h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Ahhh, ees zat you Meester Qwix Qwimwrangleure. I am afraide zat my eyes are smarting juste a leetle at zee momente.

Did I not 'ere mon Ami Zapollo une momente ago ?

There he is, on the ground.
I say old chap, could you pass me that thing over there?
*struggles*

No probleme Mr Qwirmwrongleure. I presume it'll be ze usual arrangemente for services rendered. On your personal honoure of course.

*passes thing*

.... and ze delectable femme fatale floating next to you. Would you like me to assiste you there ? .

*Grabs grappling thingy and fires it into roof of arch. The winching mechanism begins to take up the slack*
There. Should be okay now.
*Arch crumbles, dropping huge stone slab onto quicksand pit and its occupants*

eheu! zere are horrible leetle rowdeez trying to get een to my lovely fort! zut alors! mon cheri! bof...

*Nonchalantly sticks out his leg in front of the advancing Sultana.*

I am Vree!!! Thank you, mon capitane... Qvick! Seize ze Cat!
*sees archway crumbling*

oh.. on zecond thought...

*still inching forward, feels BBW's leg wit sword point*

*frowns*

*pokes it a coulpla times to try and tell what it is*

*Saturn Girl winces at the crashing archway, then grabs onto one of the big chunks, otherwise not fighting the quicksand, knowing that only makes one sink faster. She then waits patiently for someone to drag her out, with good or ill intent it doesn't matter, as long as she gets out of the nasty sand that'll be in her clothes for days*

At least is hasn't gotten into my hair yet... *she mutters*

*Hands appear around large chunk of masonry, waving madly*
*Bubbles rise from the sand*
*Flailing hand accidentally snags SG's gorgeous locks and pulls*

*casts levitation spell, pulling crumbling masonry up and tossing it out of the fort. Reaches into the qiick sand and feels around blindly for Apollo...*
Opps! *feels a little higher, finally finds his arm and drags him out.*

*vision begins to clear and with it's clearing comes a blinding revelation*

Wait wern moment Meester Kweemwrangleuere I sink I recognize ewe.

*peers shortsightedly*

Ah-ha yes ! Burt of course ... you are zee notorieuse of Baddogh are you nurt. I thurt you were familiaire.

*Uses SG's hair to pull himself free*
Not , please. I am a property relocation technician.
*straightens jacket*

Burt of course .... and a particularly gifted wern frerm what I 'av 'eard.

You are alledged to 'av "liberated" ze ancient treasury from ze Cairo Museum of Antiquities last year and are rumoured to be ze Meester Beeeeg behind ze gang zat busted into ze Temple of Doom recently .... ze so called Raiders of ze Lost Bark .

The Fleagion knows you only by your nickname - ze of Baddogh.

C'est vrai, non ? Surely you don't deny it eh ?

*hears RD talking*

*lunges for him*

As I said to the jury, all of those things belong in a museum. Preferably mine.
Oh, watch out.
*trips the catiff*

*looks down at the sprawled Sultana and places boot on neck*

Ahhh. So lurk brings you to me my pretty when superior swordsmanship for once does not .. ow you say "curt the mursterd".

*s in a gallic sort of way*

Hoh he hoh he hoh he hoh.

*finally dragged out of the quicksand*

Vy, zank you miz Rambling...

Captain!! I 'ave caught ze dreaded zief!! Look 'ere!!
*rolls over to talk to Red, accidentally knocking him over, off Shroom. Looks around, and can't find SG*

Vat is going on 'ere!!

Okay, not to be a nit pick, but I don't know if everyone followed what just happened. I certainly got lost. Let me see what I can recap, then maybe someone can help me sort out where I'm supos'ta be?

Okay, first I and QQ are knocked into the quicksand pit. QQ tries to get out by use of a grapling hook, the archway it latched onto fell to pieces on top of the quicksand. I grab hold of said pieces and stop moving all together, having plans to just sit there so as to not provoke the quicksand into drawing me deeper. QQ in a wild attempt to get out grabs my hair to use as something to climb out with (is anyone getting ideas of repunsel here?)

Then ex R levitates the pieces of the archway (of which I'm still clinging to) out of the fort and who knows where. I would assume since QQ is clutching my hair that he was also levitated out of the building... or I just lost a huge chunk of hair, in which case a few someones are gettin' their butts kicked.

And this is where I start to get confused. After I (and presumably QQ) are levitated out of the fort, Red Dog starts to see QQ, and hold a conversation. QQ then uses my hair to climb out of the quicksand (which I don't understand at all. Unattached to my head it would be no good, and there would be no reason to use it to climb out of the quicksand were we outside where I ~assume~ ex R levitated both of us along with the pieces of the archway).

I AM LOST! SOMEONE EXPLAIN, AND GET THIS ALL BACK INTO SOMETHING RESEMBLING CONTINUTY, PLEASE?!

thank you *climbs off soap box*

I stated that I levitated the pieces out of the way. That leaves you the option to let go of them.