h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*whispers 'mint sauce' in the sheep's ear*

Are these eggs golden perchance?

*she remains ever hopeful of improving her circumstance*

*winces*

**Purr's ears flick back upon overhearing the words 'mint sauce' and he gets a rumbly in his tumbly. He focuses earnestly upon Thistle Howl and asks in a low voice (aside)...**
Have yeou everr been parrt of a sstage prroduction with quite sso much livesstock at hand? Ai ffind it verry disstracting...
**He unconsciously licks his lips.**

Back to the matterr at hand, though. What is thiss object yeou arre sseated upon?

*Mary bats her eyelashes at the stranger*

<-- curls it's lip at Robyn, revealing sharp pointy teeth.

[ calls from the audience] Oh no! Wouldn't listen to me, would you?! "It's just a harmless li'l old , that's all," you said. But I'm tellin' you it's vicious...and it's got these huge teeff... [holds his right hand in front of his mouth, index and middle fingers curled slightly, as if they are two huge fangs] It's DANGerous, I tell you...

Where shall we go first?
The silver, shining Lake
Or the Garden quite perverse?
Or perhaps away to the Spire,
Then there's only a jail.

Which way audience? You decide and we wil lead on.

*shouts*

The Lake, the lake!!!

*Steps on a dwarfs beard to get his attention. The beard pulls down off of his face on elastic straps. Steps off of the beard, which snaps back in the dwarf's face. Bends down and stage-whispers in his ear.*

You fool! Didn't you hear what the stage manager said in his office? The tour doesn't start until Sunday!

*Straightens up and gives the Stranger's arm a squeeze.*

<--- looks at dwarf and says "baaaaaaaaad"

Bad Pussy! He's got no good in mind, I'm sure.

*wags her tail, you have to admit that it is a cute tail. Then Thistle realizes her tail isn't what the cat is talking about (probably).*

This thing? It sure is pretty. What do you suppose it is?

*She stands and the audience should get a good view of the golden oblate spheriod between her large feet.*

*reappears, just in time to see the making ugly faces*



*hides beneath the again*

*pops out head to check the golden thing - and the shape of it seems to remind him of something*

*dutifully notices the golden oblate spheriod between Thistle's feet*

*nods approvingly*

1: Only a jail, the seven dwarves said.
2: I never heard anything so ill-bred!
3: You can't trust a dwarf if his beard is all red.

1: Maybe that's where the farmer's wife fled!
2: As soon as we find her we'll fill her with lead.
3: And get our tails back when she's finally dead.

*goes over the *

Ducky, darling there is no need to be scared, do come out.

*holds her hand out encouragingly to the duck*

My sisters are always telling me I shouldn't go out without a brown paper bag over my head in case I scare the horses, but I don't care. You don't look at all ugly to me or anyone else, I'm sure.

Look at Robyn, she has to wear a mask over her face

Ah, Cinders, just come over here
And help yourself to milk, my dear

*moves over to a milking stool*

Someone's out to have a laugh
This would suit a tall giraffe

**Furr es a bit at being caught red-handed in the midst of the innuendo, then turns partly to the Audience and quips...**

Yeou looked sso uncomfforrtable there on yeour seat;
(Though watching yeou squirrm was a pleassurre!)
But now that yeou've rrisen and come to yeour feet,
Rrevealing to us hidden treassure,
Let's examine the prize...
(Pleasse move yeour thighs.)
Someone bring a large scale!
And we'll gauge it's ffull worrth at ourr leissurre.
A Fine Goose musst've travailed
To lay a Golden Egg of such a meassurre.

**He nods and gives a slight bow, then whispers conspiratorially to Thistle Wolf.**

Wanna split the "finder's fee", or should we just hock it?

1: Does the cat really want the egg?
2: Or is he after a bit of leg?

3: *tapping his way along a branch and setting a few ornaments tinkling*
What kind of egg is Mr. Dumpty?
1: *sniffing the air*
The kind whose fate is to be crumped! He
Might be here to take the fall.
2: That assumption's off the wall.

3: *slips and falls before catching another branch a few feet down*
Thank you kindly.

**Purr grimaces at the 's jibe, dips his hat strategically below one eye, and leans toward the rodent-festooned Holiday Tree.**

Rremind meow to ssend yeour forrwarding addrress to the Farrmer's Wife. Perrhaps there is a grrain of trruth in yeour jesst, and Ai sshould leave the public dissplay of affection to the Mysterrious Strranger. Afterr all, Thistle Howl and Ai would only resorrt to ffighting like catss and dogss in the end.

*blushes from all the attention, even though she really doesn't understand what Purr and the Mice are talking about. For a moment she considers asking her mother about this when she gets home, but decides she'll just be told that she'll understand when she gets a bit older. Thistle decides to pay more attention to this thing she's been sitting on.*

Why are you so interested in this...oh...OH! Cool, lookit what we found! But what are we going to do with it? We're going on tour tomorow and I and sooooooooooooo not going to carry this thing around the Island with me. It's bigger than my head.

[Front]: I think that 'thing' was meant, in fact,
To be found in the final Act
Perhaps we should that 'thing' ignore
And head off shortly on our tour