h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Drat! I finally catch up with the backlog and then I'm left in the dust again!

/* Draws his stapler and spurs his horse, remembering too late that the stapler does not have a safety. It fires prematurely, hitting a large cactus that is now severed at the base and swaying perilously. Tries to fire again at the approaching Jellos, but the stapler jams. */

Stupid office equipment!

*looses off a half a dozen Death by Chocolate bolts at the approaching Jellos*

*shoots Big Gun, and is knocked backwards onto the ground again*

Drat.

*decides to stay down, rolls onto stomach and fires again*

*slithers backwards a few metres*

Carmel Well, I suppose we could come charging to the rescue, or at least come charging.

*Blue Bear has the pugs surge forward, they move like pugs who have been called late to dinner. Their tongues fly, their little ears go 'fwip, fwip, fwip' there is a wild look in their eyes rarely seen unless the pugs are tempted with cheese. No more than 2 wheels of the wagon touch the ground at any time. It seems as if nothing can stop these pugs!*

Carmel - Dear me, is that giant cactus going to fall across the trail?

*A Man called Jello's long white hair flies in the breeze as Bearpaw bears down on the Posse at full gallop. He raises his pistol and carefully aims and fires at Titania*

*nimbly dodging the hail of fire from the Posse he makes a bee line for d'E - pulls bow and fires off several arrows at him*

*Bonnie's strides make the ground tremble as Two Dogs urges her onwards. As he approaches the Posse, Bonnie seems to recognise who she is galloping into and decides to suddenly halt. Two Dogs being unprepared for this flies over her head and lands on a half destroyed cactus. The spikes pierce his Jello body and he starts oozing out of several dozen holes. He staggers towards Sol, Tomahawk held loosely in his hand shouting .... *

I'm melting ..... I'm melting .....

*the double blonde wigs make Titania seem more big-headed than usual, making it difficult to see where the hair ends and her head begings - and so the bullet only passes through wigs - and hand-made ornamented leather helmet*

Hey! What do you think you're doing?

*shoots off yet another arrow, aiming more carefully this time*

*takes off from the little red wagon and flies to Bonnie's ear* guides Bonnie to a place of relative safety*

T, if the two wigs are a new 'do', perhaps I had better give you the number of my hairdresser

*continues to aim Death by Chocolate bolts at the jellos, but the dust is makiing it difficult to take aim accurately*

Ooohhh, I got one.........I think

*The pugs charge on. In fact, while they are being left in the dust by all the other riders they actually seem to be gaining on Lightfoot. Delighted by the prospect of a glutton vs. glutton show down the pudgy little dogs press on a little harder, charging with blind glee. And while the sight of pugs in full charge is no easier to take seriously than, say, the Giant fluffy bunnies from "Night Of The Lepus", they remain a cute and cuddly unstopable force. They sound their battle cry*

Pugs - Wooo-Wooo-Wooo!!!

Carmel Um, I really do hate to be a bother, exspecially when you are having such a good time, but girls, I think we should be somewhat concerned about this very large cactus, I really feel strongly about that.

*sea rides over toward the group on foot to lend some additional help, firing at the jellos*

Carmel finds herself daydreaming about the ways she could get out of this. She wishes she had a secret ground effect device under the wagon she could activate to sail over the cactus. Better yet, it would be nice to have a stout kite so she could release the wagon and parasail to safety. Saddly, she finds she is completely without a secret cheat to escape crashing. She wonders if it will hurt.
While Carmel daydreams Blue Bear practically goes about the business of securing the wagon for collision.

Carmel - Girls, I don't mean to be a bother, but is there any way I might impress you with the seriousness of this situation?

The pugs remain resolutely unimpressed. They have their eyes on the prize, and it has a fat butt.

Pugs - Wooo-Wooo-Wooo!!!

/* d'E bangs the stapler against his palm trying to get in unjammed, then gives up and grabs a rock out of his saddle bag and throws it at Dances with Jellos. Meanwhile Zeppo happily continues to leap up catching in mid air the sharp pointy sticks that Dances with Jellos has been sending his way.

The giant cactus begins to twist in a frightening manner. It's going to fall, but there's no telling which way. */

go, zeppo, go!!!

Now exactly how did we rack up FIVE LED'S in the past twenty-seven hours!?!? I am NOT going to read that backlog!

Oh, and by the way -- you can't "aim" Tri-Thunder. One bolt goes straight up, and the other two go diagonally down in opposite directions. And anyway, how did Volt Catfish become involved in here for his Buster Weapon to be employed? (You can only use those weapons after defeating the Maverick who "owns" them)

The cactus falls across the trail. The pugs charge on.

Pugs - WooWooWoo!!!

*The pugs hardly pause as they reach the cactus - it presents hardly an obstacle for strudy little dogs. However, not being natural draft animals an important detail never occurs to them.

The pugs clear the cactus easily.
The little red wagon does not.
The wagon's front wheels smack hard into the cactus and stop. The rear wheels continue, but they have nowhere to go but up so up they go, the tail end of the wagon with them. The wagon's handle, acting as a toungue for the team, bends with a squeal of tortured metal. The pugs charge on and so the front wheels are dragged forward. The wagon crosses the cactus vertically, balanced on it's front wheels. A moment later the rear of the wagon settles, the handle bends back with another squeal of tortured metal.
Elapsed time, .23 seconds. The pugs are mildly irritated by having their stride broken, and by the unpleasant noises.
In the moment the wagon became vertical it was transformed into a catapult. Luckily, Blue Bear had toughtfully secured the load, which strained at it's bungees but did not become airborn.

However, Blue Bear had failed to tie down two items.
Carmel's spatula is flung into space.
So is Carmel.

*despite being totally immobilised by devouring an entire bison, Lightfoot watches the death by chocolate bolts go sailing by with a lustful look in his eye. Resolved to take some action he puts his hand in his medicine bag to pull out his emergency wafer thin mint*

*he carefully inserts the delicate chocolate into his mouth ..... there is a short pause before Lighfoot explodes scattering jello clear across the battlefield in huge globules.*

*put off by some kind of performing dog Dances with Jellos sharply alters course and bears down on some smaller dogs which present an easier target*