h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Do you not need the permission of everybody who has contributed here? Given that one idea spawns another.

Ultimately though this is on the Internet and in the public domain, so I'm not sure whether you do need anyone's permission.

Actually, Twinkle does need permission. He/she can get it from H2G2 itself, or from the posters. The people who have written in this forum hold the other half of the non-exclusive copyright.

I'd be willing to give my permission, but only after reading to see what comments of mine were used, and how.

I also give my permission. And since I don´t think I have written anything special you may use it as you wish, I don´t have to see it.

Me too, but I'm with the Colonel - can we see it? This thread has a lot of personal history on it. (Which is one of the things Twinkle was asking about, of course).
agcB

Actually, I wasn't going to quote it but reference it, as an example of how friendly and helpful online communities can be. And I'll be posting my paper off-site once it's finished, to avoid giving the BBC publication rights.

Friendly and helpful. Thats us!

agcB

To get back to Dax.

Looking at it from your future boyfriend's point of view, to talk about kissing him without letting him know how serious you were, might be a bit dangerous, as it could almost seem to him that you are tantalising him, making fun of him, or insulting him by talking about something that _he_ regards as unlikely because of his disability.

Sorry to use extreme words, and I am sure you have the situation sussed out correctly, but there may be something in his subconscious that clouds his rational thinking in this direction. So, waiting, while having conveyed these little snippets of promise, might cause something to go sour inside him.

Very often, people have something on their minds which they only dare mention in little asides, or don't mention at all, but which is uppermost in their thoughts the whole time. So don't underestimate the blow to his self-esteem that this back problem could be for him. You are providing a wonderful diversion from this. As soon as you can feasibly become part of his real life, and drive this (or any other big cloud over his head) away, the more both of you will get from the relationship. Go ahead and fill his thoughts.

You know the feeling too, because this question of your relationship with him is uppermost in your thoughts all the time, but you can't talk to anyone about it.

Also, talking about everything right from the start is so important. You can't pick it up later on. So you are off on a perfect footing there!

To get back to Dax.

Looking at it from your future boyfriend's point of view, to talk about kissing him without letting him know how serious you were, might be a bit dangerous, as it could almost seem to him that you are tantalising him, making fun of him, or insulting him by talking about something that _he_ regards as unlikely because of his disability.

Sorry to use extreme words, and I am sure you have the situation sussed out correctly, but there may be something in his subconscious that clouds his rational thinking in this direction. So, waiting, while having conveyed these little snippets of promise, might cause something to go sour inside him.

Very often, people have something on their minds which they only dare mention in little asides, or don't mention at all, but which is uppermost in their thoughts the whole time. So don't underestimate the blow to his self-esteem that this back problem could be for him. You are providing a wonderful diversion from this. As soon as you can feasibly become part of his real life, and drive this (or any other big cloud over his head) away, the more both of you will get from the relationship. Go ahead and fill his thoughts.

You know the feeling too, because this question of your relationship with him is uppermost in your thoughts all the time, but you can't talk to anyone about it.

Also, talking about everything right from the start is so important. You can't pick it up later on. So you are off on a perfect footing there!

Okay, I know what everyone is going to say when I share this next bit of information... But I have to tell someone before I explode and smash something up...

