A Conversation for Jokeathon

Jokeathon - Tell A Joke

Post 21

spook

i guess we'll find out tomorrow.

q. why did the one eyed chicken cross the road?

a. to get to the bird's eye shop!smiley - biggrin

spooksmiley - aliensmile


Jokeathon - Tell A Joke

Post 22

Terran

Theres an English man, Irish man and a Scots man on a desert island. While walking through the island the Irish man finds a magic lamp. He decides to take it back to to show the other two, and while they try to clean it up a Genie appears.
He addresses the the men :

"I am the genie of the lamp, and for freeing me I shall grant you a wish each."

Firstly he asks the English man, who tells him that he misses his family and would like to go home to England. The genie grants him his wish and he disappears.

He then asks the Scottish man, who tells him the same, that he would like to go home to his family. So the genie sends him back to Scotland.

The genie then asks the Irish man what he would do with his wish. The Irish man looks around, and gets a bit sad. "I wish I had my mates back" smiley - biggrin


(BTW : I'm half Irish so I'm allowed to tell those jokes smiley - winkeye)

Vercingetorix smiley - fullmoon


Jokeathon - Tell A Joke

Post 23

J

A wealthy man decided to go on a safari in Africa. He took his faithful pet dog along for company. One day the dog starts chasing butterflies and before long he discovers that he is lost. So, wandering about he notices a leopard heading rapidly in his direction with the obvious intention of having lunch.

The dog thinks, "Boyo, I'm in deep doo-doo now." (He was an Irish setter).... Then he noticed some bones on the ground close by, and immediately settles down to chew on the bones with his back to the approaching cat.

Just as the leopard is about to leap, the dog exclaims loudly, "Man, that was one delicious leopard. I wonder if there are any more around here?"

Hearing this the leopard halts his attack in mid stride, as a look of terror comes over him, and slinks away into the trees. "Whew", says the leopard. "That was close. That dog nearly had me."

Meanwhile, a monkey who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree, figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the leopard. So, off he goes. But the dog saw him heading after the leopard with great speed, and figured that something must be up.

The monkey soon catches up with the leopard, spills the beans and strikes a deal for himself with the leopard. The cat is furious at being made a fool of and says, "Here monkey, hop on my back and see what's going to happen to that conniving canine."

Now the dog sees the leopard coming with the monkey on his back, and thinks," What am I going to do now?" But instead of running, the dog sits down with his back to his attackers pretending he hasn't seen them yet. And just when they get close enough to hear, the dog says, "Where's that monkey. I just can never trust him. I sent him off half an hour ago to bring me another leopard, and he's still not back!!"

smiley - blacksheep


Jokeathon - Tell A Joke

Post 24

Mort - a middle aged Girl Interrupted


at the risk of triggering 1001 lightbulb jokes.......smiley - winkeye

how many psychiatrists does it take to change a lightbulb?

One, but the lightbulb has got to want to change.......smiley - groan


Jokeathon - Tell A Joke

Post 25

Mort - a middle aged Girl Interrupted

Q: Whats brown and sticky?

A: A stick!

(are you noticing a theme in my jokes? - very simple!smiley - doh)


Jokeathon - Tell A Joke

Post 26

spook

simple = smiley - cool


Jokeathon - Tell A Joke

Post 27

spook

q. what's blue and fluffy>

a. blue fluff


Jokeathon - Tell A Joke

Post 28

Terran

Yes but what about mind-bogglingly complex? smiley - cool


Jokeathon - Tell A Joke

Post 29

ex Brigadeer, now Tealady Werekitty aka Tobru De'ran; ex sith extraordinaire, well poked veggie fascist and Goo Goose

If all four walls face south the only place the house could be is bang on the north pole. Therefore the bear is white because only a polar bear can survive on the North pole. smiley - laugh


Jokeathon - Tell A Joke

Post 30

Terran

A man walks in to a bar and hurts himself


Jokeathon - Tell A Joke

Post 31

Mort - a middle aged Girl Interrupted


Q When is a door, not a door?

A When it's ajar smiley - groan


Jokeathon - Tell A Joke

Post 32

spook

smiley - laugh

they just get better and better!smiley - smiley


Jokeathon - Tell A Joke

Post 33

Mort - a middle aged Girl Interrupted

Q: Whats the difference between Viagra and Prozac?

A: With one you get a smiley - bleep, with the other you couldn't give a smiley - bleep

smiley - laughsmiley - blushsmiley - laugh


Jokeathon - Tell A Joke

Post 34

J

A man goes to a Psychologist and says, "Doc I got a real problem, I can't stop thinking about sex."

The Psychologist says, "Well let's see what we can find out", and pulls out his ink blots. "What is this a picture of?" he asks.

The man turns the picture upside down then turns it around and states, "That's a man and a woman on a bed making love."

The Psychologist says, "very interesting," and shows the next picture. "And what is this a picture of?"

The man looks and turns it in different directions and says, "That's a man and a woman on a bed making love."

The Psychologists tries again with the third ink blot, and asks the same question, "What is this a picture of?"

The patient again turns it in all directions and replies, "That's a man and a woman on a bed making love."

The Psychologist states, "Well, yes, you do seem to be obsessed with sex."

"Me!?" demands the patient. "You're the one who keeps showing me the dirty pictures!"


Jokeathon - Tell A Joke

Post 35

Mort - a middle aged Girl Interrupted


and


Jokeathon - Tell A Joke

Post 36

J

I subscribe to Joke of the day, it's a little something to look forward to.

smiley - blacksheep


Jokeathon - Tell A Joke

Post 37

Chronicargonaut

Hello
Here is a joke.
Its a bit old, but its a classic.
I think I can recall the punch line, here goes.


"Knock Knock."
"Who's there?"
"Doctor."


No, sorry, I've forgotten the punchline.


Jokeathon - Tell A Joke

Post 38

Hathornefer (ACE) Near miss - isnt that what you'd call a hit

Q) Whats the difference between roast beef and pea soup?

A) Anyone can roast beef smiley - winkeye


Hath
x


Jokeathon - Tell A Joke

Post 39

J

What is the capitol of Japan?


"J"

smiley - blacksheep


Jokeathon - Tell A Joke

Post 40

Hathornefer (ACE) Near miss - isnt that what you'd call a hit

Ok... on a roll here:


Q) What do you get if you cross a kangaroo and a sheep?

A) A woolly jumper


and


Q) How do you make a Swiss roll?

A) Push him down the hill
(with appols to the Swiss)


and


Q)What’s a Grecian urn?

A) About 100 drachmas


and


Q) How do you make a Venetian blind?

A) Poke your fingers in his eyes
(again, with appols)


and (you’re ok its coming to an end here)


Q) Why did the hedgehog cross the road?

A) To see his flatmate
(with appols to hedgehogs)



Phew, glad I got them out of my system, there will be more tomorrow as I can feel another bout comming on smiley - ill

Hath
x


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