h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

The site of Greece's legendary Trojan War--
Patroclus, Paris, Ajax, Hector, and the Great Achilles all perished here.

Now, fully restored, it will be home to the first-ever challenge to the Reigning Champion, a goddess called Ben!

*Caper Plip strolls through the gates of Troy, taking her time to absorb the sights and sounds... well, what's left of them. She begins knocking up against a wall as she waits for the current Champion to arrive.*

*wanders in, pulls out a huge sign that says "Go Ben Go!" and settles down for a front row seat, not wanting to miss a second.*

*Three of the Trojan Women are seen gathering in a corner of the temple courtyard*

*They are Hekuba, the wife of Priam, Matriarch and Queen; Helen, the captured Greek princess, her face is beautiful beyond words, but she is now beginning to run to fat around the middle, and unfortunately she grows no more intelligent as her beauty fades; and Kassandra, the youngest princess of Troy, and the clearest sighted - Kassandra the wise and doomed - Kassandra who knows her future will be death at the hands of Agamenmon's wife - Kassandra the seer*

*They seem to be talking amongst themselves, unaware of the battle about to commence around them, but protected from the goddesses who will come by the narrative power of their own dreadful doom*

*Hekuba is talking about a goddess who is an old woman; Helen wants to exchange flan recipes with a goddess who is a mother; and Kassandra talks about the goddess who is a maiden, and the forthcoming battle*

*Yes, something has stirred up the Women of Troy, and they look uneasily around the courtyard*

Hey! I know someone who does a pretty good flan!

*Caper Plip thinks about the PFF.*

*The researcher called Ben arrives, not manifesting as the goddess in any of her forms at the moment*

*She waves at Saturn Girl and Apollo, and looks compassionately at the Trojan Women*

Hello Caper Plip, we met briefly in one of the previous threads, but I don't know if we've been introduced. I'm Ben.

What's 'the PFF'?

Hi Ben! I believe you popped in during my first ever battle in the Labyrinth? Nice to see you again

The PFF? Check out Dead Space...

*Caper Plip stops knocking up against a wall and puts the ball away in her pocket, and faces Ben.*

The suspense is killing me!!

*the sky darkens at the Sun God's whim*
for dramatic effect

*Ben manifests as the Maiden, and leers in a very un-maidenly way*

A phantom flan thower? Nice kit!

*MoGgie rolls in on a large, wooden, brilliantly-painted wooden horse with wheels. She pushes the buttons on her remote control and the horse lurches forward, then veers to the left, almost throwing her from her seat. Flustered, she whacks the remote upside the horse's head and it surges back and stalls by Apollo and Saturn Girl emitting a noxious poot of oily smoke through its exhaust pipe*

Humph. These durned new-fangled devices. They just don't make 'em like they used to. Modern technology. HAH!

*opens a secret compartment between the horse's ears and brings out a tray of cosmicpolitans for the audience*

*Sits in the audience, munching on *

Go Caper Plip!

*WD can be seen in the distance, resplendant with hammer and chisel, rapidly carving out a niche for herself, whilst typing about this most godly of battles...*

*type type, chip chip*

*The goddess waves at the growing crowd of Greek heroes, who take their place with Croz and hold a number of plates with 'Go Caper Plip!' written on them. Caper Plip says, referring to the England v. Greece World Cup Qualifying Match (2-all):*

Good game, lads, good game! You played really well...

*Caper Plip disappears in a puff of chalk, and returns likewise. Dressed in black shirt, black shorts, black trainers and black backwards-facing baseball cap, there is something not quite right about her appearence. With an Australian accent, Caper Plip leers back at Ben and replies:*

How d'ya like me now?

*Hermes flies in*

There is a CHANCE that agcB might be undisclosed for several weeks...
Until things are worked out, we can't really begin (I'm sure you wouldn't want to win on technicality anyway, CP) so...while we wait for the champ to tell us her status, I suggest we sit back and enjoy some cosmicpolitans

Nice kit, Caper Plip!

Hopefully I'll know tomorrow if I am going to be around or not. In the meantime, another cosmicpolitan sounds like a great idea.



agcB
*not as cooly attired as Caper Plip*

*Saturn Girl slips through the crowd, and replaces the plates with "Go Caper Plip!" written on them with "Go Ben, go!", then goes and sits back down in her front row seat, hoping there's still enough room in Troy, with the two over inflated egos, and all... (Apollo's and Caper Plip's)*

*Sends an order for more "Go Caper Plip!" plates by marathon runner*

It seems as if the 'Go Ben, Go' banners have worked - but not entirely in the way intended.

Ben is indeed going, tomorrow, to Europe, to indulge in some gainful employment for a while.

Many apologies, and I'll keep you posted.

Ben

Have a nice time in Europe, Ben! We'll wait for you to come back!

*Caper Plip sits down on a chair and drinks some barley water whilst leafing through WD's articles.*

Erm... I think I deserve some non-entity support along with Croz and WD... I'm the underdog here... besides, my ego is non-existent compared to Apollo's, who flaunts his regularly with the blubber... and you've got some cheek SG, changing my plates!

I think that the size of your wardrobe denotes the size of your ego... and as my kit gets sent to me, then I'm not the one with the big ego... but someone else is...

hmm.. size of wardrobe (notes his thong).... size of ego (notes that it is large)....


Thanks Caper Plip!!