h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*As the balcony collapses, Lil distinguishes a strange FWOP noise and she swivels round in time to see the pumpkin coming for her. But, inthe manner of bad actors everywhere she is still pointing the gun, and her finger is still pressing the trigger*

*the path of the muzzle ruins the ceiling frescoes, and what it does to the pumpkin is absolutely disgusting*

*releasing the trigger and diving under a table* Ewwwww!

*Deftly dodges a King Edward, but is blind-sided by a gob of mashed. Goes down heavily and hits his head on a sarcophagus. *

*The band of the Celery's personal guard makes their way to the base of the Vegimatic.*

Okay, stalks, load with grape and fire at will.

*The clones begin firing. Soon the floor near the Vegimatic is covered with frozen grapes, making walking treacherous.*

CRUMP!

*Another round from the turnip mortar sails towards the posse. Suddenly, one of the clones jumps up and starts hopping around, clutching a flaming arrow in his ankle. A moment later, he topples over, clutching an icy arrow in his other ankle. One leg starts to melt and the other starts to frost over. Thinking quickly, he crosses his legs. Momentarily relieved, he begins to wonder how difficult life will be with crossed legs.*

*Watches the turnip land to the left and behind the posse. Holds out his right arm and lowers it twice. Waits to see the results of the next shot.*

*The side door opens again and another troop of guards dash in pulling a strange wooden contraption. They load something into a cup at one end of a long arm, stand back and hit a release lever.*

TWANG!!!!!

*The long arm pivots about its base, then hits a stop, flinging the contents of the cup towards the posse. The volley of carrots slices across the Nave and embed themselves in the wall over the green door. Strangely enough, they make a happy face pattern.

The clones begin to wind the arm back to its starting place, reloading the carrotapult.*

*Having wiped off some of the mash round her eyes, Sol now looks like the is wearing a rather inexpertly applied face mask. She leaps up and dashes for the Vegimatic, intending to smash away at it with swardstick, parasol and anything which comes to hand...

... however, she encounters the frozen grape carpet, staggers wildly, apperas to be running flailingly on the spot, before her feet shoot out from under her and she lands, heavily, on het nether regions*

OWCH!

*A stiffled giggle is heard from inside a sarcophagus*

* with frying pan over her arm, raises crossbow and fires Fast Freeze bolts at the carrotpult, hoping that it's large enough for one or two bolts to hit*

Tell you what T, that's the last time I'm buying armaments from The Celtic Ring, unless its made of brown polyester with go faster strips, they are totally out of their depth!

*hearing a stifled giggle from a sarchophagus she assumes is nearby, bounces upright with the intention of whiping the smork off the face of whatever is inside...

... but manages two steps before doing a truly spectacular purler onto her stomach and slithering a good few metres before fetching up a bump at the foot of the corpse box*

You like that in there? I can do it again, and again, and again...

'wiping' the 'smirk'... gotta get some letters back on this keyboard

*Mystrunner slides out of the shadows by Solnushka.*

Care for a hand up, good miss?

*Having been struck full in the face with mashed potatoes, Witty has entered her own private Idaho.*

Dang! I can't see a thing! Who turned out the lights?

*She scoops the spuds out of her eyes but still has trouble focusing.*

Is that Dan Quayle over there?

*meanwhile, Lil is realizing that the settings on Zero's gun are destroying inanimate objects but leaving the living standing*

*she fires at the sniper above her, demolishing his perch and weapon, then re-examines the settings on the side, fiddling randomly*

I sure hope it was one of the posse members that decided to hire Mystrunner...



*lets go of Zeppo's collar, crawling under the pews in the direction of the - the - Vegimatic?*

[X and Zero battle their way through the backlog, but their player doesn't have much time on the computer, so that's all you're getting for now.]

*Having crawled down the side for a bit Munchkin pops his head up to discover he is very close to those with the turnip mortar If that is possible He rapidly pops back behind the pew, readies the rifle and then pops back up firing into the group round the mortar. Hopefully he hits something, but he is now sadly exposed*

YK/Zero/X, I know that there's no Polka Gun setting on the Chefinator. But if you'll reread that last post, you'll note that I merely "wished" for a Chefinator, but set the OmeGauntlet to Polka Gun. Still, nice save.


*Affy mutters to himself. Something about three months in the caves throwing his aim off, due to overexposure to a different story genre. Sensing that, he turns off all non-vital OmeGauntlet systems to conserve power, reaches into his holster, and pulls out a revolver. He jumps out from under his pew*

All right, you cretinously cacaphonous cadre of cloned crooks! Have a happy helping of some unhealthy home-made pie!

*Affy starts shooting pies out of the revolver. It's difficult to really picture mentally, what with the pies being much a great deal larger than the naturally slim barrel of the gun, but it's happening anyway. He fires at the closest of the Celery Guards*

[Zero] [battling] So, together again, huh?

[X] [ditto] Wouldn't wanna miss it.

[Zero] Yeah ... How're we doing?

[X] Same as always.

[Zero] That bad, huh?

[X] I meant without all the Mavericks and Sigma and freely-selectable thematic self-contained linear stages with a robot named at the end ...

[Zero] Ah, I see.

Everybody! Stop fighting! Look! This is my long lost twin brother, Wesley! Isn't it wonderful? Hr was lost as an infant but how he's been found!

Jello Grace, how sweet the Sauce
That topped a jam like Me