h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

While Paula eyed Ford, Dirk rummaged through his pockets, finding a pen and pad, as well as a crumpled packet of cigarettes.
Excellent, he thought, and lit one.

(NO! WE CANNOT!)

Ford eyed Paula back, and reached for a plastic bag.

what's with this intermission thing???

Dork presented Paula with his card and explianed he was a Holistic Detective and went on to say"It is vital you assist us, your poetry has a potent power that will protect my friend Ford from a terrible fate"

Ford could hear the engine running and the tires squealing. Isn't this form of transportatgion dangerous he asked?

This worried Dork, since they where all standing in the street, but it would seem his car had now taken on a life of it's own.

He though carjackings didn't happen in London, due to a special invention called traffic.

suddenly the car shifted into reverse and backed into a lightpole. Attached to the lightpole was a number 42. I wonder if this is a sign said Dork.

Realizing the situation was getting out of hand, Paula agreed to Dork's request, besides she quite still quite liked the look of Ford. So they all got into Paula's car and drove off to her home in Greenbridge.

Dork nervously glanced at the book on Paula's dashboard, and hoped she wouldn't attempt to serendae Ford, as she had kept looking him over.

Ford Prefect sat in the back seat of the Ford Prefect and thought to himself "I hope I'm not stuck on this hell hole of a planet for much longer"....when.......Ford suddenly lurched forward as Paula screamed and slammed on the breaks, the apparition standing in front of the car was hard to comprehend

especially since it was eating a herring with one head and humming the 'star-spangled banner' with the other.

It was, as it turned a holographic image(with sound effect) projected to cause them to stop, Ford looked towards it with surprise"ZAPHOD!!!!! what th..........." but just then a second assassin wretched open the car door and pointed a Kill-O-Zap at Ford, but before it could pull the trigger Paula let loose a Stanza of fingers scratching blackboard velocity, the Alien turned the Kill-O-Zap on it's self.

Ford wished Dork hadn;t set him up with Paula for safety, and prayed for the Kill-O-Zap gun himself. In a desperate attempt to distract himself, he typed up another Guide entry. (And then the worst poetry thing fits)

Dork asked Ford what the device he was tapping into, "Oh this....Its The Hitch Hikers Guide to The Galaxy, I'm a researcher for the guide, here have a go, just type in a word a random and see what it comes up with" Dork took the guide and typed in and this is what the Guide had to say....................

Thor: Usually spelt Sore, often substituted by those with speech impediments, or those with cheap keyboards with a broken "s" key.

Dork gave the Guide back to Ford and said"what a load of rubbish, having a hand held communication device on this planet will never catch on, we have only just come to terms with digital watches"

Ford was about to reply that that was what he had told him earlier, but decided it wasn't worth the bother.

Paula was getting a bit sick of all this boys talk about technical things so suggested they got on the way back to her safe house for a nice cup of tea and some light poetry reading.......Dirk(he is getting a fed up with this Dork thing) was beginning to wonder if he had discovered a new meaning to the word "safe"......Ford decided he had been sober for too long(about 20minutes) and hoped that this tea was Earth's version of Ol' Janx Spirit

Or at least something close to jynnan tonnix.

Slightly upset to discover that tea was in fact an ancient suffusion of delicate flavours and subtle tastes, into which this human had just dumped some cow juice, Ford rummaged around in his bag for his sub-etha sensamatic, hoping that some passing spaceship might contain friendly Dentrassi cooks.