Yesterday I was talking to him about all and nothing. I mentioned that one of my out of town girl friends was coming to visit me on Saturday, and he mentioned that he was getting a visitor that day to. And I just said like: "Oh really, who?" And he said: "Oh, well Sarah is coming to visit me."
Had I had a pencil in my hand at that moment, I´m pretty sure I would have snapped it in half. And now it´s time to explain who this Sarah person is... I met her about 1½ years ago at a Star Trek meeting, and we started talking. Turned out we had a lot in common, so we kept the contact afterwards, wrote a couple of letters, talked on the phone sometimes and so on.
At this first meeting we were cooking dinner for everyone, so we were in the kitchen talking. At that time I had a stupid crush on some other guy and he was there. Not the traditional "looker" but he was nice. We were talking and she says: "That guy over there is cute." She was of course talking about the guy I had a crush on... Turns out we have pretty much the same taste in men. One year later, at a meeting like that again, we are in the kitchen, gossiping, talking about men, you know, the usual. This is about one month after I first realise I am in love with this guy... We´re talking, and the conversation drifts to him. She says she thinks he´s cute and she likes him. I say in a mocking tone that she would have to get through me to get to him, but I make it VERY clear to her that I have serious feelings for this guy. We talk on this topic all day, the day was on 17. March and I have not talked to her since, because we are both very busy...
Now I heard that she is coming to visit him, just for a day, just dropping by... She lives way further away from him than I do, and they don´t even know each other that well. I know she likes him, so what am I supposed to think here? Why would she take that long and expensive trip if she wasn´t going to move in on my man? I though she was my friend, but now I don´t know. She is traveling at the moment, so she´ll be home on friday. I´ll call her then and tell her to stay away from him. She can visit him, as long as she keeps her paws of him... If she goes for this, knowing how I feel, I will never talk to her again, that much is for sure...

But this incident has made me help make up my mind about something. The next time I go to visit him, I WILL tell him how I feel, timing or no timing. I HAVE to know now, and if he doesn´t feel the same way about me, I need to move on with my life and get over him... I just hope I wont need to do that

N.B. Her name is not really Sarah, but I didn´t want to use her real name...

Oh Dax

'Nuff said, I think. Seize the cnahnce before someone else does. Good luck

Maybe this advice is a little late, maybe you already had the courage to go up to him and talk about it... But anyway, I'll try to say something 'intelligent' about it!

I have always had a lot of male friends, especially the friends that were closest to me. Therefore I've been in all kinds of positions : falling in love with a close friend who was NOT in love with me, a close friend falling in love with me without me being interested in that way, ... and eventually I have fallen in love with a very close friend who, after some time, fell for me too and I'm telling you : it's the greatest thing that ever happened to me!
... but I guess you could figure that out for yourself...

This is not what I wanted to tell... I think the way you tell him (which words you use) are not the most important thing, but I DO believe it is necessary you tell him face to face. I am also convinced that you should never fear his reaction. There are only two possibilities (I think) :
1. he's not in love with you, but is highly flattered and although your feelings probably won't change for a while, hìs might and if they don't, well : at least you didn't miss a chance... I'm sure an excellent friendship like the one you two have, shouldn't be destroyed by it. In my case it never destroyed a good friendship, anyway...
2. he IS in love with you and then there's no more explanation needed.

In both cases it is better than just sitting there and brooding over it again and again and hurting inside...

Good luck!

hum.... I should read some more before giving any 'advice'! I guess it REALLY was a bit late...

sorry!

Carpe Diem, Dax my love ... it always takes something like this to kick start some of us into action (I know only too well) ... grab the bull by the horns, as hard as it is, and let him know how you feel. The least he'll be, as Honey said, is flattered, and who knows where the top end of the scale is.

I know it's easier said than done, but as has often been said, you'd regret it if you didn't.

I all makes sense... I just wish I could go and tell him RIGHT NOW, because now I have the courage to do it. I know that telling him will be the hardest thing I´ve ever done in my life, but I also know that it has to be done. I´m just afraid that I´ll burst into tears or something whilst trying to tell him and look like a complete idiot.

The only thing I wish now, is that I could be able to talk to this girl "Sarah" before friday. Because I plan to call her and flat out ask her what the hell her intentions are. Maybe it´s completely innocent and she has no intentions towards him other than being his friend and seeing where he lives. I really hope so, because I would hate to lose someone who I think could potentially be a really good friend, and I think she could be. I enjoy talking to her when we find the time, but we rarely do other than when we´re at the Star Trek meetings, and then we just can´t stop blabbering all day...

Oh well, I´ll know more once I talk to her on friday. But no matter what she tells me, I will still tell him how I feel the next time I see him... Because I don´t want to run the risk of having this happen again. Right now I feel awful to say the least because I don´t know what her intentions are, and I don´t want to feel this ever again. I think the term I´m looking for is "Insanely jealous".
So for better or worse, I will tell him how I feel. And as you all said, if he doesn´t feel the same way, our friendship should be strong enough to survive, and I´ll be able to get on with my life...

