h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

What's wrong with a girl asking a guy for a date? It's happened a couple of times to me and it's blown me away everytime. The first time was, hmmm, a long time ago and I was getting quite *obsessed* with her and plucking up the courage to ask her out (we worked together btw) when she popped the question. That relationship lasted quite a while. And Dax, what does "attractive" mean? The more confidence you have then the more attractive you feel. Does that sound right? This is coming from someone who is "not good looking" and not terribly "confident" but do have someone special in my life.
Don't know whether this is advice or a rant! Good luck

Sarah Michelle gellar? Don't flagellate yourself comparing yourself to Film and TV 'beauties', Dax. Only a fraction of the human race will ever fit into that category, and it does have to be said that they are not renowned for their successful relationships! Love based on looks can't last any longer than the looks do. A worthwhile partner still loves you when (a) you've got a cold and the end of your nose is damp and pink (b) you've got food poisoning (c) you've just woken up with your hair everywhere and panda eyes from last night's make-up. Ditto him ironing in his socks!

I liked the point earlier about what you would do in a similar situation. It's always worthwhile to look at the world from someone else's pov.

I would have thought a man ironing *at all* would be a bonus?

Ironing his socks? PURLEASE Life's too short to iron socks, underwear (unless for a special date), towels, washcloths, teatowels and anything else you can get away with & it doen't matter which sex does the ironing so long as it gets done eventually.

LOL to both!

*Wearing* socks and *ironing* shirt!

and no, I don't see why I should be grateful that he washes, irons, cleans etc, although I know that some women think I'm lucky ( I *am* lucky to have him, but as a whole package ). I drive (he doesn't) I decorate, do woodwork etc, it's a fair exchange

I'm pleased that GW takes the same attitude to ironing - very healthy. I have come across those that iron bras and tea towels, but i think life's too short!

Clovis-the-distinctly-crumpled-cat

I iron teatowels because I find it a very satisfying and therapeutic occupation. However my mother ironed everything except tights, and even now she has a tumble-dryer, she still irons the lot. My parents' marriage has functioned for over 50 years on the old values. They have great respect for each other.

However, my father does insist on doing the washing up. He doesn't think anyone else does it properly. (typical cantankerous old octegenarian that he is)

...but my nose is always damp and pink

I make sure when I buy things that (1) they dont need ironing and (2) they can be machine washed. It makes buying clothes a clothes a chore, but keeping them is a cinch.

agcB

Going way back a couple of days, Dax said "I have two voices in my head right now. One is saying : "Yeah, I´m gonna go for it the next time I see him." The other is saying: "You´re never gonna do anything about this. He will stay you friend and nothing more than that, forever..."

I think this summarises a problem most of us have. We want everything to be black or white. But the reality is there are 3rd, 4th even 5th voices out there if you'll listen. I often find that when I try and predict situations they always resolve in a way I'd never thought of. So there wasn't really any point in doing all the thinking.

Anyway this black and white thing is what I was trying to say earlier about being impatient, you want a resolution whether it is good or bad. In which case go ask him out, find out the answer. On the otherhand, you could try remaining uncertain for a while longer, get on with the rest of your life and let a natural turn of events lead wherever. Now that is a risky direction to take!

BBS

Just ask him out. Really, what have you got to lose? his friendship? if he's any kind of friend you should be able to discuss anything, including your feeling towards each other and have the friendship survive (and if you work together pragmatism would mean he wouldn't want that ruined for him - he'll realise people are capable of moving on) in fact i'd be extremely pissed off if he couldn't get over it. i've been totally blown out the water on several occassions asking guys out, but it only takes one to say yes ask him, if he says no way move on, you won't feel this way about him forever. its true what they say (and i've always been sceptical of 'them') nothing ventured nothing gained. if he says yes, it could be the best time of your life. Not many people in life are psychic, so just tell him.

Actually I came very close to telling him yesterday... We were talking on the phone and things were progressing into the really graphicly detailed flirting where it was almost (pardon my candor) "phone sex".
I thought well maybe I could tell him, and if he responded badly I could always cover it up as a joke...
But then I thought, no, I own him more than just blurting something out on the phone like that, and besides, I probably the biggest chicken in the world anyway, so I would never had done that...
But I am going to visit him on Sunday, so we´ll see how that goes

I'm beginning to see the problem now .... you're thinking. Stop that immediately, next time you get to that stage, just do it and don't even consider the consequences.

