h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*The Krylma Leader calmly walks through the Aroma Cafe's Majick Forest. Surprisingly, no one has yet questioned his presence, even with his evil reputation. In any event, he hasn't done anything wrong yet, so attacking him now would be bad. And, when he gets what he's coming for, many of the old and true Cafe Regulars may actually be happier when he removes a long-running problem from their midst. KL wanders down the path, and carefully looks around a tree. There lie the remains of the force field that Afgncaap5 installed all those months ago. Fortunately, the Aroma Cafe Forest Fire destroyed the machine, and it has yet to be prepared. Do to the nature of h2g2, Krylma Leader's quest object shouldn't be very hard to find. But will he be welcomed by his quest object, or attacked? Only time will tell. The Krylma Leader looks at his watch*

Night will fall soon. Hopefully I can find them before it gets too late. Don't want any disadvantage. I must make them see me for the only possible friend they have.

*KL pushes through some especially tough brambles, and continues on his way*

*Thought she heard some faint noises while over listening to the Saga of Blood on Ice. Gets up to take a look around.*

*Sees what appears to be a shadow-like movement about 20 yards off, starts to follow quietly. She momentarily looses track of whatever it may or may not be, and considers that her imagination may be getting the best of her.*

*She begins to turn back when she hears the sound of small branches snapping. The shadow quickly moves out of her range of vision.*

*Quietly she moves toward the spot where she last saw the shadow. There are especially thick brambles here, too thick for her to cross. Looking closely, she notices some little bits of cloth that have been caught on the thorns.*

*A chill runs down her spine, and she decides she better return to the perceived safety of the campfire.*

*Stands in the shadow of a tree and watches Witty Moniker wandering around, unaware of her presence. As soon as WM is out of sight, follows Krylma through the bushes.*

*can't seem to find WM, appears to have lost her trail, but spies DN creaping through thick bramble patch. Dons gloves and pushes through, noticing another type of cloth caught in the thorns.
Curiouser and curiouser.....

*After taking a few steps Babel-17 gets a nasty feeling of being followed instead of following someone.*

*stops, as the hairs on the nape of his neck rise. Looks around, but can see no-one. Stands completely still, hidden in the shadows. Waits.*

*On the way back to the campfire, she hears movement behind her. She slowly pivots in place and watches.*

*stands quietly in the shadow behind him*

*hearing nothing, but sensing movement, he takes a step back, to blend more perfectly with the shadow, (a trick taught to him many moons ago by his sensei) and stands on someones toes...*

*and the next moment has a knife on his neck*

*A sudden motion brings into focus 2 silhouetted figures. WM thinks that one may be Babel-17, the other she doesn't recognize.*

*She feels that B-17 is in grave danger, but she is separated from the pair by the brambles. Looking up she sees that the large tree she is standing next to has a thick branch that reaches out over the brambles. She kicks off her shoes begins to shinny silently up the tree and out onto the branch.*

*notices how sharp the knife is*
Ok, whoever-you-are. It might, at this moment, appear that you are in control of this situation, but I should warn you that should any harm come to me, it would not go well for you in the long run. I suggest you step away now, removing your knife from my neck, without marking or harming me. If that is you DO value your right to walk freely, unaided. The choice is yours.

*hears something from a tree nearby and takes a look into that direction but sees nothing*


Looks like there's a lot of people around here tonight... I don't think Krylma would approve me just deading this guy but I don't know if I can let him go either...


I have no intention to harm you. I have not been authorized for that. But in case you will try to stop us I will not hesitate to use this knife!

*removes the knife from his neck*

*Hears the verbal exchange below her between Babel and the stranger.*

*Her intuition tells her the immediate danger has passed. She swings her legs over the side of the branch and calls down.*

Hey, Babel... who's your friend?

*relaxes slightly as the knife is removed, but not enough to alert his antagonist. Looks up to see WM in the tree*
Hi Witty, I came looking for you. Funnily enough I was just going to ask my 'friend' here that very same question.
*turns and eases away from the stranger so that he is in a better position to see him.*
So who are you, stranger? And what brings you lurking around the Majic Forrest at this time of night?

*maintains her position in the tree, just in case she has to throw her weight around*

*WM feels a tap on shoulder*

Boo!

