h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

a vile-smelling drink was forcibly hurled in his face

Ford turned to see large humanoid of the neanderthall variety charging towards him, he just managed to waft his towel in time to defend himself

the towel caugth the primitive person on the nose, causing him to leek a red substance from it.

At this point the Police arrived and arrested Ford for being drunk and using a dangerous towel, which mean't he missed his rendezvous with the Teaser

Extremely upset, he called all the policemen Swuts and Tulindromes.

Just then, a poor-looking man who had been sitting at the end of the bar in a rather unflattering coat and tried to intervene.

The policeman rudely told him to mind his own business.

"Gentlemen, I suggest you leave this man alone. It is clearly his first time on this planet and he's no used to it, so leave him with me and I will show him the ropes," continued the man, unfazed.

The policeman, who was obviously not familiar with a certain drinking game, released Ford, and walked of with a slightly worried expression on his face.

"Don't worry, they're all like that on this planet. My name is Svlad Cjelli, though folk around here call me Dirk Gently, how about you?"

<>

I'm Ford, said Ford. Ford Prefect.

(very good)

Dirk led Ford from the out of the pub ans said "I think we need to go somewhere quiet for a chat, do you like pizza"

Seeing the look of disgust that was quickly spreading on Ford's face, Dirk quickly explained what a earth pizza was.

"Fine" said Ford "I'll give it a try, I haven't eaten since leaving the Sirius B Burger Bar, anyway how do you know I'm not from this planet"

(its interesting now we have brought Dirk Gently into this saga, but what will happen to him in 15 years when the Vogons destroy the earth, does he move into some parallel existance perhaps living with Coleridge, or maybe he meets up and travels with Thor who being a God survied the Earth demise since we meet him a the party in the sky. So many questions, what a web we are weaving)

Perhaps we shoudl have a few liffs in here as well.

"The clothes you wear," said Dirk, "The fabric has not yet been invented on Earth, so when clothes arund here get all wet and drippy and sweaty, they look their worst."

"Oh very clever, what do you think you are, some sort of detective or what?, anyway it doesn't seem to bother you that I'm an alien, I might be dangerous you for all you know"

'If you where dangerous, you'd have had no trouble with that policeman. Besides, you've got a black eye.'(from being hit by the woman in the loo)

They to an Italian Bistro and ordered two Pizzas, then Dirk said " Now I must say to you that my methods are odd but I feel our paths where mean't to cross, you mabe able to help me"

(early in the morning sorry about spelling)(also going over one line, not that it matters)