h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*Martens comes into Galley looking for Cook to take up his offer of a late meal*

Capt Briggs, hello Sir.

Ah Martens, where in goodness have you been?
It would appear that Mr Head is not here for the moment. Talk a while with me if you would. I would know more about you. I feel it my duty to spend time with each member of the crew, thereby getting to know you better and, of course, you I. Now I know we haven't had much of a chance these past couple of weeks, but now seems good a time as any.
I must say I find you a strange man indeed and would know more of you, as to why you seem so nervous and jumpy all the time and why you seem to see the worst in everything. Now I like to run a smooth ship and to be frank, your attitude isn't condusive to the rest of the crew. I have my family, my cargo, my ship and crew to think about.
Pray tell me why you are so troubled.

*Martens looks worried*

Captain, I ... I ... I ....

*Throat dries up*

Sorry Sir, it was just that, well, I wasn`t expecting .... that is I thought I`d find Mr Head here Sir - he offered me some food Sir.

I`ve been up in the Rigging Captain, there's something ... that is I don`t actually know, but I think, at least I suspect Sir but I can`t be sure ... it`s just a suspicion that we`re, well [pauses] being followed by something or someone Sir. I can`t put my finger on it but there is something badly wrong ..... it might be nothing though. I just don`t know Sir.

Then there`s the noises I`m hearing ........ do you know where Mr Head keeps the Grog Sir, I`m in need of some sustenance if you please, there must be some around here.

*eyes dart around*

*grips Martens by the shoulders*
Calm down, man. Calm down. Pull yourself together.
What are you jibbering about?
There is nothing following us. Certainly not through that storm. We were blessed lucky to get through as unharmed as we did.

What is this nonesense about noises?
And as for Grog! There is no liquor on this ship. If there is by golly I'll have stern words with any man found drinking on my ship. Be that a warning to you, sir!
I abhore liquor! It addles the brain and no Captain can afford that!
If I even suspected you for one minute of being tempted to taste that stuff in the hold, why i would have no compunction in throwing you in the Brig. That stuff would kill you anyway. It is highly poisonous if ingested.
I think we shall just wait here and see what Mr Head has to say on this matter.
*Briggs pushes Martens gently, but firmly down into a seat, to await the Ships Cook's return*

*Martens slumps resignedly in chair*

I`m ... I`m ... I`m teribly sorry Captain, I forgot Sir. It must be the, the, the err ...... the ... [bright idea] ... the lack of food Sir, it`s quiet addled me wits Sir.

Perhaps if Cook could get me some salt beef or ships biscuit I might feel a little better Sir.

Sorry Sir and beggin` your pardon Sir, I need to report to the Mate as well Captain - I`m due on watch soon.

*looks around the galley and spies some salted beef and biscuits*
Alright Martens it doesn't look like Mr Head is going to come back straight away, take those *points to beef& biscuits* and report to Mr Richardson straight away. And straighten yourself up man, no slovenly behaviour will be tolerated either. I want you to come directly to me should you see or hear any other strange goings on, no matter how trivial they may seem.
Go.

Thank you kindly Sir, I`m most grateful.

*takes biscuits and salt beef from the side and goes to find Mr Richardson. Pauses briefly upon leaving Galley*

Begging your pardon sir, but I'm most sorry - if I see anything again I will report it directly.

*Leaves*

*has a quick look round the galley, btu doesn't see anything out of the ordinary*
Inventory, must see how the ships stores are doing
*head on out and up to the deck*

~enters Galley helping Cook with water bucket~

....... so you see Mr Head, I`m not as mad as they all think I am. I swear on my lifes honour that I am definately hearing voices and I`m not the only one, even Gillings heard something. Do you think I ought to tell Captain Briggs, he were not best pleased with me when I tried to warn him of these occurances afore.

Thank you for helping me with the bucket, Mr Martens.

Well, I haven't heard anything untoward, and definitely not voices that weren't coming out of someone's mouth. I do believe long sea voyages can play havoc with men's minds, though.

Now as I see it, unless you are all hearing the voices say the same thing, you're all imagining it. And if they ARE saying the same thing, someone's behind it. And all this started just as soon as the canoe lady and that stowaway was found, am I right? So we ought to be a-keeping a close watch on them, Mr Martens, don't you agree? Shall I go and talk to them? I have in any case to explain to them that they cannot expect the same rations as the crew, for my suppies will not feed another two mouths.

