h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

In the few days of nice weather we've just had in blighty, I was fortunate enough to be alone in the house, ( a rarity in itself) so the clothes came off, the music went up and I enjoyed my freedom by dancing around the living room the way nature intended.

After about an hour or so of dancing, I was rather warm as you'd imagine so I jumped in the shower. On exiting I continued padding about in the buff and became so comfortable that I actually forgot I was naked. The doorbell rang and I answered it, much to the stunned amazement of a delivery man who looked me up and down and scratched his head quizzically. (Maybe it was the g.i jane crewcut accompanied by girlie bits?) He fumbled with his pad and finally said, "If you can sign that tit there... erm, bit, that bit there." As he turned a delicate shade of beetroot.

I think he was more embaressed than I was which surprised me!

Probably made his day, though.

Just reading about it made mine.

B

As a young Theatre stage manager, I once dropped the curtains onto the head of the leading lady just as she was delivering her impassioned monologue near the end of Act I

My wife just told me her most embarassing moment. A few years ago she worked as an exotic dancer, (stripper to the hoi polloi). During one set, she slowly and sexily removed her knickers, rolling them down her legs before stepping out of them. Unfortunately, the high heel on one of her stilletoes got caught in the elastic and she pitched forward face first into the crotch of a spectator sitting by the dance floor.

Embarassing silence now

We're all dumbstruck with horror and pity at your wife's ungainliness, you see.

climbed out a swimning pool during school swimming and my trunks flashed my bum.

Either that or being mistaken for a hooker (en femme) while trying to hail cab from a street corner and nearly being arrested.

The most embarassing and probably deeply traumatic thing that has ever happened to me was pissing myself in school assembly in front of everyone on my first day on what you would call comprehensive school, but was in those days, secondary education.

sleeping at my perants and my brother girl friend was there to, went in to the bath room when she dident lock ther fdoor not to embarasing for me but she went a pretty shade of red

You didn't tell me that one!

Are you embarassed now?

Reminds me of a story told to me by a friend ...

Late at night, he gets up for a pee, staggers into the bathroom and, as he's taking his leak is woken by the screams of his (visiting) mother-in-law who is sitting on the loo. He had been half asleep and hadn't seen her.

some people are just built with this staying-asleep-while-standing mechanism.

I have frequently embarassed myself by waking up off my own snore on a crowded bus/train. I always react the same- blink embarassedly, stretch, reposition and fall asleep again.

Yep - not the first time for this bloke

His wife told me that he has a habit of peeing into the wardrobe (closet?) in the bedroom thinking it's the loo. Shame he didn't do that when mother-in-law was visiting .... apparently he only does it after a few s

I told her that he's not allowed to sleep at my place

I won't have him over either, if I were you.

We were on an away weekend with our company a couple of years ago, and one of the lads on the trip nearly did it into the fridge. Opened the door, started tugging and was about to spray the sausages before five of us jumped him! Lucky escape...

This didn't happen to me. Friend of a friend sort of thing.

She was in England visiting her in-laws-to-be with her fiance. They were very posh, living in an enormous old house, and she was minding her p's and q's. She needed to go to the toilet, but didn't think "where's the bog?" would be acceptable, so she asked "may I use the bathroom?".

Mum-in-law-to-be led her to the bathroom. It was indeed a bathroom but the toilet was ... somewhere else. She was desperate, didn't feel able to go back downstairs to ask the question again, or hunt through the house for the correct place, so she decided to wee in the handbasin.

Being a small person, she had to hop up onto the handbasin.

The family downstairs were alarmed to hear the sound of things crashing down from the bathroom. The handbasin was unable to bear the strain and had detached from the wall and demolished itself on the floor. She was found unconscious, with her pants down around her ankles and had to be taken to hospital with concussion.

Pretty embarrassing, I'd say.

No. I don't know if the engagement survived that incident.

Frankly, I would've thought that pissing in the bath would be a more practical approach there.

I wondered that too.... At least that would be less likely to fall off the wall...