h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*Buttercup works her way round the back of the table to start the third lap of the stage*

*as pantomime cow comes by table, the mice scurry up the side of the costume and assume new positions on the head where they link hands and dance in a circle*

1: Psst, Buttercup!
2: One more lap and we cue the principal actors' speeches!
3: Don't tilt your head!
1: You can let us off at the tree.
2: Thank you kindly.
3: Thank you kindly.

Have we collected everyone yet?

Aaargh! The planets must be in the wrong position or something.

[Front]: Have we collected everyone yet?

I don't get it - was Amy the front or the back part?

Beats me. I'm with Amy, something's up with the planets. This is at least the third thread I've seen today where confusion is the word of the day.

*munches her

*top dwarf leaps down onto cow's back to talk to her*

[stage whisper to buttercup]
not quite. there's robyn bankes, grimm, humpty dumpty, mysterious stranger, pansy ffing and cinders still missing. you don't think they could have forgotten do you.
[/stage whisper to buttercup]

*a handsome couple entering from the left: a tall, handsome male immaculately dressed in tails, with a cape draped over his shoulders and a Dali-style moustache - and a young woman whose beauty is apparent despite her rather worn dress*

*Wiener-waltzing across the stage, elegantly avoiding bumping into the other characters*



In my arms
rest, oh beauty
without fear
without hope

Driven by
line of duty
I will now
with you - elope!

*exeunt, to the right*

*elbows Witty*

Did you see that? Didn't he look rather like a... like a...

*Pansy bounds onto the stage, pats her beautiful hair which is in a bouffant style to match her skirt*

Hello boys and girls! *waves*
Don't you worry about a thing! Pansy's in the house. Just enjoy the show!

*Suddenly she spots *


EEEEEEEEEEEKKKKKKKKK!!!!!!!


*She pulls her voluminous skirt up over her face, and then all the petticoats as well, to reveal large, pink, spotted bloomers*

Save me someone!!!

*Starts to tell Titania that the Mysterious Stranger gives her the creeps, is rendered speechless by Pansy's bloomers.*

*comes hurtling on to the stage*

*muttering*

I missed my cue, I missed my cue, was there a cue....?

*falls off her seat, giggling hysterically at the rather chaotic scene*

*noises off*

Unhand me sir, we have only just been introduced and I don't intend exchanging one hearth for another just yet!

*Enters, from above*

...
a
a
a
i
i
i
e
e
e
!

*Lands squarely on the the Pantomime Cow, who breaks his fall. Looks around, bewildered but uninjured. *

A cow! A cow!


My kingdom for a cow!

*Gasps at finding there is a dwarf underneath him.*

We are but giants standing on the shoulders of dwarves!

*stands up a little unsteadily and gives her head a good shake. She is just able to stand up straight under the table, though she thoroughly squashes her huge hair bow. She's a little unhappy with her entrance, having missed her mark. Not that anyone ever blocked the scene, but if she had a mark this would not be it.
Before she can do anything else she finds herself transfixed by Humpty Dumpty's descent and landing.*

Wow! What an entrance!

*calls to the front row*

It's OK, Carmel, you can come out from under your seat. A nice, soft, cast member broke Humpty's fall.

*the carefully peeks*

That's one of the dwarves between Miss Buttercup and Mr. Dumpty. Do you think he's alright? Which one is he, can you tell?

I'm not sure, it's either Doc or Thorin, I can't tell.