h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*presently occupied by a few webjellos playing cards and drinking. They are all armed with various weapons.*

*wanders in eyes twinkling*

Weeellll luk at yew boys having fun. Well I'll tell you do I have a present fer yew.

This here is an everlasting, self-filling, constantly renewing, bubble-tickling, hangover-inducing, bottle of the very finest french champagne - courtesy of our fallen comrade Rebjello.

*hold hat over heart*

*much later*

OK boys that'll do now - new orders fer the boss. We gotter git this place ready fer the mother of all shoot outs with a posse of yeller-bellied 'City Slickers' that are coming up fer Peta Gulch. In a few days there'll be 'Gunsmoke' all over this place and we gotter be ready.

I want all the ranch buildings painted red by 'High Noon' tomorrow and then get the 'Stagecoach' out as I want to 'Paint Yer Wagon' as well.

Ah also wunt yer ter get all thuh horses in the corral and dye them red too - but don't mess up yer clothes - if'n I hear from someone that "They Dyed With Their Boots On' it'll be a 'Bad Day at Black Rock' fer the lot of yer. Do a good job and there'll be a 'Bonanza' at the end of it.

Yer kin get some help from the Apes but they've been a bit of a 'Wild Bunch' recently so watch yer backs. Make sure all the tracks are graded and leveled and make sure you don't use that stuff we bought fer 'A Fistful of Dollars' last year - 'For a Few Dollars More' we'd have got 'True Grit' .

Now git going !

*walks into Bunkhouse slamming the heavy oak door with considerable force*

286 mah @$$ !!!! . Don't do this soeasilyjello'd, don't do that soeasilyjello'd .... what does he want me to do. Go back to Montana !

*spots Zeke*

Oh .....

*glares at soeasilyjello'd*

Ah've told yer more'n once about that attitude o' yorn. Now I need yer ter get some timber fer a gang o' apes ah got working on a contraption in the barn. I hear yer kin handle an axe pretty gud so take this ....

*hands a large axe over*

.... and git us some rough dressed timber - use the small stand of trees on the edge of the pasture fer starters.

How the heck did yer hear about that Zeke .... there's no more than two people in these parts that know about that. Who's been shooting their mouth off agin ?

Still at least I kin be orn mah own I suppose.

*hefts axe and walks out*

*thoughtful*

There's something not quite right about that Jello ?

*in walks a very happy Lone Jello and Tontello brandishing a bottle of the finest champagne*

Hi fellers [hic]

Hope yer don't mind me and mah faithful sidekick here borrowing yer bubbly whisky stuff.

..... after a while.

[ook] Give us another song Lone Jello, another song please !!!

Just one boys OK ? .... or should ah say OOK ?



Ridin' down the canyon to watch the sun go down
A picture that no artist ere can paint.
White faced cattle lowing on the mountain side,
I hear a coyote calling for its mate.

Cactus plants are blooming, sage brush everywhere,
granite spires are standing all around,
I tell you folks it's heaven to go riding down the trail
When the desert sun goes down.

*red eyes glowing under bunk*

[Zero stealthily sneaks up to this house and looks in a window, then quickly ducks down. Nobody was lookin in that direction. He only looked in for a second, but he /does/ have photographic memory.]


Could somebody redescribe this scene in detail for me, please?

Pretty much everything here is explained in the thread - the backlog isn't too long. There is also some description on the main RRR page too, I think.


*Takes another drink from the champagne bottle. Sits down heavily on a bunk. Begins looking a little maudlin.*


On the Chisolm Trail it was midnight
Carmella was strong on his mind
Because of the life he had chosen
Carmella had left him behind
Too long he'd been El Bandido
Carmella had left him a Lone
But today someone brought a message
She's been seen in Old San Antone.

Ook [vastly overrated]

Ook [I tend to agree - I prefer the early recordings]

Ook [he hasn't been the same since that doing caberet in Vegas]

[Zero considers carefully how he'll be able to do ANYTHING without blowing his cover, then gives up and sneaks a quick peek at the window again.]

*tapping claws on reploid leg and whispering*

only few cowboys in there, big lumberjack nearby with bigger axe, doesn't like chief hand. All getting drunk on Elf Lady's champagne bottle.

Lil in ranchhouse! Very sick.

[Zero] I know. I was about twelve feet directly above her a few minutes ago. The trick is to get her out without blasting a hole in the laws of Continuity and one or two Nettiquitte tips.

heh heh heh
Always important to be polite when kidnapped.

What if we steal bottle? Draw cowboys away from ranch?

[Zero] That's what I was thinking ... One of us leads 'em on a wild goose chase, while the other ... the other ...

[pause]

[Zero] I have no idea why I wanted to get in.

*stands full height of two and a half feet and turns toward ranchhouse, ears twitch*

Lil outside!

I go do mischief in bunkhouse. You go help?

*not waiting for answer, disappearing under bunkhouse*