quite nervous about having to test that, because he was afraid he couldn´t.

He is in treatment for this back, but it will most likely take many years for him to return to normal...

So maybe he feels it wouldn´t be fair of him to get involved when he can not give as much as he wants to, because of the physical hinderments...
But what he doesn´t know yet is that I don´t care. I can wait for as long as it takes him, because I love him, and I just want to be near him and have him know that...

I think that this may be the reason that he has not made a move yet, but of course I can´t be sure...

Tell him what you just told us. He's the one who needs to hear it.

Mostly

You´re right of course Mostly... But it´s just so hard, because maybe that´s not it, and he just doesn´t want me and doesn´t want to hurt my feelings...

But maybe the guys out there can help. If you were in his situation, would the back problem prevent you from making a move???

Yes, that could be it. It would be hard to offer (as a man) myself with physical problems that would prevent me from give all that I think I should to the relationship. Therefore YOU must make the first move if YOU want to start a relationship. Tell him that you want to start a relationship with him and if you have to wait till his back heals before you get intimate, so be it. But you want to be with him.

Also be careful, he may also think that no woman would want a broken man (and yes he may see himself as broken).

Mostly

What a funny question .... "If you were in his situation, would the back problem prevent you from making a move???". I'm not sure anyone with a bad back can make a move!!

Seriously though. Yes I can see that might have knocked his confidence, and therefore he might not be willing to take the risk of rejection. But then maybe he does just sees it as a friendship.

I'd say keep talking, find out more about each other. When the time is right, you'll find out. All this "do it now" advice is wrong. Do it when the moment feels right, not when you've planned it. It'll never go as you plan it and that'll be disappointing.

Listen to your heart and judge that moment to tell him that you love him. It maybe on the phone, it maybe in person. But say it when it feels right, not because you've set a date in your diary!

BBS

I´m gonna go with BBS here... I like your advise the best

Thank you, you make perfect sense

Well good luck.
In 10 - 15 years when you finally work up the confidance to tell/show him how you feel, you will finally know the answer. But at least you will not have had to take any chances.

No Zorpheus, you've missed the point. You're trying to scare her into doing something, which might be right for you, but isn't for her. Dax is almost there now, anyway.

She's already been saying and doing things that are out of her comfort zone. She's got to give herself time to grow to appreciate that. This isn't a race to get somewhere first, it's a journey to be experienced. Dax is just stopping to sniff the flowers along the path of love, rather than rushing off to the finish line.

Right, Dax?

BBS

now that is the best advice I have heard in ages...

BBS - thank you. I am off to sniff the flowers too!

When I replied earlier, I thought you weren't doing anything, I see from your reply that is not the case. Good luck

Thank you BBS - you hit that on the nose

Everything you said was right. I have been oversteeping some boundaries, by telling him all the things I did. I mean, do you actually think it easy for me to sit there and say to him: "Oh I sometimes have dreams about kissing you, and in real life I have fantasized about it too." That was the hardest thing I have ever had to say to anyone in my life... For me, for the person I am, I am moving very fast right now... I have to get comfortable with the speed I´m at right now, before I go and push the speeder all the way down.

And Zorpheus, there is no need for extream sarcasm here... As I said I am moving very fast if you consider who I am. And in now way will it take me that long to tell/show him how I feel.

In my 22 years of life I have only ever had one boyfriend. Only one man has ever desired me, and I still have to get used to the fact that it may be possible that another ever will. I have serious self-confidense issues to get over here, and that´s why it´s so hard for me to tell him... Is that really so hard to understand???

Hey, Dax, saying that sort of thing for the first time is extremely difficult for those of us who are not too confident. Believe me once you've said it once, its sooooo much easier to say again.
You know you've got us all on tenderhooks here? I'm pretty sure now you'll get your man

Thanks Orcus

OK I appoligise.
It's just that I used to be the same kind of person, really shy, and needing a piano to fall on my head before I saw what was really happining around me and I still did nothing. This is why I don't want you to miss your chance at this, because I have had a similar experiances where I waited to long, or just didn't take a chance only to be crushed when I found out the truth... way to late to do anything about it.
I just didn't/don't want you (and your guy) to miss out on something special.
Now that I have gotten over my shyness and started taking chances, I have been a lot happier with my life and myself. I was just trying to get you to try it, because this is obviouse (to me at least) the time to do it.

Sorry for pushing you.

It´s okay Zorpheus, we´re good...

I get your point and all... And I am getting over my shyness, you just have to let me do it at my own pace...

I was just wondering if I could have permission to reference this conversation in my 20 page paper on online communities.
-Twinkle

Sure... go ahead. It´s fine with me

But why exactly do you need it? In what context?