h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*sarcastically*
Oh! He can read!

Heavenly host? Heavenly host?

Oh, that must be my clone army. With air transport. Yeah, that's it! I need to start working on some air transport. Zeb, Butch, you know anything about air transport?

*Gropes for his book, finds one, and crawls towards where he thinks the door is, heading instead towards the spiral staircase leading to the caves.*

Miss? Miss?

*Hears the Reverend calling for her. Turns to look, but runs headlong into a decorative celery-shaped pillar outside the temple. Falls to the ground, dizzy*

Ohhhhh... Mah head....

[X steals a glance at the Celery, then wraps his bandanna around his Buster, which extends itself too quietly to be heard by anyone but himself.]

*sits down on the altar with the glenfiddich bottle next to her and watches events accelerate, idly tossing the "emerald" from hand to hand*

[Cue mounting-tension music.]

*Notices Sherry's accident. Strides up the aisle and out the door.*

You okay, ma'am? Here, come inside and sit down for a minute.

*Leads Sherry back inside to a pew near the back. Sits down beside her.*

You'll be okay in a minute. Just take some deep breaths. There's goin' t' be a big bump on yer forehead there for a while, but no perm'nent damage to that perty face of yours.

*Glances around the church from this new vantage point. Sees the back of X, but the fact doesn't register, his mind being on the lady beside him.*

[X jumps up, air-dashes over to the Celery, and raises his X-Buster to his (Celery's) face.]

[X] All right, Celery. Nice and easy. It's all over.

*The Reverend tumbles noisily down the spiral staircase, and lies stunned at the bottom wondering why he sees his feet when he looks up.*

uuuuuuuugh...

*Sherry, not thinking clearly, leans over and rests her head on Butch's shoulder*

Thank yew, sir...

[X sends off a quick transmission to Zero]

*Eyes light up. Puts arm around Sherry.*

Aw, shucks. T'ain't nothin, Ma'am.

Don't worry, X, we're not ignoring you. We're waiting until the posse shows up before we spring into action.

Actually, Butch IS ignoring you. He has something else on his mind. But the others aren't. They have a plan up their sleeves, but want a bigger audience for it. The time isn't quite right yet - just a little more tea downstairs...

So for now, we'll maitain the frozen tableau of you holding Woody, with your X-Blaster pointed at him, while Butch and Sherry become better acquainted.

Sorry - X-Buster. I always have trouble with these new-fangled weapons. Jest give me a pearl-handled six-gun and I'm happy.

*Runs in up the staircase, spots the Celery*
What is yer doin here? !

Which? X or Celery?

Being held at gunpoint, it would appear. I haven't moved since you tumbled down those stairs, but this person with the gun has decided that this would be a nice time to threaten me.

You've forgotten to pick up your pope hat, by the way.

*muttered, almost to herself*

Boy, could Ah use a drink...

[X] Yeah. Now, Celery, I suppose this is the point where you explain your plan to the audience?

[David Anez] [hanging down from above the top of the screen] Don't break the fourth wall, dammit!

[X] Uh, sorry ...