Okay, I´m done unloading for the time being. Maybe I´ll tell you how my conversation went with Sarah when I´ve talked to her...

Fingers crossed!
agcb

Okay, I couldn´t wait, so I called her on her cell phone even though it´s expensive as hell...
We talked and I told her how I felt about the whole thing. She assured me that I have nothing to worry about. The main reason she is going to visit him is that she needs him to make some copies of a videocassette and he has the top equitment for it. Of course she wants to see how he lives and maybe make friends with him, but she assured me that is all.
She did level with me, and she told me that if I hadn´t told her that I was interested in him, she probably would have gone for it with him. But she assured me that she wouldn´t make a move, because she knows that I´m in love with him... But I had to promise her that I would tell him soon, because she didn´t want to see a good man go to waist...

I feel a little better now that I´ve talked to her, but I´ll still feel better when the visit is over and she´s gone. I want to trust her, I really do. But I don´t know her well enough to know if I can really trust her or if she´s just playing me...

What do you all think, does her story hold up? Should I go on faith and trust her?

i'd trust her - sometimes (and i mean only sometimes) wumin do believe in solidarity and sisterhood. why do you have to wait till she's visited him before you tell him? she's goiing to be with him for the day is it? plenty of time for it to slip out. don't think i'd take the risk. but at least now you've actually told someone, and so you're going to HAVE to tell him, which is fantastic - its like that moment after you've sent an email confessing something - the anticipation; the thrill of knowing you've got to do it now.

like everyone else, i wish you well.

I´m sorry, all your good advise seems to have been for nothing. He called me today, and we talked about it. This girl Sarah had called him yesterday and told him that he should probably speak to me about this. He had apparently suspected for a while now how I felt about him, but he was not sure.
We talked it out and he DOES NOT feel the same way about me
But we talked for almost three hours over the phone and we decided that we would not let this ruin our friendship. Because he made it clear that he did care very much for me as a friend and did not wish to lose what we have together. I don´t want that either, so I will just have to find a way to get on with my life now...

The other thing about this whole thing, which only makes it harder, is that he REALLY likes this Sarah girl, and I know that she really likes him to. And he actually invited her to come visit him because of that. Which is why we did need to talk about this before this weekend, and I´m glad we got everything out in the open. As we talked about, if he had found out that I knew that Sarah liked him and kept that from him, and asked her not to do anything because of me, then he would have had been really mad, and he wasn´t sure if our friendship could survive that. So in the most ironic way fate could possible throw at me, she saved our friendship by calling him and telling him that he should talk to me.
The worst thing is, I can´t even hate her, because I really like her, and I can see why he likes her. But it still doenst make it hurt any less... The odd thing is that I haven´t even had a good cry yet, at the moment I am only calm. I am just sitting here wondering when I´m gonna break down, because I feel it coming on....

Well, I just thought the fair thing was to tell you all how it went, I´m sorry I don´t have better news...

yes, I feel it coming now

Oh dear, much sadness. But ... at least now you know. And you're still friends ...

So you're probably feeling a bit alone, but you still have all your friends at H2G2, and we'll be here to get you through it.

But remember don't give up hope, just because it wasn't right today, doesn't mean it won't be tomorrow. Maybe it's just not the right time yet. If it's meant to happen it will. The path of true love never runs smooth.

BBS

Ah Dax, I'm so sorry things didn't work out. Can i be the first with the platitude - plenty more fish in the sea. does it help? no didn't think so.

right now there's nothing anyone can say to make it better. when i broke up with my boyfriend, i asked the H2G2 people for advice and boy did they give it. we really are thinking about you, and we'll help where ever we can.

It can be hard, but perhaps you could take something positive out of this - seize the day and all that. probably wouldn't have made much difference (although it might have avoided the sarah thing) but at least you'd have known... but thinking about that sort of things' for another day. right now be sad, if that's how you feel.

i sorry. take care.