h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

MY BASE
By Capt "Evil" LeRue

MMMMMMMWWWWWHHHAAAAAAAA.Check evil Laugh.Anywhooo picture an evil base in ........Ireland,no amount of ingenius devices would work aswell as the weather in keeping away goodie twoshoes spy.My secret network of camera's would be disguised as cows and instead of the mandatory killer sharks with lazers on their heads,I would have killer sheep that slowly nibble you to death over several years. All of this would be housed in an pub.

My minions would be dresswed in tweed jackets and linen pants with a very stylish lazer gun hidden as a walking stick.

Now lets say, hypotheticaly mind you, that I'm seeking employ. Is the beer free? I'm thinking fringe benefit but being in the bag may preclude serious evilness. Maybe a pack of crisps would help. If a spy were to infiltrate, we could either vomit on him or just stun him with the dreaded "sourcream and onion" breath.

The answear to the beer question is guinness is free,bailys,for the ladez,whiskey etc all are cost price.

The spy would be introduced to the large,beefy,and for some strange reason smelling of pickled eggs,barman.Who then procedes in an incomprehensible string of local warnings that would totally confuse and confound the enemy. Then if he continues his shenanigans we'll introduce him to,DA DA DOOM,"THE TRADITIONAL IRISH MUSIC"

MMMMMMWWWWWWWHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAetc.

that sounds great but what if the spy is a river dancer? he'll never leave!!

Force feed him Irish stew!!!!
MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAetc