h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*Feeling stronger from the pickle juice bath, Woody looks around to see who thought of that brilliant idea. Is puzzled to see it is one of the posse. Realizing it must have been a mistake, he dissolves in laughter. He is laughing so hard, he almost misses the same posse member turning to fire something else at him. Figuring he is better safe than sorry, he twists away to avoid the stream arcing up towards him. The stream still catches one arm, causing him to nearly lose his balance on the relatively small platform. He stumbles and bumps into the control panel, turning on the machine and bending the on/off lever. Deep inside the machine, the sound of slicing and dicing (and even julienning) blades are heard. Woody tries to shut it off, but the lever is stuck. He shrugs and moves to watch the fight, noticing that he is feeling a little light-headed.*

*Thinks about how strange it is that he can understand Woody completely, enough to even know what he is thinking. Although his twin has taken a different path in life, there is still a strange bond connecting the two.*


In other words, the wrong celery posted. Oops.

*takes aim at the green beanets and presses the trigger. Immediately she feels the air go dry in her nostrils as her head is so close to the weapon. A blast of sere dehydration sweeps across the nave*

*looking up*

And now for you.

*takes the DragonFLYbot out of its carrying case and reprograms its snowzar-field protection to form a snowzar umbrella over the little red wagon, blue bear, carmel and the pugs*

*freeze-dried vegetables stack up on the outside of the umbrella like a colourful snowdrift*

*she rummages in the infinite capacity storage*

It's still not safe to go any further. Anyone for and cookies?

*The Bean Gerets, now assisted by the Green Beanets, put another cauliflower in the cauliflowitzer and fire at Lil. Inexplicably, at least to them, the cauliflower turns to powder in mid-flight. The troop has little time to wonder before most of them meet the same fate. The commander and the bazzuchini team retreat behind a pillar, pulling the cauliflowitzer with them.*

*Eyes turn grey as he skims through the histories.*

WHAT?? ATTACKING... A HOLY MAN?

For the love of all that is good...

*His eyes dart back and forth, watching the invisible past.*

A new religion... replace the editor...?

*Eyes flash back to normal*

Oh, THAT'S IT.

*Loads a rail gun, sites along the barrel to the Parsniper, and fires. The Hypersonic projectile rips a hole in the air, which closes with a bone-shattering BOOM. Mystrunner is sent sprawling back.*

*the muggy sprout smell is instantly dissapated by the wave of super-dehydrated air*

I say. Thanks old stick, what ! Splendid.

*still trying to get a decent shot in at the Parsniper*

*quick check of inner upper right pocket ensures that all is safe and sound*

*the blast of arrid air passes over Zeb turning him into a pillar of dust in an instant. He dissolves into a cloud of jello particles that slowly fall to the ground making a mound of powder topped by a battered cowboy hat and half a bible*

Woohoo!

Dang !

*Fires another shot at the Reverend Lovejello only to see him knocked across the room by a hypersonic boom just before the bullet leaves the gun.*

I ain't never missed twice in a row afore!

/* turns to throw the stapler to the south, but sees Amy playing in the snow with the pugs. Turns to throw it to the east, where Garius Lupus is taking a nap. Turns to throw it to the North, but sees Sol rummaging through her carpet bag. Turns to throw it to the west, but Lil is deep in conversation with Floradora. */

Dang! What kind of posse is this! Don't you guys FIGHT!

/* The stapler is now making nearly hysterical "kerchunk" noises at an alarmingly high pitch. */

It's going to BLOW! What am I going to do!

/* Runs around helplessly in circles, waving the stapler in the air. */

It's going to blow! It's going to blow!

<-- watches curiously

*is having trouble selecting something dealy enough...*

No... no... not that... hmmm... no,no,no...

d'E, Chuck it at that pillar over there! The caulifrowitzer is behind it.

*covers head ready for a big bang*

Hmmm, I think that is it. Turnip in here, adjust the sim that way and this will be the fire button.
*A turnip flies up into the air, leaving behind a cloud of black smoke and a rather surprised Munchkin. The turnip flies across the church and through a window on the far side.*
Ahh. It comes out of that end. Okay.

/* Turns to throw the stapler where Caerwynn suggests, is startled by Munchkin shooting a turnip at him, trips over Zeppo , and instead sends the stapler flying directly at Sol. It lands in her bag. */

Sol! Run! It's going to blow!

*Is startled byy something clunking, clicking and definitely not healthy landing in her bag...

...dimly hears someone shouting her name desperately...

... and dives for cover, taking only the implement in her hand at the time...*