h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

sheep can't talk

are you sure?

Mort

not completely

>
What do you call a fish with no eyes?
>

A fsh.

Nothing wrong with the idea of a solar powered torch. It stores electricity during the day time so you can use it after it gets dark! Else would the much vaunted, solar powered houses be any use, if you could only live in them during the daytime?

still a good joke non-the-less

Football Joke :

Gerard Houllier was wheeling his shopping trolley across the supermarket Car park when he noticed an old lady struggling with her shopping.

He Stopped and asked, "Can you manage dear?" to which the old lady replied, "no way. you got yourself into this mess, don't ask me to sort it out!"

did u know
a slug is a snail with a housing problem?

a bit naughty this one . . .

have you heard about the latest sexual position ?
. . .the Plumber position !

you stay in all day and no one comes . . .

A man walked into a bar....

... he knocked himself out.

OK... how long does it take Darth Vader to change a lightbulb








...he doesn't - he likes it on the Dark Side

My telephone rang so I picked it up and asked who was speeking. The voice at the other end said 'You are'


Hath
x

Theres more and they get worse

i like them!

did you hear about the dyslexic devil worshipper?

he sold his soul to santa

how do you make a blondes eye's light up?

you shine a torch through her ears

what do you call a blonde with 2 brain cells?

pregnant

seeing as i come from liverpool i'm allowed to get away with telling these jokes

what do you call a scouser in a suit?

the accused

what do you call a scouser in a white track suit?

the bride

what do you do if you see a scouser in a 4 bedroomed house?

call the police

why does the river mersey run through liverpool?

coz if it did'nt the scousers would pinch it

this is a little naughty so plz don't be offended

how do you confuse and archeologist?

give him a used tampax and ask him to tell you which period it came from

what do female elephants use as tampax?

sheep!

ok they were a little bit sick so everyone

I wanted to put the elephant one on, but I didn't dare
What do elephants use as a tampon?
SHEEP!
I couldn't stop laughing first time I heard that.

hello werekitty and you should of just put the elephant joke as it's not as bad as some of the one's that are outhere and that are just as funny

i must admit i peed my pants laughing myself the first time i heared that one

How do you separate the men from the boys in the Navy?



With a crowbar

First-year students at Med School were receiving their first anatomy class with a real dead human body. They all gathered around the surgery table with the body covered with a white sheet. The professor started the class by telling them, "In medicine, it is necessary to have 2 important qualities as a doctor: The first is that you not be disgusted by anything involving the human body."


For an example, the Professor pulled back the sheet, stuck his finger in the butt of the corpse, withdrew it and stuck it in his mouth. "Go ahead and do the same thing," he told his students. The students freaked out, hesitated for several minutes, but eventually took turns sticking a finger in the butt of the dead body and sucking on it.

When everyone finished, the Professor looked at them and told them, "The second most important quality is observation. I stuck in my middle finger and sucked on my index finger. Now learn to pay attention."