h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

My thoughts exactly...

The thing with the business is a bit complicated, so I frankly didn´t know how to explain it.
The business is a Science fiction and fantasy related mail order servise. We sell books and videos from such shows as Star Trek, Buffy, Angel, Charmed, Roswell, Stargate and so on... The business is our interest as we both are avid fans of all these show. I say this now and only this once. There is NO WAY I am leaving the business unless he kicks me out or we go bankrupt, which is more likely than the first one. The are only the two of us now, and no way am I leaving him alone with this. Plus this is the dream job of all times for me, and I have been having trouble finding work...

We talk about business when there is business to discuss. But maybe 85% of the conversations are private talk, about everything and nothing, and some of the light flirting...
But then again, I haven´t had to much experience with romance and relationships. What I precieve as flirting, he may just precieve as a little open-hearted fun between friends who are very comfortable with each other...

For the record: I think we could pull it of, I think we could have romance, work and friendship all together... We have something very special and very undefinable between us. But I also know that one wrong move from my side could throw of the balance...

Dax, my dear, now I really do begin to fear for you.

I f**ked up my marriage because we were running our business & professional lives way to closely. I am not prepared to say a lot about it, except that the pressures of running a business though bad times overspilled into our personal and domestic relationship. And now I am waiting to receive my Decree Nisi.

I am not going to say that we would be together if we had not been working in this way, but there was really nothing else which caused us to split up.

We are still friends - but it has taken us a lot of time and care to manage it. I am happy now, (happier than I have been for 5 years, in fact), but sometimes I still miss what we had.

What would I do in your circumstances? I don't know. I do know that if I had known at the time that the business would cost me my marriage, I would not have run the business in the way I did.

Don't know what you can make of this one....

Sorry.

agcB

I haven't read the whole thing, but I'd like to put in a small advise. The first step is not so easy, we all know that.

How about telling him a little story, maybe of a girl who's your close friend and is in love with someone she speaks to at the phone regulary? You then ask him for an advise to give your girlfriend what to do about this love.

And I do hope he'll give your girlfriend the right advise!

Dax,

You are now experiencing what every male goes though when he decides to take a chance and ask a woman out on a date or expresses his love. So think about what you're going though now the next time some man asks you out.

But as a male I offer this, if you love him then tell him. Don't play games with yours or his feelings. The next time you see him, grab him and give him a big wet kiss and tell him that you have something to tell him privately. Tell him exactly how you feel, where you would like to take the relationship, and how fast you wish to get there. If he feels the same, GREAT, if not, that's life, you move on.

Mostly (as tactful as a sledge hammer) Harmless

>Gretchen??? Did you just ruin something from season 3 for me, which I haven´t watched yet???

whoops!! Sorry! I forget you are behind on some shows over there. I don't know why Aust gets them more quickly than you.

Hmmm I thought I'd take a different angle on the advice. This comes from "Feel the Fear And Do It Anyway" by Susan Jeffers.

Examine how complete your life is and how many strings to your bow you have. Will taking one of those away make a massive difference?

Imagine two people. Person A has many varied interests and outlets for her energy, for example: work, art classes, plays sport, socialises on a Friday & Saturday night regularly, visits family & friends, does work for charity occasionally and manages to have a relationship with her boyfriend.
Person B meanwhile also has a boyfriend who means the world to her and although she works and occasionally socialises with friends, there is very little else in her life.

Now let's imagine that both these people get dumped. What have they left? Person A has lost one area in a packed and varied life. Although the loss of the relationship still hurts she still has many outlets. Maybe 10% of her life has been removed, but the other 90% still exists.
For person B being dumped has meant that she has lost all meaning to her life. It takes many months or years before she gets over him and finds another guy to replace him.

Ok so a bit of an exaggerated example, but the principle is clear. I'm not suggesting you are Person A or B, but take a look at your life and see how much of your happiness depends on this guy. If it is a lot, I suggest not asking him out yet, but go off and build the rest of your life first.

BBS

Those last few postings must confuse Dax even more!

Follow your feelings, Dax: it's better to make a mistake now, than regret not even to have tried for the rest of your life.

