h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

True, but if you spend your life studying the sex habits of animals you just get put on nature documentaries. Which is possibly a worse fate than death.

On the other hand if you avail yourself of the generous resources on the Internet to study Sex, you just get called a dirty old man....

Ah! Wait! I got the professorship for me! Pseudology, unless someone else is already professor of lying and all things false(e.g. bluffing in poker).

Can I apply as Doctor Gonzales?

Doctor of escapology?

I have now decided I really want to be professor of Pseudology(lying). And that's not a lie. Nor is that. etc..

After much careful thought, I decided to apply, for I would like to be....

Professor of Lagomorphology !

Because, you know, rabbits are (of course) my area of highest education and most expertise, and the science of turning into a rabbit is a very particular one.
I can teach a course on basic lagomorphology, and if I acquire any learned students, I can offer upper-level classes on burrowing, opening pop cans while in rabbit form, and other such basic applications within the science.


MH

Sort of a were-rabbit? Sounds interesting. Are there any particualr lunar activities required for full rabbit transformation?

You know, that is one of the nuances of the science that I am currently researching. Unfortunately, my subjects keep not giving feedback to me, as they are rabbits when I ask them about it, and they have not yet been instructed in "speaking in rabbit form".

I imagine the implications of were-rabbits would be staggering, considering the idea that a full moon would flood someone's lettuce-garden.

Also, given rabbits' *ahem* mating habits, what happens when a were-rabbit *ahem* mates and turns back into human form? Will the offspring be rabbit or human?

Well, that's what grad students are for, right?

As a professor, I could do extensive research in my field, which is the other function of a professor. And what better research fodder than grad students?

Good idea. Experiment on the grad students! I mean, what kind of masochistic fool keeps going to school *after* he's already gotten his bachelors degree, anyway?

That's the reward you get for being a grad student, is some big flashy degree that allows you to abuse other grad students and get your vicarious revenge.

And so (not that I ever went through that, of course... I, uh, was simply belsseed with the knowledge of lagomorphology) I may teach others this great Science, and do further studies to see if the moon - or, perhaps, the tides - have any effect, and whether or not there is some alteration of libido in students of lagomorphia. And no doubt, as this is a very cool science, I will have reams of grad students, beating each other down, demanding to be the very objects of my research!! muHAhahahahaha! World domination!

Er, I mean, Muhahaha, Professorship!

No doubt. Who wouldn't want to turn into a rabbit?

Hey, if I get my professorship, you could be an assistant professor of Lagomorphology, after a bit of schooling...
Assuming you had time off from your own research and whatnot, of course...

Yeah but what about micemitosis? Could be embarrasing to go to a doctor and ask for a mixemitosis jab. You'd be all

Micemitosis? Is that, like, how mice divide to sexually reproduce as colonies? Like they go through the phases of anaphase, telophase, squaekophase and cheesophase as they recombine their genetics?

Either that or it sounds like a rather painful condition....

It's probably much more interesting to think of it as something sexual.

Of course, my own research does keep me rather busy, what with copying other people's studies and all, but lagomorphology sounds like a fascinating field. Perhaps I could get someone else to copy other people's studies and just say I did it. That might give me more time to ponder the growing science of rabbit transformation.

It's a booming field, I tell you.

It makes sense to be able to delegate your cheat/copy studies to someone else and take credit, I'd say....

Yes, perhaps it's time I put those grad students to good use.

Whoops, I meant mixemitosis. It's a man- made virus introduced to keep populations down, but it got outta control so now pet rabbits have to have jabs to immunise 'em. Otherwise they go like mixed with and with no eyes, just blood where they should be. It's nasty