h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*KL enters continues following the rat-ants. He heard what Darth Noire said, and agrees. The rat-ants seem to be acting far more civilized than ever before. In any event, the ants soon reach the entrance to the cave, which is oddly large enough for people to walk through. KL pulls out his sword, and continues into the dark cave, his lizard eyes adjusting very quickly to the near pitch-black darkness*

My sword is acting up. There is no threat here, but there is danger. Very odd, really. It's almost as if an ally had come ahead of me and done all of the hard work.

*KL turns a corner, and sees a very large, familiar looking wolf. For the first time in two and a half decades, shock registers on his face*

Werewolf?

*BBW chuckles to himself, which comes out as a low growl. He changes to human form, complete with huge grin. He strides over to KL and grasps his hand, then, overcome by the emotion of seeing his old friend again, embraces him. Stepping back, he looks KL over.*

You're looking well, Minos. I had feared ever seeing you again after we split up when we were being pursued by Volk's people. I found out later that you had deliberately obscured my trail and made your own obvious. When I found out, I returned and tried to trace you, but your trail abruptly vanished at the point where the pursuers had caught up with you. I assumed you had been killed or, worse, captured. But my few remaining spys could hear nothing of you in Atlantis. Then, recently, things began happening that, for someone who knows you as well as I do, were unmistakably your work. Around that time, I stumbled on this rat-ant nest and knew that it would not go unnoticed by you for long. I decided that I could partially repay you by making a gift of them to you, so I challenged their champion to a death match. As you know, in rat-ant societies, if an outsider can win a death match with the tribe's champion, that outsider can become the leader of the tribe and can either choose a new champion, or fight future death battles himself. Needless to say, I won the death match at small cost to myself *fingers torn ear* and have become the leader of the tribe. And, as I guessed, I didn't have long to wait for you to come to us.

Welcome, Minos.

Kinda makes you all warm and fuzzy inside, doesn't it?


Um, Mr. BBW, sir... how many rat-ants are there in this colony?

*Still staring at BBW in shock. Then, KL's trademarked evil grin sweeps over his face*

Nice to see you as well. I was afraid Volk might've caught up with you. In any event, you've already done what I had intended on doing. Now with the rat-ants under new leadership, they will no longer be a nuisance to the researchers.

*Turns to WM and B17*

Thank you for coming along on this mission, but as you can see, it was a pointless effort on my part. But now, the rat-ants are under the civilized leadership of STUMPED.

*He manages to hold that serious note for just a few more seconds before breaking into maniacal laughter. He stops laughing after just a few moments, and gets to the point where he can calmly speak again*

I'm sorry, I just had a mental image of Sea or Evillene or NYC getting their hands on the ownership of the rat-ants and trying to kill each other with them. That's how it would turn out. In any event, I will keep my end of the bargain: none of the non-STUMPED members will be harmed in any way for now. You may stay in the tunnels a bit longer, if you wish, but I will soon be leaving with the majority of rat-ants. And I promise not to use them in any evil plan for the next week. It'll probably be longer than that, but you never know when a really good opportunity to use an army of rat-ants will present itself.

In any event, BBW, how many rat-ants are there? That would be a good thing for all of us to know, as WM pointed out.

Well, it's not a huge colony, but there are several nurseries set up with lots of eggs. At the moment, we have one queen, 84 workers, 42 soldiers and Randak. And me, of course. Those numbers should roughly double every month or so (except for Randak, the queen and me). I have chosen Randak to be my champion and I *whispers* secretly "enhanced" him a little, so there is no way he can be beaten by a normal rat-ant. He was very grateful for the enhancements and is very loyal to me and I trust him implicitly.

If you need some soldiers, we can spare about half of them - we need about 20 to defend the colony and train the new rat-ant soldiers. If you need me, Randak is quite capable of managing the colony and I can communicate with him via this headset.

Hope we didn't frighten you too much, WM and B17. You are welcome in the colony here and can stay as long as you wish. We have some fermented nectar that is very nice, if you would like some.

[sea] we wouldn't use them to kill each other!

[evillene] i would.

[sea] allright, i would, but only on her and angel.

[angel] i would use them to uphold the good in the universe, and--

[sea and evillene] SHUT UP!

</not here.

do you have any fire-rat-ants?

He does now, if you'll remember that escapade with the peppers.

In any event, I shall take the half that are available, BBW, and will take more as they become available. I've already hatched a few schemes in my mind.



In any event, could you please send those rat-ants that can be spared to my Hangar? I will soon have a use for them aboard my ship.

BBW, if I could just get one of those Fire Ants I'd be grateful, and btw I won't use it for anything that is not inherintley evil!

Now then, I promised that these ants would not be used for evil until next Monday. I can't give that one away just yet.

In any event, I must return to my hangar and await the ant shipments. Just as I'll be awaiting the shipment of killer rabbits from Mt. SandEverest. And my specially made donut (from Joanna's). Farewell.

*KL turns, and exits the caverns. He dissapears within moments of walking through the forest outside, by some means known only to him*

ok

Well, it's been real, fellow adventurers. Asta la bye bye.

*WM heads back towards the Aroma Cafe*

*A cargo ship lands near the caves. Several ants pile into it before it takes off again*

*BBW finishes a discussion with Randak and leaves him in charge of the colony. BBW heads off into the woods.*

*ambling up to clearing in front of rat-ant nest entrance* Stops and sits up tall*

Heh heh heh, so these are rat-ants
*red eyes glowing*

*ambling up to guard*
sniff sniff sniff
heh heh heh, So which one was your father?

*ratant guard goes redface but stare straight ahead*
*guard on other side of nest looking sidelong trying not to laugh*

heh heh, Don't know?
Which half you like better?

of in the distance you begin to hear a deep sound that rolls across the land. As it gets closer you recognize it to be a Harley, a Harley going very fast, and it's jumping things too. Then suddenly coming through the trees a black and silver FXR comes bareling at the coloney. Yo hits the brakes hard and powerslides it to a stop sending durt flying everywhere.




So Styx whos side are you on?

*climbs up out of back pack*

Oh, it's only him. You can handled that by yourself, Styx.

*goes back to cleaning weaponry inside backpack*

Guess that answers my question, no matter... Hows the sewers back home Styx?