h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*Afgncaap5, noted adventurer and proprietor of CLI, is just now emerging from the abandoned mine shaft, covered with a great deal of dust and debris. In place of his usual garb, he's wearing a cowboy hat, boots, and other traditional cowboy garb. His vest is colored blue, a Zorkish habit, but other than that he's not too outlandish. He also wears a huge smile, probably due to the bulging burlap sack that he carries*

Great! I found the treasure. This vacation was a great idea.

*Affy checks his ever-present watch, and his huge grin flickers*

Wait a second....I've only got 300 out of 350 points....maybe I should've not ignored that offer of a bounty. But I still can't believe that the Celery's that kind of scoundrel these days. I might wanna head over to the salloon and think about my next course of action.

*Affy comes back from the City Hall, initially intent on doing some more work in the mines, but something is troubling him. His score increased by five points when he heard the voice and thought that it was Lil's. Why would it beep if it was only a radio? Did it mean that the Celery was spying on his former campaign staff? After considering this for a few moments, Affy carries his burlap sack over to what looks like a trophy case*

Let's see, what's that password again? Oh, yeah. "Frobnitz! Frobnosia! Frobnoid!"

*Affy puts opens it, and takes a great deal of the treasure he found in the mines into his sack. He carefully re-closes and locks the trophy case, though he knows that no one other than himself could find it thanks to the spell scroll with the spell of camoflaging that he found. Affy hoists the burlap sack over his shoulder and heads back towards the tavern*

*inspects the mines but finds no sign of Affy*

*wanders into the mines with his lantern*

I heard there was buried treasure down here. Where is it then?

*accosted by a flock of bats bursting from the dark tunnel ahead of him*

Yikes! Why can't they set up proper lighting in these places like they do in towns at night?

*Affy steps out of the shadows behind Zagreb, turning on his own lantern and pulling out his .45*

The treasure's all gone, sir. Seein' as how these mines've belonged to me for the past few months due to rights of salvage in these parts, and because I'm a professional adventurer recognized by all of the best guilds in over twenty different worlds, I can personally guarantee that there's nothing in these parts of the caves.

*Affy lets the silence last for about ten seconds before putting down his gun and exploding into gails of laughter*

I'm sorry, I just don't get many visitors when I'm adventuring. Name's Afgncaap5, or Affy Person depending on who you ask. You can call me any of the above, or Affy.

Now then, might I ask what your business is in the mines of Peta Gulch? If it's strictly treasure hunting, I can direct you to some caves and tunnels that lie outside of my territory. That is, long as you can claim 'em before I head there.

However, there's a more interesting adventure going on in town. A missing person, a governmental conspiracy, and a nasty gang of WebJellos. I could introduce you to the good guys, or the bad guys depending on who you wanna side with (though I recommend good. We've almost won).

Anyway, I'll stop talking now and give you a chance to get a word in edgewise. Oh, and don't mind the bats. This was there cave long before the likes of us appeared.