BBS because he just learnt how to do 's on here!

LOL

Oh, I see my mistake now, I´ll remember that for next time

Well, by the sound of it you guys may move sweetly on wth out any specific "there is something really important I wanted to ask you" conversation at all.

Good luck!

agcB

You can still start with a "There's something important I 'd like to talk to you about", just don't dither in whether to say it or now.

BBS

gottae agree with BBS there, just go for it, kid. why don't you ask him how he feels about YOU. tell him you're a bit confused and you really need to know what his intentions. if its good news then wayhey. if its bad, then he'll think he's been sending out the wrong signals and not have any blame towards you.

that's what i'm going to do at the weekend, this guy just confuses me. first i think there's a thing, then there isn't. nothing's going to happen (far too much work and fun should'nae be like that) but i'm just really curious.

hope it all goes well. its a bit cliched i know, but if you're going to regret anything, regret the things you've done, not the ones you haven't

So fingers crossed for W****e too then?

agcB

Dax ... congrats on the recent beatification ... does the halo come with the territory?

Been fascinating reading this thread as I've managed to dig myself into an extraordinary situation all because I think far too much.

My ex and I were together for 3 1/2 years through most of university. We moved to London of our own accord, lived together kind of by default for 4 months and waddayaknow it didn't work out. Whilst at uni we'd thought we'd be together forever but you never can tell what's around the corner.

It took a good 6 months for us to start talking again and over the last year we've got back to being *really* good friends. So what's the problem, surely everything's fine.

Well, yes, and no.

Last week whilst sitting in a pub with a whole lot of friends we did a lot of talking, and it may have been the drink, but we kind of hinted at getting back together again. We met up yesterday and everything was cool and almost as it was a couple of years ago, except it wasn't. A niggling feeling made me doubt I was doing this for the right reasons. I cherish her friendship more than anyone elses, she is a star and I loved her once, body and mind. I still do love her but in a head rather than heart way, I don't know how I know this but what I do know is that to lose her would do neither us nor our immediate group of friends any good at all.

Part of the reason we've remained such good friends is because we had to - Our peer group from University is so close that avoiding each other would be impossible. In many ways that's just great but it also makes bringing new "significant others" into the group difficult as the mutual friends don't want to be seen to be rubbing our noses in the fact that we've found someone else.

Quite what I do now, I've no idea. I couldn't sleep last night for all the cr*p running around inside my head ... 4 pages of A4 later and everything is there, literally in black and white. What it boils down to is I'm a confused little feller who doesn't know what toy to play with, and who, until he makes that decision is going to have to make do with nothing. A decision which was hard to come by but which is all the harder to convey to the other party due to the hurt caused last time. I don't want to lose our friendship by taking this particular stage of the relationship to what would probably be a messy conclusion, but then I risk losing it by applying the lethal injection so soon too ...

The terms "rock and a hard place" and "up s**t creek without a paddle in a barbed wire canoe" spring to mind.

Sorry ... bit of a rant, but that's all now.

Dax, in the immortal words of some/many famous dead dude/s ... "Carpe Diem" and "Que sera, sera" ... if you don't ask you won't know and you'll never know what might have been. You'd kick yourself blue if you found out x-years down the line that he felt the same but you'd both been too coy to do anything about it.

Hope that it all goes well, now back to my own probs! A word of advice in much the same vein as has already been stated, don't think too much ... you'll see both sides of everything and end up confusing yourself more than anyone else.

Ekki

Oh dear! Good luck with that Ekki

I still find that I have more in common with my ex than with anyone else I have met since. We share values, ways of interpreting events, points of view, as well as in-jokes, friends and a whole lot of history.

But.

But we dont want to hang out together any more. We have hurt each other too much to trust each other again. We are interested in different things. We laugh at different things. He bores me, I embarrass him.

It is time to move on.

I am moving on as best I can, living in new places, doing new things, making new friends.

Sometimes he knows it is time to move on, and sometimes he phones me every other day. I should probably tell him to bog off, but I like the guy, and enjoy the conversations.

He told me that sometimes he yearns for the "old" Ben. And I do certainly feel nostalgic for what we once had. We have both had minor flings since we parted. We both regard ourselves as single.

I just want to get all the legals over and done with, and really move on.

Sometimes that is what he wants, and sometimes it isn't. One of the reasons I am not prepared to be with him is that he has completely lost the ability to make a decsion and stick with it.

None of this helps you much, I guess, but it helped me to write it.

agcB