h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*Carmel (under the pew, not far from Rev.Lovejello's feet)*

Dear me, I seem to be a bit lost. Are we mad at the one with the gun, the one that's singing, or both of them?

Tidbit - Wug-ug nergle fnoo? (Can I bit the one that's singing?)

[Zero] And your singing is supposed to make us want to /not/ fight HOW??

Dang! My stapler has jammed again! I have no choice but to set it on overload and use it as a bomb.

/* Sets the stapler on overload. An increasingly loud "kerchunk" sound eminates from it. Meanwhile Zeppo helps himself to another stalk of celery clone.*/

Yer better say yer prayer's parson, cuz this is gonna be yer last song.

* fires a shot with deadly aim at the Reverend Lovejello. *

*Kneels down.*

What's going on here?

* kneels down too, a split second before the gun goes off. *

What is going on? We are joining in prayers of thanks to the good Jello for reuniting two long-lost brothers.

Wesley! Put away that weapon and join us.

*dislodged by Lil's shot the Clone tumbles from his position high in the vestry and with a soundless scream plunges to his death on the floor below smashing yet another rew into matchsticks*

*his pumpkin-action shotgun lands on it's butt and discharges in the direction of the Vegematic*

*a friendly fire pumpkin takes off the head of one of the few remaining Emperor's Guards*

*a celery Guard loading the carrotapult is stunned by one of Affy's pies and falls onto the arm as it is released by the weapon's crew. The guard arcs across the nave and splatters gruesomely against the far wall. Gobs of puree'd celery drip down the wall towards Munchkin's head*

*peeking out from behind the green door observing the flight of the Celery Guard*

My word - flying fruit 'n' veg ! That simply has to hurt !

*spots the former Apachello hiding behind the green door and trains his heavy duty calibre spud gun on him. Selecting "crinkle-cut" he loads a monster King Edward into the hopper but is dismayed when the gun inexplicably jams*

*removing a sprout bomb from his bandolier he pulls the pin and throws it towards a Man Called Jello*

*sees the sprout bomb coming in his direction and tries to shut the door and succeeds - but only after the bomb rolls through the opening*

*there is a dull CRUMP from behind the door and a noxious smell creeps out from under the gap between the door and the floor. A quiet voice is heard*

Bugger !

*pokes X in the eye with one finger and Zero in the eye with another*

*in the middle of loading a .303 calibre trifle a high speed staple takes his head off*

Mystrunner, you have wandered into the endgame of an adventure that has been running for several months. Please read some backlog before venturing to post further; it's a bit late for new characters to join in.


*creeps round the vestry and finds herself at the open door behind the altar, at the base of some kind of extremely large kitchen appliance. Seeing a wave of celeries advancing down the center of the church, she uses the open door as a shield, raises the gun to her shoulder and fires a long burst, then looks to see what the result might be*

*the weapon has now become a glue gun*

Zero! Is there a manual for this thing?

*Looks bemusedly up at Mysterious figure before her*

Not sure about the others, but I am trying to get into this sarcophagus and seriously predudice whatever's inside*

*Applies tip of sword stick to the crack in the coffin and starts trying to prise it open*

now where did sherry and butch get off to?

If that Sherry has got any sense she has run off into the sunset with him, eventually reforming him into a pillar of the local community in what ever south American country they end up in and raise half a dozen healthy children.

He was a rather handsome ish villain and I shall keep my frying pan as a souvenir.

*all this is said whilst loosing off Fast Freeze bolts at any veg still moving*

*A large gob of celery goo drops onto the bowler Munchkin is wearing. He looks up, surprised and gets a further gob in the face*
FUDGE!!I am getting fed up of getting this dirty!!
*Scrapes the goo off of his face and starts firing fiercely at the mortar again*

/* As the stapler goes into a much higher-pitched and rapid "kerchunk" noise, realizes that he doesn't have a target at which to throw the soon to explode stapler, since the posse is scattered all over the church. */

Uh oh.