h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*crashes back throught the wall in Starbug*
cause it wasn't a dream

*grabs Starbug, disassembles it and stomps the various parts into a very fine powder...takes mini- out first*

you have no idea of starbug's size do you?
*parks Starbug outside and walks in*
and mini is at the three Ns

I have every idea how big starbug is, you muppet, I've seen an original...or do you mean the interior set? Do you have any idea how big I am?

*turns to the audience*

About 8 1/2 inches

*turns back to KOTF*

No, but seriously, what happens outside this thread isn't considered canon, it's like Star Trek books, and can therefore be safely ignored. Thus I just rescued mini- from uncertain death.

*two finger salues T.B. and walks out*
*audiance claps and laughs*
*starbug flys away- to the three Ns*

*shoves a handgrenade down KOTF's trews as he leaves*

bye

*from outside the door there is a loud bang and smoke billows in from the doorway. After a few second a pair of burning underpants come rolling out of the smoke, a la burning cart wheel*

*turns to the audience*

I'll be here all week, try the meatloaf

*audience roars with hysterical laughter*

*watches the very fine dust, which used to be starbug, rise up and fly away*

*sniggers having sellotaped a bobm to the back of T.B.'s head with 4 second left on the timer*

*Suddenly a dozen lawyers come running on*

Due to trademark infringement, that last post has been invallidated and made void by writ of court. Furthermore any attempt to get around this writ by the use of generic products will be deemed, prima facie, to be a breach of the writ and the perpetrators will be held with...sorry I men in contempt.

*stands there listening to all this, wondering what a bobm is*

go away and let me steal medical equiptment in peace, ohh i need some of those
*grabs some scalples and puts them in a bag*

*Like a flock of hungry piranhas, the herd of lawyers pounce upon KOTF and eat his brain meats*

I wouldn't steal stuff if I was you, it's just generally not a good idea to steal from a mad scientist.

*head regenerates*
*continues to take medical equiptmen*

*pulls out remoleculiser-9000+ and rebuilds Starbug*

*Watches various bits of generic dust and fluff off the floor build into a very small replica of Starbug, before collapsing in a heap*

Ah, now what you did wrong there was you forgot that the dust which was once Starbug had flown off and scattered to the four winds

Plus you're using the wrong tool, Starbugs molecules are alright, they're just forming very small bits of starbug. What you should have used is the ReCombobulator XL v3.2. I happen to have just such an item, it's yours for the low price of just a $£1.0E100

*pulls out a venusian time manipulator uses it on the remains of the dust and a large cloud of dust flys back into the lab goins the dust that was left an returns Starbug to its complete state it the moves to an orbit above the lab*
*sips *
ahhhh!
*continues to "borrow" medical equiptment*

*"borrows" Venusian time manipulator, points it at KOTF and turns him into a faetus*

Oh Lawyers!!

*Feeds faetal KOTF to the lawyers*

*looks smug as nothing happens*
isomorphic controls, it only works for me
*snatches the time manipulator back off T.B.*
*turns to lawyers*
haven't you got lives to ruin?
*the lawyers nod and run out*
go on and stay out you slimy back stabbers!
*grabs 17 bags of blood and climbs into a cupdoard under the sink*

*Listens as the magical, Nothing-KOTF-Says-Can-Counteract-This-Mincing-Cupboard camply prances around the room whilst turning KOTF into several pounds of fine lean ground meat.*

Oooh, sound painfull

*Quickly establishes that there is no item with an equivalent power over myself*

*steps ou the back end of the minceing machine and clicks neck*
that was un pleasent but lukily i had my personal forcefeild/watch on me
*teleports out to starbug and flies away before T.B. can do any thing*

* a small but important piece of paper drifts down from the hole in the ceiling, it reads

Both KOTF and TB Falsename hereby promise not to physically harm each other from this day forwards Signed KOTF and TB Falsename, Witnedd minichessemouse.

to be fair i didn't lay a finger on him