h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*Thundering back from the Bored room of Evil plotting stuff room, exhaust vapours flying from the newly refurbished Turbo enhanced "Pants Of Thrall" the Doc realises that his angle of descent is tad steep for a sensible landing, so switches the thrusters to "Comedy Landing" mode................

.......37 Olympic swimming pool sized custard pies, 8,000 whoopy cushions, 5,000 gallons of Tesco's "Finest" stink Bomb mixture, 2 cubic tons of itching powder, 2 thousand wind up chattering teeth, 45 "arrow through the head" arrows, 6 battery powered whirly bow ties, two dozen custard firing bazooka's, 666 tax inspectors, enough feather pillows to fill Wembley, 3 million plastic "Doggy Doo's", 8 shnozzle Durante plastic noses and 1 partridge in a pear tree later.........

SPLAT!

*The following scene has been removed in the name of good taste, although frankly speaking, the Doc has been getting away with far worse since 2004 but has no wish to upset potential buyers of H2G2 as they may leave him to rot in cyber hell rather than realise what a stunning investment he could be in script writing absolute drivel for mass produced saturday night shows*

*Skids to a halt almost gracefully considering the Vauxhall Omega front bumber protruding from somewhere it was never designed to fit*

*peers round the Vauxhall Omega front bumber*

It was designed for this santa sleigh? Thats why it doesn't fit!

*Withdraws Vauxhall Omega bumper from ear (and you thought it was somewhere else didnt you?)climbs to feet, brushes off assorted rubble, switches "Pants of Thrall" to standby and glues on replacement twirly moustache*

Well Heloooo Visitor! Welcome to my humble abode/lab/house of pain sort of place...........erm......havent had too many visitors lately, but all are welcome!

Dear people
I wish you fair winds and calm seas to your new site
I am sure it will be fantabuloso
But the dear Doc will not be joining you in the new world
Because work is 99.9% sure to block the site
Purely in a fit of spite.

The Lab was fun...........and please continue to have fun!

But I would like to close with the lyrics from a Jim Morrison song

To my friends - be well!

This is the End
Beautiful Friend
This is the end
My only friend, the end
It hurts to set you free
But you’ll never follow me
The end of laughter and soft lies
The end of nights we tried to die
This is the end

* The doc walks out of the Lab.........light fades to black*

*NJA drags, swivels and slides_________________ a box of frozen kippers towards the Cap/Doc *


*husky voiced and purring*

Bye Doc. Keep your fish frozen and your chainsaw well oiled, dahlink


*cries quietly at the door*