h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Help you? No swutting way! I want off this Planet Hell(Nightwish!) as soon as possible! Look at these people! They still think digital watches are a pretty neat idea!

"Are, but I think you will find if you check my digital watch, that your rendezous with the Teaser has passed, you will be stuck here for quite a bit"

*expletive deleted*!! But that means I'll be stuck on this *expletive delted* planet for Bob knows how long!

Dirk whipped his head around and his voice dropped to a whisper - "You know Bob?"

"Well not as such, does it matter"said Ford "More than you could ever imagine, all things are linked Ford, great things are afoot"

(just a thought, if you want to use an expletive you might consider, dare I say it "Belgium" please don't report me for posting this, it's only in context)

"For example, just before you arrived, a raan god left here complaining about the rain."

Ford had stood there in silence for five days before he replied "are there any spacecraft on this planet, I think I want to leave here now"

"Not since 1947 when one crashed in a place called America, this crash leading to the invention on this planet of the transistor, which is inherently connected to the planet's magnetic field..." ford started to doze off as dirk went into a long monologue on the fundamental interconnectedness of all things, or something.

As Dirk droned on he lead Ford into his office where he open a file on his desk and handed it to him, Ford started reading it, with total shock he looked uo at Dirk and said........

"Your office is in a pub? Sweet!"

(this is the third pub Ford has been in, is this some sort of pattern)

"this file" said Ford"it details events about the Great Collapsing Hrung Disaster, my father was the only one to survive, how come you know about this Dirk?"

[Begin one of those sections where the Guide describes stuff.]

One of the most counterintuitive notions about this Universe is how every single thing, from the biggest galaxy to the smalles cell, is fundamentally interconnected.

Except for events pertaining to the great Velaxian Collapse on Praxus 9 which as everyone knows is purely grnpl (a useful word).

(I think he left the first pub around post 12 and the second at post 52)

Dirk continued "You see Ford I was told of your coming by a very odd person who came to see me last night, he said you would be here today but he said your name was Ix.

Well, yes, it is, said Ford.

"Well Ford, whether you like it or not you are inexplicably involved in my latest case"......"Why is that then "said Ford "Because my client has employed me to protect you from a Neo-Praxibetel hit squad from assassinating you"

Who's your client?

"He said his name was Veet Voojagig and was representing someone that he called the big Z B, who had learnt of the proposed hit from the Galactic Counsel, does any of this make sense to you"

"No. Why should it? I only have limited information to work from here."