h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Dear Pinky, dear wondrous winder of wool, pink wool, dear clutcher of pink balls, how you worry so. We have no need to bludgeon intruders, no necessity to batter burglars. Do you not see!! You are sat on the snughound!! You thought the snughound was a sofa!!!

Let him sleep on in peace, no-one can disturb us now. Budge up a bit, let mesit beside you. Our work is done in the wool winding department. Time to relax!

And get to know each other better. Even, dare I say, intimately....

He-he **Dirty laugh***

What was that??

***Stares disconsolately at space where Pinky once was***

Buggeration, P, you've messed up again.

***Marches, straight-backed, to bar. Slams both hands down on sticky mahogany.***

Bar-keep, I need a drink!!!

*Pinky stirs from her sleep,stretches,yawns* You wanted me Phero ?
...............winks

***Wipes secret tear of joy and relief from eye***

Want, Pinks? Don't know about want! Might admit to a little "need" I suppose, as in 'I need a drink'.

Mmmmmmm,I could do with a drink too Phero

*Pinky rubs her eyes ,looks around the room ,tries so hard to focus *

Is that a bottle over there Phero >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> ?






( I've been away on holiday,next time I go awol,you'll be the first to know.Good to know your ok..smiles )

***Carefully examines (from a distance) Pinky all over***

Tell you what, Pinks, I'll be barman. Now, what is this stuff??? Absin.. Can't read it!! Label torn. Never mind, we'll start with that.

***Pours large portion into cocktail shaker***

Now, here's some "Genuine Napoleon Brandy".. Hmmm "Made in Spain, vintage 2009" I thought the chap was long dead. Never mind.

***Pours large portion into cocktail shaker***

Right, what else???

Absinthe ? Napoleon Brandy ? (genuine )Ermmmm,you wouldn't be trying to get me drunk now would you Phero ? Hmmmm ,I thought not ,ok we could do with a bit of ice ,well,quite a bit of ice actually ,some freshly squeezed orange juice perhaps ? How about a very small dash of Pernod ? That should liven things up .....shake it well now ...I'll polish the glasses (it has been known,I can polish things )

* Observes Phero very closely ,from the corner of her eye,notices ,that wasn't just a very small dash of Pernod,that was was a huge glug *

Moi...??? get you drunk???? Wouldn't dream of it old thing. (Pours a large glug of blue stuff in shaker before adding too many vodka ice cubes)

Let me just shake this about a bit. Nothing like a fruit juice cocktail before tea. (And this aint nothing like a... )

What are you doing with that Eastern European. Put him down and use a cloth!

Here have a sip or seven...

Hides behind back.

*slowely... slowely... slides off chair and on to the floor* oh... how...
*gets up and sits back on the chair* who's round is it?

***Glares at mis-spelt gladiator***

What? Where did you come from? Are you the bar-keep?

***Sidles along bar keeping well hidden.***

And, what have you done with Pinky??

Did.
hang on... are o.. you, did anyone,.... how can we get, like wehre is the bar keeper gone?

I am surely he/she.

And why have you got four legs? Stand still man, while I count...