*WM jumps a little, as the cloaked silhouette of the Krylma Leader gracefully jumps to the floor*

Greetings, everyone. I was trying to be quiet, so as not to disturb anyone else. I have also seen to it that I have at least one of my agents with me.

*Motions to Darth Noire*

My reputation is not one of the best around h2g2. As the founder and ruler of STUMPED, the super villain's syndicate on h2g2, I would be distressed if it was one of the best. SBut believe me when I say that my operations here are in the best interest of everyone.

*Sits down on the ground, motioning for everyone to do the same*

If you know much about me, you know that I was once merely an h2g2 creation, created by Afgncaap5 to be the near-perfect villain. One who's very nature had transformed him to be less and less human, one who was a new terror, and yet an ancient scourge to all of the cosmos!

If you delve even further through the history of Afgncaap5, and also that of this very forest, and that of Affy's friend Garius Lupus, you will know that at one time, when this forest was new, Affy sensed a danger that no one else paid attention to, except for Garius.

One day, when everyone was feeling very restful, a giant rat-ant emerged from the forest, and almost killed Afgncaap5, and most likely would have, had it not been for the unfortunate act of kindness on the part of Garius. Afgncaap5 installed a force field to keep the ants away, but it was destroyed in the forest fire a few months back.

Since then, there have been a few reports of an entire nest of rat-ants. I intend to meet with them and have a talk with their leader. This would benefit everyone on h2g2. I remove a scourge from the forest, and also get a little extra protection wherever I go. These ants are very much like me, creatures brought against their will from another space and time to h2g2. When we form an alliance, life will be easier for everyone, especially me. I can't really walk around in public without at least one guard hiding somewhere. The two of you noticed me for some reason, and followed me out of curiosity. Had someone such as a superhero or police agent noticed me first, I may very well have been captured and injured when I had done nothing wrong.

So you see, my intentions are good. Would you like to join me in my noble quest?

*stays in her perch on the branch, makes eye contact with B-17, then Darth Noire and finally, the Krylma Leader*

I've heard of these rat-ants, but the stories sounded like urban myths. Describe them more closely for me, please.

Emar: I'm STILL not real comfortable being out here before we got Krymla's go-ahead.

Zeb: Hey, we're just watchin' his back. Like he said, a lotta people would jump him without a second thought.

Emar: Yeah well, just don't provoke anybody.

Zeb:...What are you implying?

Emar: You're not really...er...diplomatic.

Zeb: Relax, I'm not planning to do aything crazy.









Emar: Ummmh, whose deffinition of "crazy" are we using, here?

*The Krylma Leader grins at the presence of Zeb and Emar, unoticed by no one else, with the possible exception of Darth Noire. He will wait until a very tense moment to yell at them for showing up so soon*

I would be pleased to tell you of the rat-ants, Witty. If you know much about Afgncaap5, after his claims to be a mad scientist and holistic detective, you know of his connection to a place called Zork. Because of Afgncaap5, creatures and beings from the realm of Zork have entered h2g2. Normally, this would be a breach of continuity, seeing as people generally aren't allowed to switch genres. However, the ants have done little more than disturb a few people, so they are ignored for the most part.

Rat-ants are pretty much what they sound like. Insects roughly the size of a rat. They have many mamallian features, such as a rat tail, fur, claws, and a rat-like mouth, but those are altered by the ant-like pincers, body segments, compound eyes, antennae, and so forth. The rat-ants in the Majick Forest are more deadly than many because of their shear size. It is possible for a regular sized rat-ant all by itself to attack and kill a human, but it is almost a certainty with giants of this sort!

So, there you have it. They are only as much an urban legend as I was before I became a researcher. They do, in fact, exist, as Affy, Garius, Irving, Joanna, and several other people can attest to. And they exist in large numbers somewhere in this forest. I've spent a few weeks now taking info on all of their sitings, and have a general idea of where at least one entrance to their cave might be, so it won't take long. You are free to join me, if you wish. No tricks, no traps, no death threats. The only danger on this trip will be from the rat-ants. I give you that promise. And while I am a killer, a thief, a conspirator, and a supervillain, if there is one thing I have never done it is break a promise. That's an area where I've got fewer black marks than Affy. So, do you wish to join us?