h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Oh god - I know that poke only too well...

*Saturn Girl moves in the stands to sit next to Golden Thighs... decides to pick on him while waiting for the battle to get interesting. She pokes him in the side... trying to find a ticklish spot, and get him to drop his banner. Saturn Girl's "Go Ben!" banner is being proudly held high by a couple of mortal man servants*

I don't poke you that hard, WD! In fact, it's very hard to poke someone when they're about 75miles apart

Yes you do! You poke me all the time !

Not recently!

But you make up for it in the holidays

.....uh, sorry! Were you poking me? Didn't notice.

Yeah, I am poking you

*The goddess called Ben walks out of reach*

*Caper Plip pulls out extendable boxing glove, shoots it out and pummels Ben's into a fortress wall, forcing a comical splat with limbs splayed over it.*

hehe... I always loved the boxing glove gun ...

*The goddess called Ben peels herself off the wall, one flattened limb at a time, left arm ... right arm ... left leg ... right leg... ... ... head!*

*The flattened limbs pop back into the matronly form of the Mother*

Oh dear Caper Plip. Still using brute force? What's next I wonder?

Blimey, if you consider a cartoon extendable boxing glove as brute...

*Caper Plip yawns and dozes off, and begins to snore in a really irritating fashion, with snorts, sniffs and full-throated and noisy breaths...*

Gahrthh....phfew.... snnnnngh!

The sound is so irritating that the vultures circling above lose their will to fly and fall from the sky... the Trojans and Greeks hide in a wooden horse to block out the noise... trees wither... cute spiny hedgehogs go into hibernation early and Ben's hair begins falls out from all sorts of places...

*The Crone sits down, switches off her hearing aid, lights her pipe, and tosses the matches at the fallen vultures to see if any of them are still alive*

*Yes they are - not dead, but sleeping*

*The Crone briefly considers remanifesting as the Maiden to take advantage of the depliliation provided by Caper Plip's snores, but decides not to.*

*Everyone else is asleep*

Hey Apollo! Golden Boy!

*Nothing*

Oh well - looks like it is time to be the Maiden again

*The goddess called Ben manifests as the Maiden and sashays over to Apollo who is suddenly all attention*

Caper Plip is asleep, and so is everyone else. I think this is a victory for me. I want a ruling please.

*WD looks up from revision*

Sleep?!? Why on do I want to do that Even if CP wanted me to!

*mumbles something about, adenoids, and tanks, and looks at rods and cones*

*Caper Plip wakes up... after all, she was only dozing...*

Don't you know that smoking is bad for you?



Honestly, the amount of people who do that... it's like a death wish!

*She disappears in a puff of chalk and reappears, dressed as a doctor. She pulls out an endoscope and shoves it down the Crone's shrivelled mouth.*

Ergh... all that black tar and smoke! It's like a Victorian factory in 'ere, mate!



Heart disease, lung cancer, emphysema, possible liver failure, you've been drinking too much... maybe it would be easier to write down the problems you haven't got?

Um. Sorry Caper Plip. I want a ruling.

Oh okay... want me to go to MoG?