(And I honestly don't think it'll BE a mistake...)

depebnds on the mistake...some things it is better not to make (trust me on this)

If I could start over, I'm fairly certain I'd make the same mistakes all over again, even with hindsight. (And I've made some BIG mistakes already. Believe me, you don't want to know.)

Quote from another forum.

Mae West I think

"If I could live my life again I'd make the same mistakes, but sooner*

How true

Ok everybody's been really positive and said "yeah, yeah the guy really likes you, go for it". But here's an alternative to really confuse things ....

I spent years just being friends with various girls and sometimes I was too scared to ask them out because I was scared of succeeding and all the things that go with having a relationship. One girl I can think of seemed perfect, but I always found reason not to ask her out, but just to be friends instead. That is until it was too late and she went off to get married. Anyway my point is that actually I knew in my heart she wasn't really the one for me, but I liked her as a friend and I like the flirting thing because it made me feel good that I got on with an attractive lady like her.

Ultimately I'm saying that if this guy really wants it to happen he'd have done something about it by now. He hasn't, so he must have doubts for some reason (could be business, could be personal).

Yours confusingly,
BBS

*actually it was probably just earlier on in this forum wasn't it *

>>>I like the flirting thing because it made me feel good that I got on with an attractive lady like her.<<<

I´m not exactly an "attractive lady". I´m not saying I´m ugly, because I don´t think I am, I`m just no Sarah Michelle Gellar... Trust me, I´m not a person that usually get´s flirted with, ever...

>>>Ultimately I'm saying that if this guy really wants it to happen he'd have done something about it by now. He hasn't, so he must have doubts for some reason (could be business, could be personal).<<<

You don´t know him... He seems very confident, but in our little group we all have problems with being teased and harrased at school, so naturally we all have some problems with confidense. I keep thinking, what if he feel the same way I do, I mean with the thought of "What could she possible see in me" and so forth.
Besides, he has this very unfortunate problem with his back and is restricted in some ways. So maybe he feels that he can´t give me what I want or even deserve in a relationship.

But the main point is that I don´t care about any of it... I just want to be with him, problems and all.
I only have to find a way to tell him, to let him know what he means to me...
I have two voices in my head right now. One is saying : "Yeah, I´m gonna go for it the next time I see him." The other is saying: "You´re never gonna do anything about this. He will stay you friend and nothing more than that, forever..."

So Dax, which voice are you going to listen to?

Choosing not to decide is a decision within itself.

Mostly Harmless

I don´t know yet...

If there is a moment when I go visit him next sunday, I believe I will grab it...

But I may change my mind many times before that... In fact I may chance my mind many times within that moment.

As already mentioned I´m not really rutined when it comes to romance and flirting, so I´m not used to taking risks in that department... This is all very hard for me, and I have to admit that some of the advise is confusing me even more...
But I take it all in and think about it, and I want to thank everybody for contributing, it means a lot to me

Dax, good luck whatever you decide to do, and whatever happens. We'll be thinking of you, and cheering you on.

Take care, gal.

agcB

Hi everyone... Thanks again for all your support. I hereby invite you all to my sainting ceremony... Tomorrow I become an Angel. Please feel free to drop in for the party... :-D -= http://www.bbc.co.uk/h2g2/guide/F57540?thread=106760&post=931167#p931167 =- on Saturday (28/4) night starting at about 21:15 UK time.

Dax: I also think love and business are hard to mix. So be careful.

And about asking girls out. Think about this situation next time girls, and don´t laugh a guy in the face if he asks you out.

Do something. That's what live is all about.
If you are nervous telling/showing him your feelings, that's quite normal. You have to go through this - no risk - no fun.
Simply act as natural as you can.
I think you have more to win, than to lose.

In the worst case: at least you know where he stands, so you can go ahead with your live.

And think of this: If somebody you know, would admit that he has fallen in love with you (although you don't love him) - how would you react? I don't think you wouldn't want to be friends with him anymore, would you? I see no reason.

If your boyfriend-to-be is the nice guy you think he is, everything will develop just fine.

So please do something - live is short!