h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

tell a joke. i'll start this off:

Why did the chicken cross the road?

To get to the other side!

THE EDITOR

I don't get it

Q: What do you call a sheep with no legs?

A: A Cloud!

Tis my fave joke in the whole wide world ever. Does that make me a saddo?

yes!

naah just kidding.

have you heard about the guy who invented the solar powered torch?

I get it!!!!!!!!

admittedly i did think for a nanno second what the punchline would be - only a nanno second I swear

any more jokes anyone?

nothing suitable.

A waiter asks a man, “May I take your order, sir?”

“Yes,” the man replies. “I’m just wondering, exactly how do you prepare your chickens?”

“Nothing special, sir. We just tell them straight out that they’re going to die.”

doh! A waiter asks a man, my I take your order sir?

Yes, the man replies. Im just wondering, exactly how do you prepare your chickens?

Nothing special, sir. We just tell them straight out that they're going to die.

Did you hear about the dyslexic, agnostic, insomniac?
He stayed up all night wondering if there was a Dog.

A young blonde was on vacation in the depths of Louisiana. She wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking.

After becoming very frustrated with the no haggle attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the blonde shouted, Maybe I'll just go out and catch my own alligator so I can get a pair of shoes at a reasonable price!

The shopkeeper said By all means, be my guest. Maybe youll luck out and catch yourself a big one! Determined, the blonde turned and headed for the swamps, set on catching herself an alligator.

Later in the day, the shopkeeper was driving home, when he spotted the young woman standing waist deep in the water, shotgun in hand. Just then, he saw a huge 9-foot alligator swimming quickly toward her. She took aim, killed the creature, and with a great deal of effort hauled it on to the swamp bank. Lying nearby were several more of the dead creatures. The shopkeeper watched in amazement. Just then the blonde flipped the alligator on its back, and frustrated, shouts out, Damn it, this one isn't wearing any shoes either!

What did the apple say to the worm?
You're boring me.

Why did the ram fall off the cliff?
Because he didn't see the ewe turn.

Two campers were hiking in the forest when all of a sudden a bear jumps out of a bush and starts chasing them. Both campers start running for their lives, when one of them stops and starts to put on his running shoes.
His partner says, What are you doing? You can't outrun a bear!

His friend replies, I don't have to outrun the bear, I only have to outrun you!

Why did Beethoven kill his chicken?
It kept saying Bach, Bach, Bach...

All four walls of a house face south. What is the colour of the bear that walks past?

nice!

thanks, can you answer the riddle?

depends what type of bear it is. if it is a normal brown bear it wil be brown, as the walls facing south doesn't change the colour of the bear.

spook

unless the walls are tinfoil, and there is an enormous light in the south, then the bear is not only blind, but whiteish

?