h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

dont go

Good battle, Red Dog. It'll be a shame to see you go.

well then. I challenge....somebody!

Well Caper Plip... you are only 1 win away.....

fight me!

Considering recent events I'm taking a short break from fighting, so I'll be spectating here for a bit.

Caper Plip

Well god of nothing... as soon as I get done wiping the floor with saturngirl and sea, i'll take you up on your offer

From atop a nearby tree, a sleek white figure jumps down onto the field. Respectfully, this figure bows before Apollo.

"If I may great one, I would like to romp and play."

The White Tiger God sits upon a rock, sharpening his front claws as he may need them shortly. Feeling silly, he pulls out a small mp3 player with speakers playing "Eye of the Tiger" on continous repeat. The White Tiger God knows perfectly well how corny it is, but figures he might as well start things off with some mild torture on the battle field.

While he waits, he makes his mark.

=^_^=

The White Tiger God has spoken.

*Uncle Heavy, God of the empyrean abyss, (well, why not?)steps forward.*
I will fight you, if only to turn off the music. If we are going to have an 80s riff fest we may as well get the Scorpions, Europe and Dire Straights going to. For the right to your mp3 player, i challenge you...

*withdraws his as-you-like-it 7 ton gold banded cudgel and gives it an experimental twirl*

*admires cudgel*
Impressive... this should be interesting...

The White Tiger admires the cudgel as well.

"Ooooo! Is that a new scratching post for me? It's so pretty." =^_^=

Deciding to jump into something unexpected, the White Tiger God leaps over Uncle Heavy shaking vigorously as he passes over him. Why you ask? What Uncle Heavy has yet to realise is that he's been attacked! Millions of fleas have dropped onto Uncle Heavy. These little boogers are a major pest too. Uncle Heavy drops to the ground itching and complaining.

The White Tiger puts his flea collar one to keep them from comming back. Poor Uncle Heavy looks as if he's in a lot of pain.

"So sorry Uncle. Let me give you the number of my vet so you can get a professional flea bath."

Returns back to his rock and changes the song on the MP3 player to that Cat Man Do song. =^_^=

The White Tiger has spoken.

*UH writes around until he can withdraw his tazer. not known for any real fear, he presses the tazer to his skin, frying the fleas. also shocking himself. ah, hes had worse.*

*with a whispered word, the gold banded cudgel grows to a length of 5 metres. UH swipes at the white tiger and pins him to the floor (this baby weighs seven tons). UH capers for a bit before uprooting a few hairs. these he blows onto...instantly they transform into four effigies of himself who procede to go over and the tiger*

OOC - apologies to sun wukong

"OOOFFF!!!!" Hey just how big is 7 meters anyways? Never was any good with that bloody metric thing ya know.

With great effort (and pain I might add) the White Tiger God manages to reach into his pouch and extracts a handful of... ants? No, wait! These aren't ants. These are some kind of advanced termites. They devour Uncle's toy in a flash, leaving only the large golden rings. With the crudel gone, the White Tiger kip-kicks up and bounces away, out of reach.

"Phew! I was worried there for a sec."

The terminites scurry off the battlefield, complaining of tummy aches. Back to business, the White Tiger God decides that Uncle does not like silly attacks. So, that's exactly what's going to happen next.

The White Tiger God calls forth images of four adorable white tiger kittens. As these are images and not real kittens, they cannot be harmed on the battlefield. The White Tiger sends them off past the effigies, leading them away as they chase the kittens. (Copies are so dumb. Can't make good help these days.)

To the task at hand, Uncle Heavy does not seem amused. The White Tiger simply must cheer him up. He fastens a strong rope to his belt. Though in a human-like form, he crouches down on all paws and makes a mad dash at UH in a blurry whirr. He runs round and round UH wrapping his rope around his legs. When done he stops, and shoves UH down face first.

"Sorry about that old fellow."

The White Tiger God throws the remaing rope over the branch of the tree and pulls UH up in mid air.

"Now it's time for fun."

The White Tiger finds a good sized branch limb and uses it as a pinnata stick and beats the Tartus out of UH.

"Isn't this such fun? C'mon, you gotta love it!"

After a while, he grows tired of the game and decides to let the passed out UH sleep. The White Tiger return to the rock again and changes the MP3 player to play Tequila.

The White Tiger has played.

comprehensively whupped...except that:

*UH comes to. Finding himself dangling from a tree, he uses his super pimp voodoo powers to fire lasers from his eyes to burn through the rope. WT is still not noticing. UH stands up and sneaks up behind the tiger. He whips a bag over his head and ties him up, before sitting on him and changing the stereo onto something anti feline like, i dunno, dog headed boy by the eels or something*

* then he jumps up and down very hard, repeatedly. just, you know, to make sure.*

Super Pimp Voodoo powers? isn't that illegal??

And I thought you were a bouncer in the other thread, UH, not in this one!

i am a man of many talents so i tend to get them confused at times

heh, I've noticed... But now that you've gotten it straigned out this time, be a doll *pinches UH's cheek* and don't squish the kitty, even if his taste in music is poor. He is my friend ya know....

well he did beat me up a little bit too...fairs fair

Life's not fair... and I would prefure my friend is in one piece when you're done with him.