h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Hence, Dr.Evil's cat was as bald as his ritualisticly shaved testicles.

Charlie Dimmock doesn't look at all like a geek-girl to me. (I had hoped to hand pick them anyway.)

Maybe the best way to deter TV garden makeovers is to actually employ my own TV garden makeover team? That way I can have a few big TV cameras and some large and lethal garden machinery lying around as part of my defence system.

Teach them Ballroom Dancing, it got Dirmund Garvin laughed off the TV

Q: Should I have a tunnel from the plotting shed to my local pub?
It would be convenient, but of course, it could backfire if some do-gooder hero type comes along the tunnel.

What do you think?

It's worth the risk

Especially if you control the pub.

You could offer cutprice martinis to spies (on production of a licence to kill id), get them completely drunk so-

a. they forget their mission.

b. They fail to find the tunnel.

c. Your minions can easily pick them up.

Plus you get a handy route home when blind drunk - it being a faux pas to picked up by the local police for being drunk in charge of a plan to overtake the whole world.

Will transportation be provided to and from and if so, what kind? I don't like trains{drunk on leave in Paris, woke up on German border}and monorails, cool as they be, remind me of Disney Land. How about golf carts. Fun to drive even when inebreated{just LOOK at your average golfer} and on sporting nights will make fine substitute steeds for an inpromto joust.

How about Mini-Mokes? You could paint them black, which would show off your evil genius logo decals all the better. Every evil genius worth his salt should have a nefarious, sinister logo, with at least one twisty or zig-zagged 'S' shape in it.

With all these minions running around though, I hope everyone's devising proper 'evil-genius' employee holiday/sick pay packages. Maybe even a few pension packages, for those smarter minions who've managed to make it to retirement

None of my minions get sick. Except when I'm testing some new strain of bacillus and then there is no need for sick pay or time off. The hospital will look after you for what time you have left.

We offer pension plans that collapse the day before retirement and you can always work till you drop dead. An idea we've taken from the UK government.

But we it comes down to it... WE'RE EVIL GENIUSES...EMPLOYEES ARE TO BE WORKED INTO THE GROUND, SHOT, TURNED INTO FISH FOOD, OR PROVIDE TARGET PRACTICE FOR SPIES!

Benefits, indeed! Who do you think I am? Hank Scorpio?

An efficient minion is a happy minion

Didn't you see the 'what about the workers' discussion in 'Clerks'?

Minions do tend to talk, be it over a pint or on a pillow. You certainly can't kill everyone {who'll be left to fetch the mail} and eventually your best henchmen will leave for greener pastures. Better to breed contentment among the troops or you may end up like Ceaser...a human pin cushion.

well lets just say with (ahem)hindsight yup thats right and it was kinda funny, muhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah ahe he muhahahahahahahahahahahahahaahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaahhahahahahahahahahaahahaahahahahahhahahahahahaaha!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!