h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*Stares at Zeb and Emar, obviously undergoing some internal struggle*

No one is forbidden to come. However,...may I have the necromicon and the little black book before we begin? I'm still trying to get over the Mr. Rogers lookalike. But the two of you need not worry about discussing things with the rat-ants. I may be incorrect, but I believe I'm one of the few who can understand the language of the rat-ants. Meanwhile,...

*KL stops talking suddenly, and stares at his sword. Apparently, it gave some kind of signal that only KL could sense*

Hide! A some rat-ants are coming down the path!

*KL jumps to the top of the nearest tree, as the other members of the group hide in other places. After not too long, three rat-ants pass by, and exit through a group of bushes. A few minutes later, there is a loud scream, and the ants come back, carrying some kind of dead animal. They dissapear down the path. Everyone comes out of hiding*

Animals. I'd like 'em a lot more than sentient creatues, except for the fact that they act so primitive.

Emar: So THOSE were rat-ants. Well, hiding from them is just fine with me...except for the fact that I happened to dive into some kind of sticker bush. Ouch...

Zeb: Oh, and Krymla, you don't need to worry. I didn't bring the Necronomicon, and we've already promised to announce the use of celebrities BEFORE we enter a forum. It's too late for us to use a guest star now.

Krymla: So what DID you bring?

Zeb: My Cans-of Whoopass™...

<...Zeb holds up aluminum can...>

Krymla: I like how you've cunningly disguised them as cans of Fresca.

Zeb: ...I didn't disguise them as cans of Fresc-...Aaaaw CRAP!! I took the wrong six-pack!

*B-17 starts to crawl out from under the bush he dove under with WM. WM places her hand on his shoulder and hopes he can read lips. B-17 turns towards WM*


Wait a sec. I'm convinced that there is much more than meets the eye here. I suspect that the rat-ant alliance isn't the ultimate goal in this mission. You be sure to watch your back.

*nods understanding to WM*

I agree, you watch my back and I'll watch yours, OK?

I'm going to follow them. They will undoubtably go back to their base to eat so I figure thats our best bet!



Coming?

Of course.

*The Krylma Leader continues walking down the path. No one can see it due to his hooded face, but the Krylma Leader smiles and evil grin. If all goes well, the rat-ants will no longer be a menace to society, which should lessen any penalties in the event he ever gets arrested. Also, he will be able to cross off the first item in his long, drawn out scheme*

Remember, if anyone gets caught, please allow me to do the talking. Unless you know how to speak rat-ant, and just haven't mentioned it yet.

grmblerumblemmm

Sorry, I must be hungry.

*Takes 2 raspberry Nutrigrain bars out of her tote bag, hands one to B-17 and unwraps the other for herself.*

*Continues down the path*

Everyone, we're close now. My sword's sending me a fear signal, saying that danger is...about fifty yards that way.

*Points into a dense thicket, where the shadows seem a bit darker*

We'll probably be ambushed, so everyone keep a close watch on everything. They usually make themselves known slightly before attacking, though, so we may have some time to parley. In any event, if anyone has some kind of sugar-filled item, ready it: they'll eat sugar before eating flesh and blood.

*Pushes his way into the thicket*

Zeb: Does Fresca contain sugar?

*Continuing through the bramble*

Yes, I believe so.

*Would say more, but three very large rat-ants fall from the trees, and stare at the group. KL motions everyone else to stay completely motionless, as he listens to the squeaks and noises the rat-ants make*

Okay, they say that we can not proceed without tribute, and even then we run the personal risk of injury. Everyone, throw some kind of food.

*Reaches into his pocket, and throws a small loaf of waybread*

*WM gets 2 more Nutrigrain bars from her tote bag and hands one to B-17. They each toss them onto the tribute pile.*

Lets see what they are made of....

*The rat-ants sample the food. The one who eats the peppers mutates into a fire-breathing rat-ant, and runs away in embarresment. The others make a sound that resembles chortling, and converse with KL for a few more moments*

Okay, we can have a council with the leader. They've somehow communicated with the other rat-ants (except for the leader, who thinks in a different frequency), and they have sworn not to eat us. The leader, however, does not yet know we are coming.

*KL finishes talking, motions to the rat-ants, and follows them down a more discreet path. He readies his sword*

*notices that the rat-ants ate the wrappers from with the Nutrigrain bars and the Fresca can, makes a yucky face*

*follows behind KL*

*Desperately hopes that the leader will be informed of their presence before they arrive*

I hope they have a leader for that matter.............

This is too large of a tribe to not have a leader.

*Meanwhile, deep in the cave, BBW, in his wolf form wakes up. Several of the worker rat-ants notice and rush to bring him food. He stretches, yawns, then eats the food. Feeling fully refreshed, he turns his mind to business. First he puts on his headset that allows him to communicate on the rat-ant frequency. Then he addresses Randak, the rat-ant who is his second-in-command (and who was the leader of the tribe, until BBW took over.*

BBW: Randak, please report on the progress of the "visitors"

Randak: We are bringing them to the audience chamber now.

BBW: And they have not been harmed?

Randak: No, sir. We followed your orders precisely.

BBW: Good, good. Let me know when they are there and I will make my entrance. I can't wait to see KL's face when he finds me the leader here!

I sence a presence I have not felt for a long time, almost as if-