Mr Head you have GOT TO BELIEVE ME for I suspect our fate depends on it. There are something on this earth and in heaven that defy normal explanation and I for one have no rational cause for that experience which presently dost plague me and others aboard this cursed ship. I beg of thee to lay aside all that thee and thos'st own have taught thee to date ... there are forces on board this vessel that defy'est explanation. Beware the voices for they cospire to warn and confuse you at one and the same time.

Would you please consider going to Captain Briggs and pass on a warning to him with me. Miss Lizzie has seen supernatural goings on and so has Mate Gillings - perhaps together our concerns will be nough to suffice.

Calm down, man! Here, have a swig of this - it'll settle your nerves.

*He swings the galley clock aside to reveal a small cupboard and lifts down a bottle of spirits. He pours some into an enamel mug and hands it to Martens*

Now, Mr Martens, I am sorry, but I cannot in all conscience tell Captain Briggs about something I have not and cannot see or hear myself. And supposing this so-called visitation to be true, what would you have the Captain do? We have no man of religion aboard who might, as some people believe, be able to exorcise it. And if it be no more than a collective delusion, then all those afflicted must get together that they may purge themselves through discussion. The Captain must keep his mind on the running of the ship, and the crew must serve him by carrying out their duties in a rational manner.

Now, I still say these strange happenings have only started since we took our two strangers on board. I do believe they are the cause of all this. If you wish, we shall go together and talk to them rather than the Captain

~ Empties the cup before Martens can pick it up, and speaks to Martens ~

~ for convenience posts the thread where he speaks ~ http://www.bbc.co.uk/h2g2/guide/F72915?thread=137727

~ Martens is startled and distracted by disembodied voice. Lunges for mug, raises it eagerly to lips and is startled again ~

Why damn it Cook are you deliberately having sport with my sensibilities. This is a cruel jest indeed - there is nothing in this mug.

~ Raises mug for Cook to see then in a quavering semi-hysterical voice ~

Do you take me for a madman as well as the others - and I was just begining to believe that you were a reasonable man and placed some credence with my concern for the well-being of this vessel. This is truely a ship of the damned.

~ Begins to calm. After a few moments and an embarrassed pause ~

Please Mr Head - another drink if you please, I must have a drink, this is all too much ..... I don`t suppose you heard that voice just now, most of this god-forsaken crew do not.

I heard no voice, sir. But I know I poured a drink, and I know you didn't empty it. If there is a presence on board, he's a thirsty one!

I can't explain what just happened, but if - and I only say if, mind - this thing is capable of moving things or even causing men to move things without their realising, that's a different matter.

*Gets spirit bottle from behind clock and pours into two enamel mugs*

Right, Mr Martens, I shall join you this time. Let's have a drink and think this over.

~eagerly drinks contents of mug afore can steal drink again ~

~ Wipes mouth with back of hand ~

By God Mr Head, that was sore needed. I am pleased for my own peace of mind that you have witnessed something of that which has plagued me these last days.

~ Lifts bottle and pours another drink for himself and Cook ~

If this spirit is capable of moving physical objects and has any malicious intent then he could play havoc with the ship. I do suspect tho from that which he has shared with me that danger is present but not from this particular spirit.

~ Reaches for bottle again ~

Careful with the drink, Mr Martens. It's not that I mind - I think a man needs an escape when he's been cooped up at sea - but the Captain is not a man who understands that. He has relief through the comfort of his family, of course, but the rest of us must find it where we can.

Anyways, what is this other danger of which you speak? If it be worse than what has already happened, we are in peril indeed. But I may be able to help in ways you may not know of or understand if you will confide in me.

~ Drink has made Martens a little light headed ~

Oh Mr Headsh. I must find something shomething that is very important but we can`t trusht anyone you know. [laughs]. Here I know this song, sing with me Mr Head ....

[sings]

Our worthy forefathers,
Let's give them a cheer
To climates unknown
Did courageously steer
Through oceans to deserts,
For freedom they came
And dying, bequeathed us
Their freedom and fame
Heart of oak are our ships
Heart of oak are our men
We always are ready
Steady, boys, steady
We'll fight and we'll conquer,
Again and again

~ Remembers something the ghost told him and stops suddenly. Martens eyes narrow and he looks at the Cook ~

What do you know of the Raven Mr Head ?