h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*Driver only speaks seven words of english*

(continuing) '... and five of them are expletives!'

I thought the clocks went forward next weekend<!>

Doesn't the lack of a price tag mean it's free?

And then I couldn't sleep, so I got up but it was too early to be getting up, so I stayed up for a while and then I tried to go back to sleep, but I couldn't go back to sleep, so I tossed and turned for hours and hours and still couldn't sleep, and then I finally went to sleep and as soon as I got to sleep the alarm went off but I didn't wake up until 6 hours later, but I had to go to work anyway, even though I was still sound asleep.

And that's why I was driving with my eyes closed.

If I gave you one, then everyone would be wanting one.

My boss accidentally deleted the file.

Amen - yes, may I help you?

Of course *I* could have done that, but I didn't want to show off.

It's my first day......

I didn't know it was loaded. Besides, isn't the person training me supposed to be responsible for everything I do?

My dog ate it........

My computer crashed.

No, I *couldn't* do my math homework because my calculator is broken.

I couldn't get here in time because
I was late getting in from New York
last night. I took a wrong turn in
Chappaqua, and lost precious time
retracing my route to the right turnoff.

I'm afraid I won't be here for a couple of days so it's out of my hands now.

It didn't do that in the store!

That goldfish must have been
coming down with something when
I bought it at the pet store.

You know that phrase about pursuit of happiness? It's against my constitutional rights to have to work.

The weather outside was so nice,
I just couldn't come inside and finish
that project.

Besides, I had a headache.