Good morevening

Well here I am Fummbling around in the digital blackness for a virtual door knob, Cpt Brik of the SS Titanic at your service a title I have earned through many Hours of battling with that dam Parrot!!!

Anyone who has spent any time aboard DNA's illustrious and aptly named Star Ship Titanic will know exactly what I'm talking about.

It is this very ship that brings me to the shores of H2G2, I was originally looking for the Star Ship Titanic forum of which several years ago I used to be a regular contributor after gaining my captains cap (both with feather and without, I would show you but I can't upload the picture......yet) but was dismayed (although not altogether surprised) to find that the links to the forums no longer reside at the bottom of the pages and therefore I sit and look misty eyed at the introduction page inviting me to join in with the on line chat about the game (and offering help to the newbies who are just trying to unpack their beds) but not actually being able to get to any of the three forums.(I'd be interested to here from any of the old bot's, I'm afraid i'm very bad with names but I do remember alpo (one of the Hatbots)

Oh Hum Never mind..... First of all a little history about the Brik

The miniature woolly Brik of Legend

The woolly Brik was a small creature that was not at all like the large multi skilled Brik's that we have today. A glorious beast covered in a coat of pure gold fur. They lived during the last ice age on a small moon called Legend orbiting around the seventh planet of a binary system in the co-fi krium galaxy. They would while away their days teetering on cliff edges and squabbling over nesting sites, awaiting the return of their mate with the days catch, this could take rather a long time as the Brik was not known for its speed. If you were to watch a Brik you would believe it to be an inanimate object and the time that it took to get the days catch would be in direct relation to the number of feet it was required to travel before being eaten by its favoured meal of choice the "gargantuan worb of Gastrolinus seven" as a rough rule of thumb your average Brik could travel approximately five inches an hour

Brik's were extremely territorial and were almost constantly in battles with other Brik's in the colony in order to secure their nest sites on the cliffs. Occasionally one would fall from it's perch on the cliffs into the rough sea's below, Brik's of old were not good swimmer's and nor could they fly they were however exceptionally good climbers and if they could gain purchase on the rock before sinking to the bottom sea they would very very slowly make their way back up to its nest. An order of lowarchy has formed as to the location of the nest sites, those nests at the top of the cliffs being the least desirable owing to the fact that as Brik's pair for life if a low ranking Brik fell off the cliff the resultant climb back to the top took so long that by the time it got back to it's mate, it's mate had most probably pined to death. Discovering this would cause the Brik to pine to death leading to the phrase which has been passed down in genetic memory "Whoa, burbleck yo dooky, ya Brik on Legend" which loosely translated means "Hey you, yes you the Brik from Legend, please mind the gap"

By the time a Brik realises it is dying it is too late to do anything about it, Brik doctors could take anything up to six weeks to arrive if they really got a turn of speed on. So in general they just didn't bother. The skeletal remains of the Brik would then become the cliff surface that future Brik's would live on and fight over, in fact the fossil remains of some of the larger colonies of Brik's have in the past been mistaken for the building's of ancient civilisations.

Modern day Brik's are by comparison remarkably quick except for their brains which still work at rate so remarkably slow that the current average length of time for a Brik to understand a joke is four days, the use of an automobile is strictly prohibited unless very very drunk and a Brikians idea of a fast food order needs to be formulated at least a week before going to the restaurant. This has lead to some interesting facts like there was once a case where upon ordering his food a Brikian was told that the meal he had picked was no longer on the menu and it took so long for him to pick something else that by the time the meal arrived the Brik had died of mall nutrition or of course there is the now infamous tale of the Brikian who upon getting to a drive through restaurant was hit by such a sudden bout of indecision that a traffic jam so large that it triggered the almost total gridlock of Legends largest and most powerful continent formed behind him, an event that caused the near complete collapse of the Brikian economy.

All this of course means that the only true vocation for a Brik is to Captain some of the largest ships ever built, Brikians make perfect super tanker drivers leading to some of the top selling disaster movies of all time. Of course with the advent of space travel the obvious choice of Captain for the legendary and gigantic Star Ship Titanic, a majestic and luxurious cruise liner launched from the ship building asteroids of archifactoral was a Brik.

.....

I was born In Britain (this is a coincidence Britain is the largest continent on Legend) vastly more than a week ago although at the same time vastly less than one hundred thousand million years ago. I am it be can stated with reasonable certainty "somewhere in the middle" both geographicly and cronologicly.

For much of my early life I was regarded as a complete nonse. I mean Derrr I couldn't even spell my own name

I grew up in a time before Brixlexia was recognised and so I spent my entire school life as did many Brikslexics before me in remiadial classes reading "Peter and Jane" books. Books I spent so many years reading that I knew them off by heart and therefore did not need to read them. of course anyone who knows anything about anything about Brik's knows that the Brik is not a fast learner but once they get going you can't stop them (well not quickly anyway)

Trouble is you see that in the same way that the message takes a long time to get to the Brikian brain to start learing I think that it takes at least twice as long to tell it to stop learning....why over twice as long?.... well obviously as the brain is almost totaly preocupied with learning it never really gets round to reading its missives

Hats don't like me. Whenever I get a hat (exept my Cpt Hat)it commits suicide or runs away or both, one which I still have nightmares about was a particularly nice Rolls Royce baseball cap (or being as it's Rolls Royce maybe it was a rowing cap) which leapt out of the sunroof of my car and hurled itself under the wheels of the BMW travelling behind me on my way home from a beer festival (Its Ok I wasn't Driving......nobody could have called that driving), an event that clearly traumatised the driver of the BMW as well for he seemed to become hysterical with uncontrolled laughter.(well it's not every day that you witness a drunken man trying to climb out of the sunroof of his car to retrive a hat whilst at speed and still wearing his seatbelt)

I just for the record do not feel the same way about hats but tend not to wear them these days out of respect for their views.

So now you know absolutely nothing useful about me other than it's not a wise move to lend me your hat!

Hello I'm Brik of the captain variety

Cpt Brik SS Titanic.....

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