h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Zeb(to Emar): So, when do you think these rat-ants show?

At least thats a start

*thinks to himself 'This place gets weirder by the minute'*

Sorry for my several posts of silence. Now, Irv, to answer some of your questions. First of all, there is no way you can no that I won't bother you with the rat-ants if I am succesful. However, it would be better for them to be generally friendly to humans except when a league of supervillains calls for them, than the standard, random dangers they currently represent. Besides, Affy has a bug spray that can kill them. As a veteran Zork player, and a scientist specializing in many degrees of science, he knows of a poison that can easily kill off the ants should I ever attempt to use them against society.

As for your second question, yes I believe I've got several flunkies lying around. I only originally asked for one, but others (such as Yowuzupman, sea, and evillene). Oh, and how could I forget these two?

*With a lightning fast motion, KL thrusts his arms into some bushes nearby. When his hands comes out, it's holding Emar and Zeb by the throats. KL hisses a sinister serpentine hiss*

You showed up before I gave the 'go-ahead'. You know what that means, don't you?

*KL drops the two, and reaches into his cloak. He pulls out an electronic memo-maker (CLI)*


Reminder to dock Zeb/Emar's next paycheck some. Or maybe just assign some ridiculously degrading/painful task.


Oh, and Big C? Your watch may not be functioning altogether properly due to the nature of this forest. Magic can sometimes have that kind of effect on science, which is why Afgncaap5 hides all of his magical experiments in giant illumynite store-houses, so that the magic can't seep out.

Now, all of you are more than welcome to come, but remember this: while on this mission, I want everyone to forget all previous arguments. STUMPED members, especially. I don't want any of your little arguments to escalate to some of the major fights you've had in other forums. I want everyone to be as honest to each other as possible. I can understand why Irv might not want us to know some things about this forest (just hypothetically, that is. I'm not saying that anything is wrong, you understand), just as there are things I would rather not let any non-STUMPED member know. However, we need to focus on the task at hand: locating the rat-ants, and keeping them from any future mishaps. Now, the entrance to their cave should be around here somewhere, so keep a sharp eye out for anything. Especially for insectoid-like shadows.

*KL starts wandering down the path again, pausing only to pull out a strange looking sword, which doesn't look unlike Affy's*

Okay, count me in.

*Climbs down from the branch and pulls her hiking boots back on. Takes a #2 knitting needle from her tote bag and slides it through her belt so it's handy. Follows KL.*

Hell...
*turns of his cloaking system...*
Knew there was something odd about this dive...no point hiding...
Well, I'll be off then, and watch the scene from the 'station...
Toodlepip...
*walks out of the Forest, and teleports back up to the Space Station...*

Zeb(mumbling as Krymla moves off):...the fool! I am no stranger to crappy, degrading tasks. I spent years as a double-agent in America's "Bureau Of Redundant Endeavors." No matter how low the pay or how horrible the job, I've dealt with worse! AHAHAHAHAHhahaha....(*sigh*)...I hate my life...

Hi KL. Can I take Zeb's spot in this fiendish crime? The *ahem* OTHER job you gave me sorta died out as no one's been around there. And I need some action...aw, why did YOU follow me?

*the last remark was directed at Kudos, who comes climbing out of the bushes*

Kudos: Hey, I'm bored. This planet sucks. But I can't go back to mine because SOMEONE *glares at Zeb* blew it up. *sigh*

Corrupt: Errrrmmmm...sorry, he's got a mind of his own now, kinda like you, KL.

I'll be in touch, call if you need back up. I'm gonna go "explore" the rest of the forest.

walks off

Zeb(overhearing Kudos and Corrupt): For the record, Kudos, I did NOT blow your planet up.


...I accidentally released a swarm of self copying nanites that took it apart at the molecular level. Sheesh, there's a world of difference betweent blowing up and THAT.

Kudos: world of difference, eh?

*Kudos releases a swarm of self copying nanites that take Zeb apart at the molecular level*

Kudos: How d'you like THEM apples, eh Zeb? MWAHAHAHAHA!!!

Corrupt: Errmm...didn't Krylma say we're not supposed to fight here?

Kudos: Quiet, you.

<...glowing image of Zeb appears just in front of Kudos...>

Zeb: FOOL!! BECAUSE OF MY DEALINGS WITH THE OUTER GODS, IN DEATH I HAVE BECOME A MASTER OF SPACE AND TIME!! MUHWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!

Emar: ....waaaaaaiiiiit a minute...!

<...Emar walks over to glowing Zeb, grabs him, and shakes vigorously. Glowing powder begins to fall off...>

Emar: ZEB!! Have you been watching Scooby-Doo again?!

Zeb:...And I would've gotten away with it if it wasn't for you, ya meddling acrobat!

Hmmmm!
*follows KL and Witty, fashioning a large spear with a very sharp point, from a fallen piece of branch.*

That will have to do for now, could double as a quarterstaff, I suppose. Perhaps I will find something better for the bow later.
can't hurt to tag along just now either. Well it could, if I fell down a big hole, or got into a nasty fight with laser guns or something.
*stomps off down the path*

Found this one trying to blow your head off. Drops the animal/ant on the ground. DNA readout says it's the type we are looking for. I'm not sure what clan we are dealing with though. They might have a interclan council that you could talk to. I only stunned him w/the Ion Cannon



yeah thats it, hes coming round now

Creature- hgjfrtrhkgkjhglkh....huh?

Take me to your leader..

[sea] don't worry, KL. we won't fight here.

[evillene] we know where the fun ends and the work begins....

*sea and evillene follow the others*

Zeb: Soooooo...Emar, you ever played Zork?

Emar: Nope.

Zeb: Then you've got no idea of how to deal with rat-ants...

Emar: That's right. Did YOU ever play Zork?

Zeb: Yeah, but not enough to know anything about its world. I basically entertained myself by locking myself in rooms where I knew I'd be eaten by grues. It was really cool.

Emar: You need help...

*Stops and looks at the still smoking rat-ant.*

So these things are sentient, right? I don't think this one will be very cooperative once it comes around.

Don't you think we ought to restrain it? I can think of 2 good reasons to do so.

1 - It might be really angry and try to attack us.

~and~

B - If it escapes, it will probably run back to the colony and warn them of our approach.

Not many rat-ants are sentient. The leaders and high ranking ones are usually sentient, or those that are independant of a colony are usually semi-sentient, but I don't think this one is. However...

*KL kicks the ant which squeals a bit. The insect looks at KL, and emits a series of squeals*

It's trying to tell us that we must not harm the leader. Also said something about us going to a picnic, but I think we'd better avoid that.

Weird aren't they?

Emar: So, Big K! Do you want us to go off and look for rat-ants, or do we just wait here?

Zeb: I'm tired of waiting! I want some rat-ant ACTION!

Emar: See, I'm asking because my counterpart here might not be the best canditate to negotiate some kind of pact. He's not exactly the diplomatic type. He mostly joined up for the prospect of battles and food.

Krymla: So why can't YOU negotiate with some rat-ants?

Emar: Err...Me? No, wait, I'm just a bystander...I'm just here to keep Zeb in line...!