h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

The celestial home of the Nordic gods, open to much interpretation.

*A Red Dog materialises*

Using it's SHAPESHIFTING POWERS it transforms itself into a gigantic wolf, lies down and patiently awaits a foe to turn up.

*decides to lick nether-regions whilst waiting*

(Thinks that doggy Deathbreath might come in handy at some point.)

*Puts tail around muzzle and goes to sleep*

*Gets up and lopes around for a while*

*Decides that everyone must be frit*

*Goes back to sleep again*

*Apollo sneaks up on the sleeping Dog, jumps on it's back and slaps a muzzle around his mouth*

That should take care of your bite

*Red Dog shape shifts to swarm of Red Wasps, evades muzzles and pursues Apollo*

*Squeals of pain and surprise are heard in the distance (In Greek)*

*Apollo, being the Sun God, shifts into a ball of flame...which the wasps are drawn to, but soon singe themselves*

*swarm of bees retreats and shape-shifts again into a crazed male Bull Elephant*

*Crazed elephant lumbers over to the mystic river running across the plain (handy) and sucks up a massive quantity of water through it`s huge trunk*

*Elephant proceeds to drench Sun God with mystic water extingishing the ball of flame*

(thinks to itself: well that p*ssed on his divine fireworks)

*Sun God falls off his chariot onto the plain - a charred and smoking wreck*

*Apollo, seeing the overlarge elephant standing in front of him, changes into...of all things...a mouse! (We all know that elephants are terrified of mice) Soon, the big gray elephant is darting around, trying to evade the little mouse

*Thinks since when has Apollo had shape-shiting powers - all he was supposed to have in his arsenal of powers was sunbeams, flames, a flying chariot and a pair over-rated thighs. Shrugs and decides to play along for the time being*

*Changes to Cat and picks Mouse up in Jaws*

*Starts to salivate and jaws start to close*

sorry...I just thought the shape-shifting thing would be fun for a while

*Apollo, seeing his peril, quickly changes into a flea and leaps onto the cats back. The itching and scratching fit that ensues is quite entertaining...*

*Flea stumbles into Flea Collar around cats neck*

*Apollo begins to wonder whether this was a good idea*

*Flea leaps off, and Apollo transforms into a wolf. Then tries to eat cat*

*Cat transforms into Apollos worst nightmare - ex-girlfriend from hell*

*Ex-girlfriend begins to stalk Apollo*

I think I`ve got you here me laddo

*Apollo transforms into...Apollo. It doesn't work, she keeps stalking him. He calls up other ex-girlfriends...no good. She is relentless. He gets married to a supermodel...she still won't back down! He can't stop her !!

Make it stop RedDog!!!! Make it stop!!!! You win!!

Hehe.... I'm starting to wonder if Apollo can win anything at all? He's lost to agcB, me, and you Red Dog... Who else can we bring in to beat him?

Your's Truely,
The bombshell Goddess

*ex-girlfriend stops and launches into moonwalk victory dance*

*with a toss of her hair and a sneer on her face she shapeshifts back to a large Red Dog who lays down, curls up and goes back to sleep again*

*dreams about next attack on Cats in the Cat Wat at http://www.bbc.co.uk/h2g2/guide/A601174 whilst waiting for next contender to turn up*

*smacks the bad doggie on the nose with a rolled sunday newspaper, puts a chain leash on his collar, and attaches the other end of the leash to ground.*

Bad Bad Bad Doggie!

*crosses arms, and glares at the pinkish mutt chained up at her feet.*

You do not attack the cats, do you understand me?!

Your's Truely,
The Bombshell Goddess
fighting for the rights of s everywhere.

ps. Are you ready to bring the Cat v. Dogs war to the battle of the gods? I'll understand if you're a scaredy dog...

I think its all over bar the cleaning up - Cathouse garden churned up and despoiled and the Cathouse a smoking ruin. Only thing lacking is the Anti-Cat Federation flag which is lying athwart the wrecked AFV.

All in all a good turn out and an excellent result. Just wondering where the Mice got to.

.... actually the Cat War is still rumbling on and you might be needed at A610110.