h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

You're too old to ever understand.

It would take too long to explain.

First I ran out of chips. So I had to get more chips because there was still dip left.

Then I ran out of dip. So I had to get more dip because there were still chips left.

Then I ran out of chips again. So I had to get more chips because there was still dip left.

Then I ran out of dip again. So I had to get more dip because there were still chips left.

This kept up for quite a while. Every time I'd run out of chips there would be more dip left, and every time I ran out of dip, there would be more chips left....

And that's why the bill for the grocery store was $2,609,592, 933.56.

I don't wear shoes so I couldn't have made that mess.

My phone's charger died, so I couldn't call you.

I was being artistic.

I was being spontaneous.

You're too old to understand.
You're too young to understand.
You're too middle-aged to understand.
Okay, you'd understand if I explained it,
but I'm not up to expaining it right now.

I'd explain it, but I haven't achieved a doctrate in quantum physics yet, so I can't.

I'd got my glasses on upside down.
I was wearing the wrong pair of glasses.
I was wearing the wrong pair of glasses upside down.

I couldn't find my glasses

My glasses had broken.

I'd forgotten I'd got my contact lenses in, so I put my glasses on as well...

I couldn't hear you.

I'm sorry, I didn't quite catch that.

you mean it's not supposed to turn brown like that?

It spontaniously combusted.

It can't be my fault - I was asleep at the time!

It was the budgie! He's been very ill of late, you know...

He's simply not in his right mind, and you know how people are when they're in their left mind