Uncle Ghengis

I'm going to use this page as a repository and source of wisdom. Not MY wisdom, but that of my fictional "Great Uncle Ghengis" - (having a fictional relative is great. It's sort of like having a latter-day Fairy Godmother or something.) Anyway, the three most important pearls of wisdom are (as I was instructed by my illustrious Uncle)...

  1. Never go out with a woman who wears a camel around her neck.

  2. Before sitting down, always check for Trolls.1

  3. Keep away from babies and children. (danger of suffocation)2

I urge you to follow this advice religiously; it is extremely important.

My Uncle Ghengis had many adventures and travelled all over the world, righting wrongs, annoying people, getting involved in various local wars (he even claimed to have started a few), hob-nobbing with nobles, conversing with scholars and generally putting himself about a bit. For many of his adventures he was accompanied by a very intelligent parrot named Archie Pelago3, who sadly outlived him4. My Uncle also invented several useful machines for the benefit of his fellow man including a combined bicycle and boot-polisher, an armour plated pram and a tiny portable beer engine. Furthermore, he wrote at length on many subjects including politics, cosmology, warfare, women, horticulture and etiquette. His treatise on how to feed the poor by cultivating onions on the rooftops of Moscow was particularly imaginative.

I have sworn to try to ensure the legacy of my late Great Uncle is not lost to the world, and I hope this page can help immortalise his contribution to society.

1Trolls - in this instance refers to "toilet rolls".2This pearl of wisdom was (of course) discovered by my Great Uncle written on the bottom of a plastic bag.3He reasoned that if Dr Doolittle could have a Parrot called Poly Nesia, then he could call his: Archie Pelago. An example of my great Uncles use of logic.4At least we haven't heard of Uncle Ghengis since he decided to join a circus troupe in the Pripet Marshes. He was a sprightly 117 years of age.

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Uncle Ghengis

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