h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*looks around for damsels in distress*

*discovers that Madame Pansy has disappeared*

*mutters to himself* Ah, mais merde - she is fast, that one, no?

*squats down next to Thistle Howl*

'allo my dear - what are you looking for? May I assist you?

*A young lady rushes towards the stage from the wings. She abruptly slows to a walk and saunters casually onto the stage. The effect is somewhat lost as a large barrels into her from behind, bowling her over. The sheep skids to a halt and looks out at the audience with very wide eyes. It scampers back to the young lady, who is just getting up, and tries to hide behind her. The lady scowls at the sheep, then at the audience.*

I had a song all ready, but now I've forgotten it.

*elbows Witty*


A new character!
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*applauds politely*

*enters*

Did someone mention eggs?

Ah!

*gets up with some difficulty, approaches the lady witht he *

Ahem.. if I may, Mademoiselle?

Mary had a vampire bat
His fur was black as night
He followed her to school one day
And promised not to bite

She brought him out for show-and-tell
The teacher screamed and ran
And school was cancelled for a week
Just as Mary planned

*winks at Mary*

*a flutters down from above and settles on Mary's shoulder*

*waves to Peta*
Don't worry you haven't missed much. They're getting ready to look for the eggs.
Want someanyone? Caerwynn?

*winks at coelacanth*

Applaudes wildly!

*takes a handful of *

Watches intently...

<-- barks at the duck, and twice at the

1: I smell the pine this way.
2: I smell it too.
3: Jump!

*the mice all jump and land on the tree more or less successfully, causing the branches to sway rather alarmingly*

2: Is this where we run up the clock?
1: We're being upstaged by a flock!
3: My whiskers have taken a knock.
1: The audience has gone into shock!
2: Miss Pansy is changing her frock...
3: The new one looks more like a smock.
1: I forget where I've hidden the Glock.

*they all go silent for a few moments*

2: *aside* We'll find some other way.
3: Marks!

*they scamper up to the very top of the tree and pose around the star*

*pouts. For a second there the really cool Stranger was about to pay attention to her...then the adult women came on stage. Sigh!
She feels better moments later when the Stranger begins to recite.*

Oooooooooooh, neat! That's really, really good!

*she produces a pencil and a little notebook and tries to get it down*

Let's see..."Mary had a vampire bat..."

*she's having trouble writing. Her seat wobbles.*

*takes some and passes the Quality Street round, handily and hygenically dewrapped*

Thanks coely.

*looks for a triangular one which had formerly been green*

*from underneath the table*

No wonder it was such a bother
To hide ourselves her under cover
For when poor humpty's fall we broke
It seems we picked up some small bloke
Our increased girth was not the fault
Of cake and pies and single malt
But to hangers-on entirely due
And what comes next we've not a clue
But if you're wise, take our advice
And keep your eyes on those three mice

*struggles to get from under the table and onto her feet*

*Scrambles out from under the table on all fours, dusts off his knees and stands.*

Did I hear someone say an egg we seek?
Then Lo! stand around rapt and hear me speak,
For certain as my own name is "Humpty"
I search for my long lost brother, Humphrey.

Only in a pantomime
Could someone venture such a rhyme

Come, come. We must lead you all,
On a wonderful, fantastical, mystery tour.
Through Garden and Lake,
Through Spire and Jail,
And finally *their voices rise*
To an estate agents.

Grumpy: Bit of an anti-climax
Rest: Shut-up

**After the debacle with the , Purr decides to play it safe by teaming with another character.**

Parrdon meow, dearr Miss Thistle Howl. Ai have noticed yeour sseating arrangement is a bit prrecariouss.
**Pulls the stool from in front of the table close to her.**

May Ai assisst yeou in gaining a better vantage point?
**Holds out his arm, then a startled eggspression crosses his face.**

Dearr lady, what IS thiss upon which yeou have perrched?
**He leans closer to examine Thistle Howl's seat. (The Object she's sitting on! Well, okay, maybe the other as well.)**

*winces as he experiences a sudden stinging sensation between his shoulder blades*

*looks around, confused, but decides to ignore it*

Ladies - are you ready for the tour?

*bows, twirls his moustache, and then offers one arm to Mary and the other arm to Robyn*

*Eyes light up as the bat lands on her shoulder*

Oh! How did you know?

*Take the stranger's arm and smiles sweetly at him while giving a discrete hand signal to the sheep. The sheep noses it's way between the stranger and Robyn, separating the two.*