h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

As an hexperienced millitary man I can hincert a "h" any hwere i hlike.

I have also tracked the rise and fall of rodent{and to a lesser degree marsupial}warfare
From the cheddar spear to the majorly unsuccesful,but imaganitive,bread mine.

I have studied all rodent invasions and sieges.Including the field mouse revolt of 1987 and the siege of "The Bin" in 1896.

I hold a degree in rat warfare of the middle ages,mainly the black death, and a degree in ancient shrew martial arts.

I have also gone on excavations into the fall of the door mouse empire.

Thanks,

Captainlerue

Hwhelkome to the hranks of profhessorhood!! You seem to know your stuff.

Well the world is riddled with the remenants of the door mouses vast empire, alas sadly falling in the vast battle against the wild cats on the hills of the rubbish dump near my house*Shakes his head sadly*

Anyhoo do I get Tenure.

Tenure? Hmmm - you'll have to do some service before you get that... Oh, and pay the application fee of one PSP - send it c/o the University of Mice....

ooooaaaaaahhhhh *Shuffles of feet* I wanna Tenure!

*Gets a big lollypop instead*

Yeah! Lollerpop!

There There, nice Captain...

*Sucks the Lollerpop*

::considers giving captain tenure::

*Threatens with a knife,so as to convinse to give tenure*

wwwwwwhhhhhoooossssshhhhh

*It turns into a Lollerpop*

*Sucks lollerpop*

::Decides Captain would be much happier with a than Tenure::

Ahhhhhh you know me too well.

Perhaps we can compare notes.

For example, I've some fascinating observations on a family of ground squirrels that evicted the rats from a stormm drain system, took it over and made it their own against a backdrop of a population of teeming tens of thousands of ground squirrels, with their individual quirks, their backdrop of conflict with the rattlesnakes and giant black widow spiders, body size about 2"/5cm in diameter (no kidding, for real), the hairy black tarantulas in the same size range, etc. that share the squirrels warrens, the wild pigs laying in wait downwind from the burrow entrance for the squirrel to poke uo its head on a cold and frosty morning...