h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Does that 16 hours include air time?

It would indeed have included air time, Ma'am.
But some quick research by our public relations department has revealed that, in order to take advantage of scheduled services and hence keep the fare down to a competitive $450/day, you would have had to have taken to working at night.
I'm sorry to have to tell you that we have concluded that these arrangements would have been impractical for all concerned.
It is therefore with deep regret that we have decided to withdraw our offer.
Yours etc
Pinniped
Vice President, P&L Mining (North Derbyshire Division)

PS - please dispose of the photograph of your "new home" that we forwarded, since the property doesn't look like that any longer.

But I already work at night, it wouldn't be a problem! Wait! Don't go! It's not a problem! Stop running! Wait!

Too late, too late! The Pinniped & Legion travelling con has moved on. Where shall we stripmine next? I've heard good things about Yorkshire...we could reduce it to a barren, windswept wasteland and no-one would notice the change...

*Ducks to avoid mud, farm equipment and thrown by Yorkshireites*

Dear Ma'am,
Please excuse my business partner. He can get a little excitable when confronted by all these
If you would still really like to live in Dronfield, this can surely be arranged. There are new advantages, eg it isn't as hilly as it used to be.
We'll meet you at Sheffield Airport at the weekend for a trial visit. Please bring a tent. Or we can sell you one; Legion will work out the price.
No, sorry, not Sheffield; we've ploughed it up. Leeds? No, apparently not. Manchester...?
...Tell you what. Give us a couple of hours and we'll get back to you on this one...
Yours etc,
Pinniped
(Hey, Legion! Please tell me you haven't strip-mined Manchester Airport...)

Not this weekend! I'm seeing a man about buying a bridge in Brooklyn. How about the following weekend?

Next weekend will be fine

(Message to P&L Minings Associates Inc - Don't plough up the bridge just yet, OK?)

Awww Pinny, I wanna!

*Sulks*

Have you seen the handcuffs in my last post? New smileys! o-o

* off to find more new smileys*

Dear Ms Sarcastic
A slight mishap concerning a bridge that you had intended to purchase has been brought to my attention.
P&L Mining (highly reputable firm though we are) are a little overburdened with litigation at present, and so we would like to make you a never-to-be-repeated compensation offer.
If you keep this quiet, you can have the title deeds to a place called 'Noo Joizy'. We can't find it on the map, but our local expert has assured us that it will plough up nicely.
Happy Mining
Yours etc,
Pinniped
(Legion - you are so-o dead! What the hell are you doing, playing with and Pink Handcuffs at a time like this? No, on second thoughts, don't answer that...)

I'm just a man with a lotta love to give...



Forget you just heard that. Ahahaha. Ha.

Noo Joisy smells too much for my liking ... thanks anyway!

P & L Enterprises will have some nice real estate opening up real soon in the Middle East... Iraq, to be precise. We've got in another contracter to clear the land - it may glow at night, but you can bet it'll be flat as a pancake! Plots of land in Old Baghdad will start at £125,000 and go up in value as the radiation fades away over the course of a million years. It's a guaranteed money earner!