h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*slaps Munchies heftily on the back*

There, you are ol' man! That stuff's fer drinking, not snorting!
You sniff powdered stuff, like snuff and that white muck that's found on vanity mirrors! If it's liquid, DRINK IT!

*cough, cough* Well, if you'll just fill it up I'll have another go, theres a lad.

Hope you chaps realise how damned difficult this stuff is to produce.
Stocks are at an all-time low.
Just signed a fresh batch off though, ready for maturin`.
Should be ready in..hmmmm.. about 25 years...

Right ho! Do me a favour - wake me when it's ready, here's a good fellow, wot?

Now then Lurcher old chap ...... we all know you've got some of the finest stashed away for a rainy day wot !

Truth is, Redders, when the hostilities started in `39, we did sort of "put in a safe place" a hundred or so barrels, just as a precaution, you understand, there being no doubt as to the outcome, as it were.
The "safe place" remains, but as to where it actually is, well, it`s provin` to be a tad elusive, my memory bein` what it is these days.
I`m sure all will be revealed though...I`m booked in to a hypnotherapy session next week, the fellah reckons he will regress me back in time, so`s I`ll know where I hid the damned things.
A few other choice things were happenin` around that time, so I`m quite lookin` forward to the experience, what!!

You chaps will be the first to know, when the barrels see the light of day again..you `ave me word on that !!

[Thinks: A hundred or so barrels...'39? Hidden somewhere? Naaah - just a coincidence. Can't be THOSE barrels that we nicked and sold to those Polish Air Force blokes!]

Do let us know, when you remember, Lurchers old boy! We'll mount an expedition to recover them again, wot!?

I say Lurcher old chap, wouldn't mind bein' a fly on the wall when that hypnotist guy gets in your head what....

He'll no boubt have you jumping round his orfice every time he says the word Kangaroo....

Gaaaafffaaawwwwwwwwwww



Bassers.

Ye Gods, Bassers, for a second there I thought you said "orifice"!!

Gave me quite a turn, I can tell you.

Need a few swift ones to steady the old nerves now I reckon.....your shout is it?

Go on then another Vowel Strangler is it?



Bassers

Fowl Strangler? Who's been throttling the cockerel then, eh?

Same chap wots been bashing the Bishop I should think ?

*looks pointedly at Pollers*

Or spankin' the monkey....



Bassers

*looks at Pollers again *

He's been spanking the monkey? Why, has it been making a mess of the greens again and upsetting cook?

Sorry for the absence of late chaps. As I was recounting to Bassers, put the kite down in some frenchies field and got in a scuffle in the hay with his good lady wife. Feisty old bird, rough as a badgers rough bits but a good sport all the same.

Pint of Claret please, Charlie, and one fer yerself.

Hic ! Don't mind if I do ..... Barman !

I SAY CHAPS.... IT APPEARS TO BE EKKER'S ROUND....



Bassman

Tallyho !

*piles in*

Marvellous wot! Make mine a double would you.