h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*With Marat's untimely exit from this match, Caper Plip spits out the tennis ball and thinks again. Seeing that Apollo still hasn't bothered to put any clothes on, she has an idea.*

*She calls on the power of the current Wimbledon champion, Goran Ivanisevic. Caper Plip then grabs two of MoG's flying , tosses them in the air, and uses the left-handed serve to her advantage.*

*Serving two down the middle (and in) in quick succession, the speed and accuracy of Mr. Ivanisevic's serves comes to fruition.*




*One ball strikes Apollo full in the solar plexus, winding him.
The other has a little less kick on it, bouncing low, travelling at 139 mph+ and hence striking the Sun God right in the place where even the sun don't shine on him.*



BTW when are you going to put your toga back on? Believe me, it's not a pretty sight.

*bastet appears high up on a wall, just in time to catch those last two strokes. she grimaces*

that's GOTTA hurt...

And let's see that again on slow-motion action replay....

*scrutinises the path of the *

Those balls are plum on the service T...or should I say, the V? Can't really get more accurate than that.

Would anyone else like ?

*WD resurrects Mr. Safin, and transports him somewhere much safer...US Open I think...*

*Saturn Girl falls off the wall laughing at ego boy's misfortune, until it hits her the poor thing may not be able to reproduce, and that would be sad, who would the next generation of gods be entertained by? Saturn Girl slips off for a doctor to help Golden Thighs once he admits defeat to Caper Plip*

*Apollo, in a high-pitched voice* Fortunately, being Keeper of Ex-Girlfriends, I have become nearly immune to shots like that
--thanks anyway, SaturnGirl

*Apollo switches tactics. Waves his hands, and an ice cream parlor appears in front of him*
Care for some, Caper Plip?? Any flavor you could wish for...

No thanks, Apollo, I've already eaten ice cream today!

*Caper Plip laughs at the Sun God's attempt to trick her with ice cream. Waving her magic tennis racquet, she creates a temporal space-time warp and produces...



...from the not-too-distant future...

...Apollo's mother-in-law!*

*Caper Plip sits down with Saturn Girl, MoG, WD, Sea, AGB and agcB and watches Apollo being berated with such phrases as:*

I don't know why my daughter chose you in the first place!

Why don't you get a proper job instead of being a flimsy ice cream salesman?

Why don't you cut your hair? It always looks terrible!

Why can't you buy yourself some nice-looking clothes? You always look hideous!

My daughter has been telling me about what you do...

...all those late-nights out...

...leaving her alone with the children...

...she doesn't know what's wrong...

...you aren't fit to be a father or a husband!

I thought you were a nice young lad at first, but look how you've turned out to be!

You're a disgrace to this family!

Honestly, I don't know why I bother with you!

I'm not angry with you...

...I'm just very, very disappointed with you!

damn. that was good.
...
well MoG, what do you say? can I get out of this one?

Well, I may not be the mother of god, but I'm going to offer my oppinion here... I think you're done for... resign to your third defeat, before we snap some more pictures of those bronzed thighs of your's....

Your's Truely,
The Bombshell Goddess

I await the appearance of the Mother of God......

*FOOP*

{officially garbed in her most regal, if slightly rumpled, judicial robe}

Well, Apollo, here's how I see it... *Peers at his swollen s*
If you had become completely, and not NEARLY immune to shots like that, you stood a chance. The ONLY way to win over an agitated mother-in-law is to make more grandchildren to distract her with. And as you seem to be slightly incapacitated from performing that deed at the moment, I'd have to say that Caper Pip has fairly disabled you in this battle.

Looks to me like she's the winner at the moment, though you never know what the future holds.

Cosmicpolitans on the house!

*quietly slips Apollo an icepack and fresh toga*

Well judged, Ma'am!

You know...I've found my weakness. First, Red God defeats me with an ex-girlfriend.... then SaturnGirl makes me into a cross-dresser....now, I get my mother-in-law sicked on me, and then the Mother of God rules against me!!!!

It's women. They make being a handsome, egotistical, omniscient, omnipotent, omnipresent Greek God very difficult....

Congratulations Caper Plip!!! you got lucky this time

Yay!!!!!

I won!

And I supose you wouldn't be bored if we didn't make your life difficult?

Your's Truely,
The Bombshell Goddess

ps. Besides, I thought you looked cute all dressed up

Something we have yet to see in the BoG is a catfight

hmm...who would win?? Saturn Girl? Caper Plip? an as yet unknown challenger?

~the sky darkens~

~forks of lightenening snake towards the grounds from boling black clouds~

~athe clouds part, illuminating a small patch of ground with heavenly light~

~and lo, there is Redfish, hanging in midair, basking in heavenly glory to the sound of chanting seraphim~

~the sky clears~

~spies the godly form of his arch-enemy, soeasilyamused~

~his eyes narrow~

So, this is where the gods do battle. Well, I think a battle is due.

arch-enemy?!

*sea (aka bastet, half-human, half-cat goddess) stands in the other corner, looking smug and wearing camouflage fatigues. she beckons to redfish*

[sea] bring it on, fish boy. i'll eat you alive.

*sea flexes her hands and grins, and redfish can see very sharp claws and teeth*

*settles down to watch the next battle, which is promising to be a good one, paying no attention to the fact that she's also in another thread starting a battle too.*

Your's Truely,
The Bombshell Goddess