h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Entry: How to Fake an English Accent in a Chatroom - A747678
Author: Jimmy "The Fish" O'Conner - U194045

I think this one is pretty good. Please tell me how to make it better.

great!

i liked this very much

only quibble is that the english dont use lorrie/lorry to mean car.

they would use carriage where americans would use car regarding trains etc.

english people would never ever type the word automobile. well, i have never seen it done any way.

i'll get back to you if i think of anything else

btw. where are you from?

i'm guessing america.

FABT

"Why should we follow you?"
"Because unlike some Robin Hoods, I can speak with an English accent"

I have very limited experience of chatrooms, but one way to convice people that you're not American if you are is to pretend that you don't understand US state abbreviations. Often if someone asks a Merkan the dreaded ASL question, the answer will be something like 26/m/TX. The non-Merkan faker will respond with "what's TX?"

Another tip is to never, ever say "anyways". No-one in the UK has ever said anyways. There are also lots of good UK swearwords that are not used in the US - but are used in other English speaking countries. I shall not repeat either of them here....

YOu're right about cheerio - but what can be safely used is "ttfn" (ta ta for now) but I don't know if that's wider than the UK. Also, although I've used it on email, I'd *never* say it in spoken conversation.....

The bit about cockney is pretty funny, but there are lots of regional dialects. There's no reason why you can't invent your own UK regional dialect - there's enough of them.

Also, why would you want to pretend to be British in a chatroom?

Cheerio...

Otto

ok, not in a chat room, but onw of my favourite/favorite british fakers is James Masters who plays spike in Buffy the Vampire Slayer. He seems to have convinced thousands apon thousands of young female americans in chat rooms that his accent is really real.

good one james!

FABT

Some differences I've noticed between US and Brit:

Likely
US: You will likely see this soon
UK: You are likely to see this soon

US: center, theater etc
UK: centre, theatre

US: defense, license etc
UK: defence, licence

US: driver's license
UK: driving licence

US: car rental
UK: car hire

US: anesthesiologist (rare case of US word being a lot longer than UK)
UK: anaesthetist

US: esophagus (and lots of other medical terms)
UK: oesophagus

US: I'm mad about my flat
UK: I'm annoyed about my puncture

UK: I'm mad about my flat
US: I'm crazy about my apartment

US: homely, homey
UK: homey is not used. UK homely = US homey (I think)

US: billboard
UK: hoarding

US: violation
UK: offence

US: lagniappe
UK: bonus

May think of more later...

Bels

i agree,

while not trying to compile the definitive list of alternative word usage, these are definately things likely to come up in a chat room

oh and the thing about candy/sweets/chocolate. all seem to mean different things to different people.

in the uk choc means cadburys and sweets are anything else.

FABT

Is a Hershey bar chocolate or candy?

'Chocolate' originated in America, from the Nahuatl or Aztecs I believe.

Dates
The 23rd of May as 23/5 (UK)
May 23 as 5/23 (US)


No-one (UK)
Nobody (US) (small point, but when quoting from films, I'm always mistyping "no-one" when they ALWAYS say "nobody"

Diferent to, different from (UK)
Different than (US)

AdVERtisements (UK)
AdverTISEments (US)

Oh, and to be really British, casually mention Carry on films, Doctor Who and a new "series" of your favourite TV show (as UK shows only last 6 episodes a time).

To be really American, casually mention Porkys, Star Trek, and a new "season" of your fave TV show (as US shows last 22-24 episodes, with HUGE breaks every three weeks to make them last most of the year.

Oh, and most UK Researchers will have no understanding of the relevance of Sweeps, Superbowl, "Super Tuesday" or primaries.

Most US researchers possibly won't know about cricket, by-elections and crap novelty records that get to number one in the summer and at Xmas.

i've never seen an american comment on the whether

fABT

The British do still use Cheerio. It's a perfectly valid word! It's not hip or anything but it is used, its the kind of thing the old lady down the road would say to you, as in, 'Cheerio dear, it was jolly nice of you to pop in for tea'.

Ta-ta, also means goodbye and that's commonly used today by anyone, Toodle-pip also means goodbye, and it's used, but mainly in jest.

You also haven't mentioned one of the most commonly used mild British swearwords, which is bloody, as in 'That bloody man over the road is making loads of noise again'.

Anyway toodle-pip and cheerio ducks, hope this helps!

(ducks being a friendly endearment!)

... and if we get into colloquial language, calling someone "Chuckie-egg" would usually signify that you're from the north.

Wouldn't it, Natalie...

Jims

when was (young) at uni up north the staff used to call everyone flower. this worried a friend of mine greatly because she was from cyprus and this meant prostitute there.

shame it's not really on topic isnt it?!
FABT

Have you seen the Entry on English Slang over at A128152?

That's a nice one pet.

i've had to have a fag..(cigarette)..to calm down b4 replying....i know we r in different time zones from america..but..i had assumed it was in the same year..for ur entry to be accurate u need to use the word..history..in the title m8..u missed that 1 out..we call evry1 m8..even when they're not our m8, m8..i don't know what stations u get..but..if u've seen our eastenders..u would assume we solve all our problems with..a cup of tea..lmao..the butt of many gags..(jokes)..PC..(policical correctness)..has helped us grow up & stop insulting our scottish..irish..&..welsh neighbours..i've never noticed accents in chat rooms anyway..u can't usually tell where some1 is from or if they're m/f until u get their asl..

Klatu Nikto Barada! Did I overlook aluminium and intestinal in the backlog or articles? Both are right-off give aways of GB or US origin. Ask someone for a fag in the US and you will probably get punched out. Bloody sod would really confuse we Yanks. We would think someone was beaten-up on the putting green. Blimey means you are a pirate to us, as in Long John Silver. Flan really confused me for a while, though I know enough to stay away from haggis (Scott, I know). In a Greek pub hold up your thumb and you will get one drink. Hold up your index finger and you will get two. In the US the degrading word ka**ir would slip by totally misunderstood: probably think it was a cow like Guernsey or Angus.

Anyway (Ha Ha Ha) just my tuppence worth.

MJM ACE

aluminium?..do u mean..(cooking)foil?..what's a flan is US?..an entry with GB..US..word differences might be interesting....

And what would they make of the phrase, 'don't get your knickers in a twist?'

Of course Englishmen wear pants under their trousers, whilst Americans wear their pants on the outside (like superman apparently? )

Englishmen also wear shorts to play football, which of course is played with a round ball, and there is no such game as soccer.

"Use the word “w**k” and “w****r” as expletives.

Real English people never do, but it sounds good."


Very, very tempting.

Oh, and jelly, jam and chips are all different over here.

Jims