h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*holsters one of her guns, but keeps the other handy*

carmel? carmel honey! he surrendered! let's leave off beating the prisoner for later, okay? carmel!!!

Jello Wolf: You needed bath, Dances with Jellos, you smell like cheese. Dog do favour.

Dances with Jellos: Mffffmfmffff.

*Can't help but giggle as Carmel wales on the prinsoner. Witty climbs to her feet slowly and surveys her condition.*

Oh, man! I am a mess. I'm covered in slime, there's a hole in the knee of my jeans and I'm missing a sneaker. Gross.*

*Wanders around searching for the missing footgear.*

would be nice. A hot shower would be better.

The is ready.

I think I should put this frying pan to its intended purpose and see what we can have to eat.

*rummages in the picnic basket*

Steaks, tomatoes and mushrooms?

Gotta masseuse in that basket?

Masseuse? *rolling up sleeves*

Can I be of help? After all, I'm an Assistant Masseur at Shazz's House of Relaxation!

Keep it up, Carmel - serves him right!

*Knows a good thing when she hears it and plops herself in front of Titania.*

Just a good shoulder rub will do very nicely, Ti. You are a god send.

*rubs her hands together to warm them up - nobody appreciates a masseuse with cold hands*

*warms herself and Witty up with big, smooth, circular palm strokes all over Witty's back*

*left arm in front of Witty across her chest, holding her right shoulder to support her, while right hand is used to continue circular strokes, but firmer and smaller, more like rubbing*

*changes to right arm in front, left hand stroking firmly*

*releases grip of Witty's shoulder*

*stands behind Witty, working her way down both sides of Witty's spine with small, quick, rubbing strokes, first down, then up, then down*

*next: shoulders*

*gently massaging Witty's shoulder in a style that can best be described as - as - (darn useless dictionary!) working more meal into a dough*

*preparing for the thumb lever*

working more flour into a dough - duh!

*places one hand on each side of Witty's neck*

*thumbs back, other fingers front (imagine a fork grip)*

*bends elbows (own)*

*pushes both thumbs into the area right around that little knot that you sometimes get below your neck, pushing elbows down and in to increase pressure*

Is this OK? Just be sure to tell me if it's too hard - or too soft!

kneading?



That's wonderfull, Ti. As Goldilocks would say, it's just right.

*continues with the thumb lever exercises, since the 'hump' area is usually very tense*

*changes and starts working on Witty's left shoulder, doing the 'wring the rag' exercise; push with one hand, pull with other - pull with one hand, push with other... an efficient way of stretching out the shoulder muscle*

*changes again and does same exercise on Witty's right shoulder*

*a blissful heat is slowly spreading through Witty's muscles as the blood starts circulating again in the previously cramped up muscles*

*Grand Finale: grip*

Lean your forehead in my palm, Witty... *supports forehead with palm* Try to relax... I won't drop you, try to relax... you're still not relaxing completely... trust me, I will support your head, and I will not let go without telling you first... Good!

*right hand supporting Witty's slightly forward-bent forehead*

*left hand in gentle fork-grip on both sides of Witty's neck*

*small, circular, firm movements going up... and down... and up... and down... and up... *

knead - according to my 20-year-old Oxford dictionary: 'make (flour and water) into a firm paste (dough by working with the hands)' - and also 'apply hands to (muscles etc) as if making dough'

Oh dear... ...happens every time... ...I think I'll just...

*meanwhile, in a cave some distance away*

*stepping out of the shadows behind the two indians, holding his winchester carbine on them*

Put down that dog. Gently. No sudden moves!

/* Takes advantage of the momentary quiet to fiddle with his stapler and bang it on a rock a few times, while Zeppo chews on an arrow. */

Got it! But now the staples shoot out with that annoying little bend on one side.

wow, witty. i'm jealous. but i guess you deserve it, after riding /underneath/ the horse. nice move, by the way.

does anyone need help fixing the food?

*sips *

Carmel Well, huff! I didn't accept his ding-danged surrender so this is still combat. And it isn't beating a prisoner until he's been restrained, so there!

*but Carmel is winding down*

Well, I suppose all the guns pointed at him count as restraint.

*she stamps her little foot, further damaging the bowler*

Sigh! It's just that he made me all cross. You know you won't like me when I get all cross.

*she gives A Man Called Jello one more swat right on the nose, then hops down.
She then hops over to confer with Blue Bear. But first she gives ANCJ a quick kick on the ankle.*

*Blue Bear has been fixedly watching Carmel, but now that she's finished he can restrain himself no longer. He charges at A Man Called Jello.*

You took my doggie!!!

*With his mightiest leap he throughs himself at A Man Called Jello.
Blue Bear grapples harmlessly with AMCJ's ankle.*

I say - Unhand me you wretch !! Will someone please restrain this furry thing ... I do believe that I am entitled to be extended all privilages due to an officer of Her Imperial Britannic Majesties armed forces.

Besides bambi's mother had it coming to her actually. Splendid shot from 200 paces in twilight - dropped her like a sack of potatoes dontcherknow. Fantastic specimen on the wall of my den ... and not bad venison burgers to boot. eh .

... what ! Whats the fuss about eh ?