h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*on radio* Did you say Munchers has been hit? Transmission is breaking down. There's jello running out under the door of the General Store. I think we killed one!

Check your conversations.

*Reb's prize quarter horse "baccy" rears up from the shotgun blast. Reb struggles with the reins but keeps on firing*

~click~

*suddenly the colts are exhausted and Reb throws them to the ground, raises his Winchester and keeps on firing. The wagon is perilously close to his position slap bang in th emiddle of main street*

~snarls defiance~

AH AINT MOVING - YEW'LL HAVE TO COME STRIAGHT THREW ME!

*carries on cooly firing into the onrushing wagon*

*dropping the shotgun on the floor of the coach, Amos climbs in and unfastens a leather snapdown next to the rear window, revealing two crankwheels and another button. Amos beings cranking, and the muzzle of the gun drops and turns till it is pointing at the buildings next to the NG corral*

RAT-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT! *Amos depresses the button while cranking to sweep the muzzle across the front of the building*

*Rides into town, following d'E. Fires both six-shooters at Rebjello.*

*takes real careful aim, fires and shoots the Lupus fellers hat clean off his head*

HAH !

*notices the stagecoach i sgetting very close and is not showing any signs of slowing down. baccy gets very restless turning to and fro spoiling Rebs aim*

WHOA GIRL !! WHOA ! STEADY NOW STEADY.

*An Ape and an Indian are running like mad into town, followed by a small group of Apes who are shouting and firing at them.*

Reb - the stagecoach came to a stop at the far side of town a while ago. It has a Gattling gun in the boot, too.

Ant Lady says a jello dead at store! *leaves backpack in coach and dives outside then runs for jello rider, weaving so no jello can aim true*

*bares teeth and leaps getting hold of top of horse's tail. teeth clamp down on dock*

I got one? I really got one?

Ook! [You better not hurt them puppies!]

*belatedly realises he has run into the middle of a gunfight and scuttles up a drainpipe and onto the balcony of the saloon*


All saloons have balconies, don't they?


*a woman's scream is heard from inside*

Ooops

*spurs baccy towards the Stage coach aiming for the Gatling Gun operator*

*Sneaks up to the stagecoach, looking for women to steal.*

Groan
*Munchkin stirs slightly in the bottom of the coach. This causes his jacket to move revealing a hole in the front of his jacket. His wallet, severly mangled and with a bullet just visible in the centre slips out of his pocket and drops to the floor*

* a horse bursts out of the woods a little bit beyond the coach and runs away from town, its rider huddled and swaying in the saddle*

And there goes another one wounded. *looks down at Munchkin* That's an unlucky wallet, sir! It seems to attract bullets. Now, we have a problem with an approaching webjello. The rat has latched onto him somehow, so I can't fire the gat. Will someone please dispatch the outlaw?

*Reb gallops up to the side of the stagecoach and aims his rifle at Munchkin but Baccy continues to prance, skip and dance around trying to shake off some kind of critter attached to it's tail*

DANG BACCY. WILL YOU JUST STAY STILL UNTIL AH KIN GIT THIS FELLER !!!!

*Spies Witty and starts to climb up to get her.*

*Sol suddenly slings a firecracker out the window which lgoes off close enough to Rebs horse to seriously put the wind up it.*

*notices a shifty looking chracter sneaking up to the coach, whips a pistol from her knickers (or something) and takes a pot shot at him*

Munchkin! Is there anything I can do?

*Holsters one six-gun and uses that hand to rein in his horse. Jumps down and runs back to get his hat. Examines hat.*

IT'S RUINED! MY FAVOURITE HAT IS RUINED!

*Turns to face Rebjello.*

MR. JELLO. THIS HAS JUST GOTTEN PERSONAL!

*Climbs back onto his horse, pulls out his second six-gun, aims both guns at Rebjello and...notices Styx. Kicks his horse into motion, riding towards Rebjello, hoping to get a clear shot.*

*Is inches from reaching Witty, twirling his mustache, when a shot rings out from inside the coach. Snidley falls to the ground, clutching his chest. Jello oozes out between his fingers. As he breathes his last breath, a train whistle sounds in the distance and he dies with a smile on his face.*