h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

This is not an original idea. It used to be a syndicated newspaper feature which in my yoof I enjoyed daily, but have not seen the like in years. And yet it helped me to become the open-minded and sensitive old fart I am today. Essentially, it's a constructive exercise in perspective and points of view.

For example:
1. I am big boned.
2. You are pleasantly plump.
3. He is grossly obese.

Sometimes it's better to reverse the order.
3. They committed an atrocious sneak attack
2. You caught them by surprise.
1. We initiated a pre-emptive action.

Give it some thought. Even if you never post one, you'll catch yourself doing it, and the world will be a better place.

peace
~jwf~

Thank you

Mel

I love it!
I've gotta learn how to do that more consistently.
Thanks, jwf!

This man refuses to acknowledge his wisdom but it's consistently there for all to see

Hold it right there folks!
This is supposed to stimulate your input and all I see so far is rave reviews. What I want is your versions of an ego-centric world.
Input people! Input! Flattery I can get from my dog.

1. I am a genius.
2. You're a pretty smart fella.
3. He thinks he knows everything.

Your turn.

These were used frequently in the 'Yes, Minister' and 'Yes, Prime Minister' series by Bernard.

"It's one of those irregular verbs, isn't it? I have an independant mind, you are eccentric, he is round the twist"

"That's another of those irregular verbs, isn't it? I give confidential briefings, you leak, he is being prosecuted under section 2a of the official secrets act"

I was inspired to come up with my own at the time, but my mental regurgitation ain't what it used to be, and they probably weren't any good anyway.

Here's one for you, jwf

Men find me irresistable.
You're developing a reputation.
She's a slut.

It's all a matter of perspective, isn't it?

Here's another

I married a man who could support our children.
You only want him for his money.
She's nothing better than a whore.

*uff* Doesn't sound too pretty, does it?

My face is beginning to show character
You're starting to show your age
She's a poor raddled old hag

???

Hang on, I think I've got it now

I am a perfectionist
You're a little fussy
She's a control freak

I'll give it a shot...

- I am an attractive person.
- You're not too shabby.
- He is a self-absorbed narcissist.

Or how about

I use cosmetics to enhance my features
You lay it on a bit heavy
She applies her make up with a pressuried hose

I'm the life of the party.
You're obnoxious.
He's making an ass of himself.

I am tactful
You are economical with the truth
He is a bare-faced liar

I know my own mind
You take some convincing
She's as stubborn as a mule.

Going to bed now. Must be getting old or summat

I budget wisely and spend cautiously.

You're very ..frugal. Are you Scottish?

He's a miserly tightwad.

I'm a wee bit tiddly.
You've had a cupful.
He's totally obliterated. ...

Here's my try on it...

I'm slightly confused.

He seems a bit abstracted.

She's short a shelf from her Reference Section.

Do I have it right? 8)

SC

but surely it can work the other way round when we are modest.

I have an idea when it comes to electronics
You are good at electronics
He is an electronics Genius

Though the truth be told we might all have the same level of competance.

Mel *trying to look at everything in more than one way nowadays *

I made an honest mistake.
You should know better.
He's an incompetent boob.