h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

The recently-revealed entrance to this place, found by the Airstrip, shows a dark and eerie passageway leading downwards away from the light. The walls are covered in extensive carvings and murals that proclaim that this is the once-mighty city of Amun-Bast, capital city of the great Pharaoh Hapsut-Ankh-Dobermann, and that any trespassers or the unworthy will find themselves stricken by the dread Curse of Cheez-i-Nakhers!

As you stand in the small pool of light filtering down from the entrance, a far-off moaning sound makes you shiver. The tunnel suddenly seems quite chilly.

*From farther down the tunnel, voices can be heard.*

Stop that moaning, Red Dog. It's making me shiver.

Maybe l could charge an entry fee. To have money for a St, Paddys Day celabration. Will see what Commandeer Red Dog says when he comes back up. He y this Tequila did'nt ave a worm in it when l poured it in the bladder. Well no need to waste Catus Juice. *Keeps surveying landscape for enemy*

*a match is struck in the darkness and a candle is lit. By it's flimsy guttering light almost nothing can be seen except a few vague and indescipherable carvings

Well burgger zis for a game of soldieres

*pulls out 5000 watt portable searchlight*

Ah ha ! Zat is beaucoup better.

*the powerful light reveals panel after panel of intricately carved pictograms telling some kind of tale*

Hmmmmm .... I zink zat we should perhaps 'av a look at zis. It may give us some clues as to what lies ahead.

*Peers at some of the carvings*

Lots of heads rolling around without bodies and bodies running around without heads...lots of snakes...a big bowling ball...an ice cream cone...an explosion...swords...spears...an ill wind...a pot of gold...and some stuff I can't decipher.

No problem, let's go for it.

*farts*

Well, so much for the ill wind.

*Peers at some of the carvings*

Lots of heads rolling around without bodies and bodies running around without heads...lots of snakes...a big bowling ball...an ice cream cone...an explosion...swords...spears...an ill wind...a pot of gold...and some stuff I can't decipher.

No problem, let's go for it.

*farts*

Well, so much for the ill wind.

Hey Redders Sir things alright down there. Gettin low on joy juice up here. Oh found some Rum. l'm good.

You know I have a nagging suspicion zat I 'av seen some very similar Catouches somewhere else.

Let us press on .... ze lure of treasure 'as overcome my sense of self preservation.

*marches forward down the corridor, the more steps are taken the deeper the dust on the floor gets until it is knee high and movement requires great exertion*

Urrggh ... ze dust is everywhere - in my boots and up my nose

*sneezes violently*

l'm sure they'll cut me in if they find anything a small percentage maybe darm closterphobia. Like the open sky. Though this sun could fry a brain. Well no worries there. L'd say. Alcohol is a good insulater. Walsin metelda well at least l say sing. And if the blue sky minin co don't save me. who can'it be now. No wait wrong decade. Brain must be cookin. lol

*The dust continues to rise. Soon it is at waist level, then armpit level. GL trips, but instead of falling, he slowly sinks into the dust. A few moments later, he comes sputtering to the surface, treading dust. Unthinkingly, he strikes out down the passageway doing the dog-paddle, making considerable progress. Suddenly he realizes what he is doing.*

Red Dog! You can swim in this stuff!

*His voice seems to echo up and down the passageway. A slow drumbeat begins, impossible to locate.*

l say are you chaps ok. holler so's l know one way or the other. Ello ello ello. Me thinks they may be in trouble if they don't call post hastily. Clostrophobia be damb. l'll go in. Gee l hate small places minds me of that sub outta Libia that time almost swam until. Donaker slugedme that was a good fight took the whole team to wrestle me under. Well hear l come mates. l hate this so
*starts walkin into the Abyss*. walsin matida l shant fail ya l did'nt in Budapest l won't now. l comin laddys.

Waa-hoo BBW ... how come I didn't think of that

*Red Dog stops struggling to walk through the dust and starts to doggy-paddle down the corridor and starts to catch up with the rapidly moving Werewolf. Gradually RD notices that the ceiling is getting lower and the passage way narrower. He then notices a slight inward movement of the corridor walls*

BBW ... I think, I think that the walls are moving in on us . It's forcing the dust up to the ceiling. Get a move on for Bob's sake !!!!!

*The drumbeat gets a little louder and a little quicker*

Clunck what the hel oh need to let me eyes catch up here. good dark vision though but need to be patient. *rubbing noggin* Hey Redders *yellin loudly* daders daders daders good echo in here. Me eyes have caught up. Now must help me mates.

*Dog-paddles as fast as he can. The walls draw closer and the dust rises almost to ceiling height. BBW can see an ever-shrinking rectangle of light ahead and paddles even faster.*

I...think....we....can....make...it

*Just as the dust is closing over their heads, the two dogs pop out into a large cavern. Coughing and hacking, they slowly tread dust and begin to look around. The cavern is roughly spherical, with flaming torches mounted on brackets high up on the walls. All around the cavern, about 10 feet above the dust level, is a balcony and all around the balcony, brown faces peer down at the two dogs. Brown, unhappy, faces. Brown, unhappy, faces with spears.*

All l can't is in fronts me still have some back light though. *Sounds in the distance pausing to hear* Hmmm Has a beat to it. Not's so bad these small. * lights up cigar* Gettin darker in hear*swup* what daaaaaaaaaa

*continues to paddle in the dust all the time eyeing up the still figures on the balcony*

This doesn't look good BBW.

Hey! Something just touched my foot. Hey! It did it again ... there's something in here with us - we have to get out. Now !!

*Red Dog suddenly disappears under the dust with a yelp*

RED DOG!!!!!

*Dives under the surface near where RD disappeared, but visiblity is near zero. A swirl in the dust shows BBW the direction to swim and he strikes out in pursuit. The path curls and weaves around the room and finally heads straight towards one wall. At about the limit of his breath, BBW follows the trail through a small opening and heads to the surface.

He finds himself in another hallway, and up ahead, he can see Red Dog cruising along, his shoulders just above the surface, as if he is riding something under the dust.*

A fine waste of a perfectly good cigar. Well theres light here. Notices faint marking on walls. Hmmm looks familar. *Light out*
Well no surpise to me that is. *Hears Meowing* *Bright light in face* Hi KID Cyber kitty hows ya doin.

Long time no see. Trust you are well. You would have any Good cigars around would you me misplaced me last one.

Me's here's strangely familier voices in the background.Doggers that You ooooooooooooo. *Suddendly Normal Light Restored*
That's much better.